Day 303: Death Becomes Me

Last night I listened to Sunette's interview called 'Death and Life'.

There were so many good points to look at about Death and how we have created a world full of it, funny, as a consequence of our fear of the responsibility of Living for real we embraced Death more willingly than we embraced Life.

As I looked back at the past week and my interactions, there were so many talks about death, almost none about Life, we have given Life up to Money without and the Mind within and Death ended up being so much more entertaining, so much more something to look forward to than living or at least, as we are clueless about how to go about living, we transit the Planet in a Haze waiting for our AfterLife, no longer making big plans like the Pharaohs for the trip and the goodies we wish to take with us, possibly due to Austerity, but still hoping to be able to plan for a peaceful Death, as if, one like the one a lady told me I would have, meant as a gift I guess, good karma to wish a peaceful death on someone, she said that being a sensitive she could see both me and my mum will 'go' in our sleep, no diseases and no traumatic Deaths to be scared about, surely something she wishes for herself but believes won't be able to get, she has by now accepted herself as already dis-eased and with a foot in the grave.

My mum one week ago said that she went to visit my grandparents for a small chat and to change the flowers on display, she meant at the cemetery, those are by far the least controversial visits she had with them, finally she is the only one talking with no rebuttals or things said in return that could trigger some wild automated response. 

We ended up having our best relationships with the Dead ones while we forgo our responsibility to fix the ones we have with those who are alive, how amazing of us.

Today on the news the story of a woman condemned to 12 months community service for unlawfully preventing the burial of a child that was born still born for having been kicked in the belly by her partner while she was expecting, we condemn the disrespect for Death, what about the disrespect of Life, how did THAT become Normal? Are we aware that we have created a world where Death has more value than life? Are we aware that there is something disturbing in making Laws to protect the right of the Dead and not the ones of the Living? Given that we only operate in Self Interest at the moment, are we Dead or Alive?

Solving the Death point, our fear of Death -and our fear of life-, changing our Investment Plans from Death to Life would be one of the ways we can reestablish a chance to live, not being so worried about something we cannot plan or orchestrate or, for once, manipulate, would not only bring us back Here but would allow us to have a chance at working out how to live and self express, because honestly I am just realizing how I don't have a clue about it and how much I will have to dig still to start to see a sliver of Life in me as I write out the kind of Life I want to be in consideration of the whole, something I have realized I am alien to, and  I work at how to build good relationship with people while they are still alive and how to change while I can do so for sure, because honestly no one knows what is waiting on the other side, Heaven above and Hell below seems a bit far fetched, living the Hope that magically by leaving behind the body we'll rid ourselves of all the crap we have participated in/with would mean that we are innocent and the body is guilty, the body is the carrier of the crappy life and experiences while we are all spiritual beings just momentarily trapped within it.

Yet what Breathes and is in fact alive is The Body, The Physical, when we'll move onto the Afterife what we'll leave behind is Life, an oxymoron to even have to say it, but as we became used to living words with other mean-ings, the original meaning of words just went lost, we guesstimated afterlife to mean 'afterthislife' where another, better one is waiting for us for the moment we'll finally will be saying our farewells to our shriveled up raisins like empty 'evil' bodies.

Do we bellieve our bodies are just our place of residence? Our flesh is who we are, if the house, The Temple where we live has become all dirty and mouldy why not consider cleaning it up, why not clean up our acts, redefine the starting points that move us to action or inaction, why not redefine this hellish existence of Death into one of Life, where we can all thrive, expand and share a dignified worthwhile existence.

Life is not what we manage to own or put our hands on, it's not our possessions, Life is Self Expression within self Responsibility, we can't have the Life cake and eat it by not taking responsibility for ourselves and everything we are connected to, we don't live on an island alone unless we live in our minds, so it is time to learn what Self Expression as Life means, and this will happen only by deleting what self Expression is NOT until we come to a blank slate and from there redesign who we decide ourselves to be vs what we were designed to be.

A process to undo what we have done so far that hasn't worked for ourselves or the Whole as One is available at Desteni.org, Death became us, we have the choice to stick to it or work to get our lives back and learn to live for the very first time as Self honest, self responsible Human beings that consider themselves as part of an organic Whole that can thrive with each one's ego-less participation.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to glorify Death as a teenager by saying and writing that 'Death is paid with Life'

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be fascinated with death and the AfterLife vs participating in Life Here as an intrinsec piece of the puzzle that must stand in and as self responsibility for myself and all of existence as One

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear Death and dying in a violent death when I have no direct information about how the death experience is and therefore everything I think about it is just an assumption with no foundation in reality and I will have to live to see it through when the time comes, which is something I have no control over in any way and is therefore time to let go all and every worry about it

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that the AfterLife was more important than Life, because within this belief I accepted and allowed a World of Death to exist as I glorified what may come vs what is Here where I can infact learn to live and experience mySelf through this opportunity to do so and within this for accepting and allowing myself  to waste my Life in the pursuit of a worthy ticket into the AfterLife, disregarding what is Here that is not yet living in Oneness and Equality the dignity that we could grant to each other by standing as One beyond our Egos for what is Best for All and All of existence as One.

