Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Day 4: The need for a Decent Identity

Today and in the past few days I have looked at the point of why I would pick the title 'Director' for myself, the first most obvious reply is that it is work related, this is who I am job wise, and when a few days ago I went for a job interview I gave them my last printed business card, it says so there, I am a Managing Director of a company in Hong Kong. This is who I am.
Of this company up to now I have only paid the administration costs to the Company secretary and that is about it, I have not invoiced or done any business using this company yet. In my last job I was Operations Director, but that was 4 years ago, so as of today it would have been more fitting to write a  jobless journey to Life, but it did not even occur to me  to see myself as jobless, even though I am job-less so this is in fact what I am way more than a Director of a company that has not invoiced anything or the Director that I was 4 years ago, which is not Here and now.
So this point highlights not just mine or our need for an identity, but the need for a decent one, one we don't have to be ashamed of, because being jobless at my age, no matter how and why I came to place myself in this position, is pretty shame-ful, because it means I am no longer System placed within a position of power that may mean even only being able to make a decent living, without having to worry about the future.
I use to think I am not the worrying type, which is easy when you turn good money because worries mainly come from not having access to the Money system and not being able to support oneself into a decent life because the right to live has to be bought today, no one has a right to live unless they have Money to buy themselves the right to live, yet we stubbornly refuse to look at the Money point and why having a decent identity is relevant, as it is with our identity that we move in and as the system and find placements to secure a living for ourselves, get this, to secure a living, and this can only happen through Money, if you don't have Money your living is not secured, it's not assured, it's up for grabs, if you are starving you will have to sell yourself out because you have nothing of value to give, you have no identity to sell out in exchange for some money that will guarantee that you can eat, have a roof over your head and be able to care for yourselves and your family, I am lucky I don't have a family to support because I would not have been able to live the life I led for the simple reasons that I would have been forced to worry about money consistently, continuously, asking myself what choices I had for me to live and self express apart from the non choice of having to work to support my self and make a living for myself and my family.
So Identities are our pass into the Money System, the more valuable identities we have been able to build through education or through experience, the higher our value is on the Money market, this is why I am reticent to let go of my title and my identity, and this is how the system makes sure we keep ourselves separated from each other into make belief identities that we fuel through our fears of not making it and not being able to pay for our Life.
Is it acceptable that Lives have gone on sale ? Personally I think it's not acceptable, but I am new to this perspective, because when the system worked for me and I worked for the system, I looked for ways to justify why Inequality made sense and why I deserved what I had, I stopped there, because even at the height of my delusions I aways felt a sense of disgust for myself when I tried to explain in my mind why others did not deserve a decent life, I tried the Karma story and  the 'we want to try it all out, it's just an illusion' story, but still, every time one of my friend said out loud 'we deserve it' about something good we had, I felt sick with myself, because when I agreed what I meant was, we deserve it..and others don't ?
Do others deserve to be sick and not be able to care for themselves or their children, do others deserve to die of starvation, do others deserve to be raped or sent to war, to have their kids vaccinated in third world countries in a big plan to reduce the population so we can have even MORE than what we have now because the starving take up useful land on which we could build and make a killing in the process ?
Make a killing in the process ?
Do we deserve an identity that highlights we have more rights than another, is our identity a point of Ego, through which we build a fortress against those we should be sharing this planet with ? I dent thy, through my right to be more than you, have a luckier life than yours, have what you can't even dream about because in your denting of 'I', I participated in taking everything from you and left you without the possibility of a Life, in this world that we have built for the survival of the fittest and I dent thy, who have no identity, who are part of a multitude of nameless people in the pictures of the starving that I see as having no relations to me, while I participate in the game of wanting to be more, fearing to be less, leaving some to be nothing at all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my identity that is related to my ability to make money and support myself efficiently within the system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my identity as a point of making myself more than others while I fear being less than others in relation to my ability to make money in and as the system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not care that others may suffer when I can make everything work for me and support myself effectively not caring if others cannot

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be more than others for fear of being less and having to live through the short end of the stick of this system of abuse of which I am a creator

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having to endure the short end of the stick of a system of abuse that I keep in place through my fear of letting go of the long end of the stick

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not care for others that don't have access to the Money system as long as I had

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect who I am to an identity in fear that if I were identity-less I could not survive

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear surviving without a decent identity and for being jealous of other identities who have better access to the money system than me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be praised for my identity as a proof that I exist and have a pass to access the money system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek my value into and as an identity because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that without an identity, meaning a pass into the Money system , I am worthless

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to link my worth to the money system and within this supporting a construct that makes me and all others One and Equal, worthless unless we have Money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in and as fear of not having access to the Money system,because within this I validate the money system as the Life giver replacing Life as the Life giver

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard Life as a Value and Worth we all share in favour of Money because I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will die without Money and so Money is more important than Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the death of me as an identity of separation and self interest because I have not yet walked the correction of returning value to Life from the Money system on which I placed it in fear of survival

When and as I see myself attaching value or about to attach value to my identity above Life, I stop, breathe, remind myself that I am walking to nothingness and this includes leaving behind all delusions of who I have been of any importance as I have realized there is nothing that has importance but Life One and Equal for everybody

When and as I see myself fearing using a working title because I have attached a judgement of myself as a personality of superiority in fear of my inferiority, I stop, breathe , remind myself that it is never about the title we use to work in and as the system but the misplacement of value from Life onto anything outside and separate from me as All as Life that I no longer support and that I can do what I need to do to become efficient in and as the system without attaching any value to what I do while I keep walking my process of self correction

I commit to consider Life and what is best for All above my personal interests of the mind, regardless the resistance that I will have to face in letting go of who I have been within my personalities plays of self interest while I worried and considered only myself and not Self as Life as One and Equal, and to walk this correction for myself and All existence One and Equal until All will be able to live a dignified Life in and as Oneness and Equality

I commit myself to stop my participation in mind tantrums relative to the resistances I have to face as I see and understand that this change will not be an easy fix but a process I will have to walk consistently and this can happen only if I commit to walk despite anything my mind offers as an excuse and reason not to because I see the point that my walking affects others in ways I am not yet able to see and comprehend fully and I won't allow myself to be the point that fails taking with me someone else just because I did not apply myself consistently enough as self directive principle in walking myself out of the mind of polarity and separation, back into neness and Equality for All

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