As I listened to this awesome interview about geometric shapes in the Mind, which was very bang n with something that happened to me on Saturday when I found myself repeating a pattern I had worked hard on with my mother, I realized that there are more triggers and e-motions in our Life than what we are aware of.
Yesterday as I wrote to someone something about a project I asked the question 'is it legal?' at which point, images of menacing black robed judges popped in my mind.
I don't like to think about having to face the Justice system, first because I am not at all sure that there is any Justice in the System but specifically as my image depicted, because of their black robes.
There is something ominous in my mind about the colour black associated to authority, so last night as I lay in bed I revisited the Colours of Authority and I was amazed at the fact that we painted Black either what we naturally fear, like Death, or what we want people to fear, like Priests and Judges, at least here in Italy - we went softer for Police and Army with the Blue, with a hint of black we should say, that is what Navy Blue is all about, it's the Black drop that makes it 'Navy', the Catholics are quite demonic with black and red, blood red, but that is the colours of Milan AC as well, Berlusconi's soccer team, and then we have the white, the virginal white, white is all pure and clean and safe, so we put our doctors and nurses in white clothes and then the self elected Gurus of the world also wore white to signify The Light and how aligned with 'Good' they were vs the Forces of Evil in Black.
Can one fear the legal system or authority just because they wear black robes? Yes one can, it happens to me and I just realized it.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to connect colours with experiences, feelings and emotions, to copy and paste colors tags with their emotional content inside of myself, from others who gave to me both the word and its value within their own value system based on experiences, feelings and emotions
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to develop a resistance to the color black when worn by authority because black has a content of fear that I have never addressed before to clear it out
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that the use of colors in our society for positions of Imaginary Authority is deliberate, to promote and provoke fear and hence submission, obedience to the system as it was designed and passed on to us by others who have submitted and obeyed before
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to connect the color black to death and within this for fearing death and dying and the suffering that revolves around the death of someone for their family and friends, without seeing, realizing and understanding that is not the colour in itself that I feared but the reminder that Death is just around the corner for all of us and we won't be able to escape it
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to connect the color black within Authority to a memory of my grandfather's dog who would chase priests until they were in sight, because he was taught to attack priests and to recognize them by their robes by my non catholic grandfather
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that supporting a system that needs to make us fearful for respect means that it is not deserving or earning our respect but commanding, demanding it, through manipulations that include visual manipulations to elicit an emotional response to make sure we don't step out of the line and take orders from the Men in Black -if we wish to live
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the color black is loaded with meanings that I have accepted, allowed and then riconfirmed for myself as valid and that this is the reason why when I see or imagine an authority figure dressed in black I feel a movement of fear
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear the color black, not seeing realizing and understanding that the fear of the color black is a construct to keep us away from the truth of who we really are as the eternal darkness of life and within this for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that everything white was instead good, worthy, pure and desirable, like the white light and energy, instead of seeing and realizing that this world is upside down and there's more to it than meets the eye
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, at the height of my self judgement and disconnection to myself, become the color black, embody the color black to signify I was dead, beyond repair and that there was no chance for redemption for me and within this for giving up on myself and for believing I could never change
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire the power of the color black that I perceived oozing from those who wore it in position of authority, without seeing, realizing and understanding that the power was never in the colour black or in any colour per se, but was my own perception of power projected and separated from myself into the color black
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to see protection from the colour black and the Authority and Power I perceived as it, without seeing, realizing and understanding that everything in this world has just the meaning and content we either accepted and allowed or we gave to it and as such we can redefine everything in existence to clear it from emotions and feelings and return it to what it is, in case of colours a particular range of light refraction or the absence thereof
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to give special values to colours because, as I accepted and allowed myself to make one colour more than another I then allowed myself to be triggered into experiences of Fear, purity, Passion and Love just by association with a colour instead of remaining Here at all times stable in and as breath
When and as I see myself having a movement when faced with someone in a position that I perceive of power wearing the color black, I stop, breathe, see, realize and understand that there is nothing special about the colour nor about the person standing in front of me but what I project onto them due to my associations, beliefs, ideas and thoughts I have lived one and equal to myself
When and as I see myself desiring to wear black to harness the power of this colour, I stop, breathe, see, realize and understand that whatever I need outside of myself to make myself 'more' is in fact a point of diminishment as I accept and allow myself to believe that I don't have enough power, that I don't exist as a self empowered being and so I stop, breathe, remind myself that a colour is just a colour and that I am enough onto myself
When and as I see myself going into my mind regarding which colour to wear according to a special imaginary meaning, I stop, breathe and wear instead what is most fit for what I have to do within the system without giving any special value to anything external of myself in regarding to colors
I commit myself to no longer be impressed, manipulated or triggered into experiences, memories or ideas about value regarding the colour black or the imaginary authority of men who wear it.