Related articles

• Day 288 - Religion and Death
• Day 291 - I Really Am Going to Die
• Day 292 - Specific Fears of Death/Dying
• Death Research - Day 350
• Day 339: Why Do You Not Question the Authority of God? (Part 3)
• Who (or What) determines/defines Life? - Part Two: DAY 358

Day 287: The Value of Life = Money?

As we exchanged opinions on Quora, it became clear we don't understand, perceive or share the principle that All Life has Equal Worth.

What is the system that we have used so far to establish the value of Life?

Is there one we are not aware of that we have just internalized and now we can't see anymore clearly and so we are not aware of what we are using as the measure for the worth of Life?

Sure there is, it's Money.

I have a vague memory of being real young and discovering that insurance companies would not pay up the same price for Life policies of different people, I don't remember this point striking me as odd, on the contrary, I remember that when my mum explained to me the WHY as in 'if the person that dies was a doctor, the insurance would pay more due to what we would call 'Loss of potential Earnings' and that would be calculated on a Life time earnings that had been missed out on due to death'.

It made perfect sense. Which means that I had already internalized the value of human life equivalent to Money or to Money earning potential. (Ogden Tables - how insurances evaluate the worth of a Life)

So back a few more years, I am in kindergarten and my mum bought a black and white TV for my school, I received public recognition and an applause, that felt damn good, so it could have been then that I made this connection - giving something to people that I can Buy will give me value as recognition of generosity and of a good character, hence I developed a liking for giving, not devoid of self interest of course, I would be cashing in the good feelings coming from the gratefulness and happiness of others.

Same time more or less, my grandparents always insisting in buying me the 'best available in any shop', watching the shop attendants scuttle around to please them, equating buying power with power and people with more buying power to MORE, desiring to have more buying power than others to be able to access this more-ness to compensate for sure my not-enough-ness.

Special events spent at my grandparents home, display of treats as special food that was not available in my mother's home, more 'joy' due to drinking and overeating, connecting joy to having more to share with others, being the bringer of treats and special foods to a table to make people happy, money as a way to induce good feelings in people, the ones with more money able to induce more good feelings in others, bringers of joy and as such more valuable than the poor that had nothing to add to the life of another in terms of things, defining the worth of life through the worth of things one is able to afford and share.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was not enough and I had to find ways to up my worth by subscribing to an external value/worth system, such as the Money system

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe and subscribe to the belief that some lives are worth more than others just because insurance companies have set up tables defining the value of life as 'potential missed earnings' which means according to the profession and relative remuneration of each one, vs an Equal Value of Life for All, seeing, realizing and understanding that life can't be and should not be defined by the potential to earn money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to notice that, if the worth of a Life was connected to the ability to earn Money, Life itself was tied into a monetary value/worth, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Money is what we are worth and that our capacity/ability to generate a wage is what gave meaning and value to our life, which is why I still meet with people who hold this belief as a reminder that this belief exists one and Equal within me and is in need to be corrected and realigned to Oneness and Equality returning worth and value to Life itself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define the value of life as more or less according to what one can BUY for another, instead of seeing and realizing that the whole point of some being able to buy something for someone who doesn't have access to the same benefit, is just a sign of unequal distribution of resources and of value tied in to money/resources and that we should work together to change the distribution of resources to Equality and not benefit from having more than others as a way to have more value/power than any other in the world

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when I was a kid and I was catered for by shop assistants who could assess at a glance my grandparents buying power, to feel special and more than others who did not have access to the same "Best" I had access to, and within this for desiring to keep this "Best" advantage going for myself as a way to be more than others in value/worth

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I would have to ever swap place with those who had less, I would have to feel diminished by having to accept the charity of others who were in a position of superior buying power than the one I had, because I diminished others inside of me when I could find out they did not have my same buying power as I did not recognize the value of Life as One and Equal for All but connected to what one could afford to show their value/worth

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to connect the worth of Life with what kind of table displays I could set up and share with others as a statement of my superior value/worth as I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fancy table displays of my grandparents with joy and happiness due to overeating and over drinking, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to have more value and worth than others in being the dispenser of such happy moments that others could not offer to me due to our discrepancy in access to food choices due to Money Inequality

