Friday, April 27, 2012

Day 14: On The Emotional Ride of the Interdimensional Interviews

 I have been listening to a lot of the Eqafe interviews, I am up to Anu's 24th, Relationships as Illusions of Control,  and I have started the Soul of Money series.
I have left the Atlanteans behind, I think I am only up to 18th, the Decision of Division,  the reasons is obvious, they are the Losers within our History, so basically my mind has filed them as 'what the fuck do they have to teach ? Look at where we find ourselves now...Hellooo ?"
So, much inequality in my perception of the Past as well, not everyone's message having the same worth, the Losers are Less worthy than the Winners, isn't this interesting, that with every move we make within us as the Mind, we consolidate this Reality of Abuse, where someone has to lose for someone to Win, and we praise the Winner, and leave behind the Loser, simply because the Winner has more chances to survive, the Loser has lost already, the Loser is me, us, what we have become in and as this system of Inequality and Abuse, the me I have tried so hard to leave behind.
Of course as I go through these interviews all sorts of stuff comes up, some of them I perceive as 'reassuring', yeah, we are going to make it, come on, the Mind is just my filing system, it's a support, nothing to Fear, the ones that I found most supportive are by far Anu's after rehab (free interview), a must hear, while others just still scare the living shit out of me, top of this list for now are, The Soul of Money series, I could only do the first one, as everything seems so big, I feel swallowed by the information into a black hole, come one, how are we ever getting out of this, and last night, Anu's Women , that One was scary too, more, was beyond scary, it gave me a sense of nothingness of the ridiculousness of this existence of the guilt and shame we hold on to when we have been mere pawns of an Interdimensional game, then anger, wanting to kick Anu's ass through the galaxies, have him come and live out a few life cycles and try this fucking creation out and see, how enjoyable it was to have our Minds polluted with sex of the kind he designed that led to pornography as an outflow and look how far we took it, and last night I had a moment of rebellion, 'have I accepted and allowed this, WHEN ? I fucking want a date, I want to see my acceptance and allowance of this fuck up, have I signed up somewhere? Did I understand all this when I accepted this Life experience, REALLY ? I want to see the evidence !"
Yet the evidence is all around me as this life experience, the signature is my own existence, I have signed up and sealed in in and with blood, I might not have had the full view or understanding but then why didn't I ask questions then ? don't they tell us to read the fine prints before signing something, it must come from the first of our fuck ups, READ THE FINE PRINTS MAN!
So, last night I experienced Anger AND another thing, a sort of collapse of the sex system (free interview) within me, a crippling of the sex system (free interview), like if whole filing systems were sucked into the black hole of this information and moved into nothingness, at least the ones that were held up by guilt and shame, and a sense of the ridiculousness of the emotion and feelings system, really, we feel emotions and feelings we can't even make sense of, except for digging them out to the original link, a belief, an idea, an opinion, a CULTural system, the realization that I do not in fact exist yet, I am JUST a filing system, and I have to clear out the files to find the engine of all of this, what I have buried underneath all of this, Life, the Life I have used and abused to power this mind show of which I did not even get benefits, as I was designed to be a bee worker into the beeingness of this Human experience, so I put down my design and walk away from it, will get back to listening to the Losers, because guess what, I am just one of them, a Loser, just like everyone else, poor, rich, it doesn't matter, we are all participants in the Game of Energy and so we are Losers from the start, as we left behind Life for a Game  to prove we were More, More than Life, that we could put up a brighter show, a more intense experience using the physical as our power source for our enter-tainment, just to come to this and find Out we left behind everything to turn into the nothing we have become, from which we will have to rewrite ourselves as Worthy of Life, the given we have given up in our separation from All there Is and manifested this Horror Show we now call The Human Experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the Interdimensional interview as they go exposing how I, as a piece of creation and of the whole, participated with my acceptances and allowances and direct participation, in the manifestation of the world we now live as and in

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to divide the past, my past into winner and losers as I accept and allow competition to exists in and as me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what I perceive as too big for me to take on, as the World systems and their exposure in the Eqafe interviews, The Soul of Money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel anger toward the design of sex because I have given up my responsibility in accepting and allowing sex to become what it is today through my participation in sex in and as the Mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reduce sex from a physical Self Expression to a merry go round of pictures and experiences of the mind that I use to stimulate myself into energy build ups and energy releases

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry at Anu for this creation because he was the winner and we were the losers, instead of realizing we all lost when we started our separation from Oneness and reduced ourselves to Frightened lackful beings

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire that Anu went through the physical experience to taste a slice of the cake he baked for humanity, while not seeing that Equality means we are Equal and One, in creation and the fuck up of it and I just got to experience the manifested consequences of what I created within another expression of Self, as Anu is

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent having to walk the manifested consequences of this manifestation without seeing that unless I accept the consequences of what is Here, I am not Equal and One to this Creation, as Creation always has consequences, and until I become Equal and One I cannot be effective at changing myself as the whole and the manifested consequences I create from Here forward

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not face this discomfort regarding The Soul of Money series because I felt I was behind everyone else and if I wrote this out I would be seen as weaker

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Fear being Weaker and others and my own judgement of myself as 'weaker'

When and as I see myself facing fear within the Interviews I am catching up with, I stop, breathe, look at which fears a specific interview has brought to light within me and apply self forgiveness until I stand clear from fear

When and as I see myself as useless after listening to the Grand Design that brought us all Here, I remind myself I was there a the time of creation since all this creation is Self, and I am Self, so I slow down to integrate and reawaken these memories within me as the Creator and not as the abused within the Human Experience Drama

When and as I see myself stuck on a point, I stop, breathe, write it out to apply self forgiveness and release myself from the stuckness and keep walking myself into my Self Correction to manifest Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All as I understand that I am the problem and I must therefore be the solution as well within Self Honesty and Self Responsibility

I commit myself to understand what happened that brought us where we are today and what was my participation in relationships of the mind that built the energetic cage we now found ourselves stuck in and as, so I can unlock the cage doors through my self forgiveness and release myself and others One and Equal as I move to no longer be a threat to myself and other parts of Self, by embracing Self Honesty and Self Responsibility for everything that is Here, One and Equal, that I have created through my acceptances and allowances or my direct participation and STOP this creation so we may rewrite on the empty sheet I become, a world that is Best for All

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