I commit myself to, when I come face to face with others who hold a specific Life/Money conversion table, to investigate within myself how and if I am participating in the same constructs and if I am, to correct myself to let go my acquired beliefs, opinions and ideas about what makes a Life worthy, to return to Life its own intrinsic Value that I misplaced on things and symbols in separation from myself as Life

I commit myself to investigate the points in which I still perceive I give myself a superior value using things and symbols in separation from myself and when I find any, to self correct myself to realign to Oneness and Equality and what is best for All

I commit myself to stand unconditionally for an Equal Money System to create a world of Equals where Life is the only Value we all Equally share to guarantee a dignified Life for All and the end of all abuses and crimes against Life to ensure that those born after us won't have to face such a world where Life has gone on sale for the imaginary value of a make belief Monetary System as the Key to the Vital resources we should all Equally share.

Heaven on Earth for All is possible - we  just have to decide to change and change the world with us, as us - after death we'll be dead, and so far there have been zero intervention from the other side, what if the power to change existed only within The Physical while we are Alive? Should we wait to die to find out?

Day 258: We Can't Boycott the System - We are the System

We have created a world where we have finally Pushed ourselves against a wall, well done on us.

Today I had this realization that there is NOTHING we can do to stop this world, but Change It.

We write about Inequality and the System not working, the Banks who are greedy grabbers holding the interest life line of many people everywhere in the world, evicting them from their homes, driving whole families into poverty, closing down businesses or about the Corporate leeches who are sucking the blood off everyone and we come up with apparently clever ideas to 'fight' the system that are never considering the absolute unsolvable interconnectedness of all things.

So, however good we are at spotting the source of our system problems, we can't attack it, wrestle it to the floor, kill it, not even boycott will work which would seem the most peaceful solution, because wherever we withdraw our support, something dies, people lose jobs, homes, their ability to support themselves.

Today I saw a shop selling shoes for 10 euro, shoes and boots -for 10 euro, some labels said made in India, that means they have even traveled, so to calculate their 'value' you'll have to deduct the profit of the Italian seller, their operation costs, the wage for the people working in the shop, the rent, electricity, cleaning lady, repairs etc, then we move onto the product costs, there you have transport costs, import taxes costs, packaging costs, we could safely say that those shoes were paid within 2 Euro at the factory -unless they were stolen , which would open another problem for those they were stolen from as loss of capital, loss of revenue etc-, 2 euro at the Indian factory means that the worker can't get more than 1 euro per day, that would be a handsome pay based on the cost/worth of the shoes, and would come up to about 30 USD per month if they pay overtime at the factory and have them work 29 days a month, like they do in China.

Now, imagine that since we see the abuse we decide to boycott this shop, we'll be the righteous ones, the boycotters of the one point of a Chain of Abuse. Now, let's look at the consequences of the added up action of boycotting purchases: the lady who was selling shoes in the shop, Romanian or Albanian she was, would lose her job, the staff is always the first that gets cut out because they are the easiest cost to cut, the shop would strive to stay open and ultimately close like it's happening to many small businesses in Italy -1600 a day for the record at June 2012-, they would no longer be a buyer for the Indian factory who would have to lay off staff that would go from their meagre 30 USD salary/month to starving. 

If they have a family they can't let their family starve, or should they so as to not upset the ones among us who actually do have food and a home and every comfort? Ultimately they will resort to crime, crime is NOT a choice, it's the choice for the ones who have No Choice.

Let's take another example Apple and Foxconn, we know Foxconn had a surge of suicides at one of their plants and ended up installing suicide prevention nets. We in the western world from our remote control as our keyboards were the ones asking to better the conditions of the workers in China, we did this because we wanted to take action from our comfortable homes so we could score another well spent day into addressing the problems of the system. We raised virtual signatures for a virtual petition -another utter mind f**k-, and due to popular demand -we like to believe, MY demand to be precise- Apple was forced to renegotiate the terms of the supply agreement with Foxconn.

The most logical way would have been for Apple to agree to pay MORE for the products AND ask for management changes to gruesome and inhumane labour conditions at the other end of the production wire. But they would not offer more money, meaning quantifiable more money, they instead used their purchase leverage to push the change, threatening to change supplier; with revenues of $40bn annually making everything from iPads to desktop computers and televisions, there should have been plenty of space for Foxconn to reduce the Profit at the top and improve the working conditions at the bottom, please see this link to Real-ize WHAT are the working conditions in China.

Foxconn, forced to take action against its will, moved to "dramatically" increase the workers pay, this happened in 2010, the wages were doubled in a very short time but the suicides didn't stop, proving that Money can't buy Life, a lessons we have to learn from the Poor and Destitutes of Society.  

Then came the suicide prevention scheme one of the cheap solutions born out of one such a situation: Apple said "we no longer want to hear about suicides at the factory" - "Okey-Dokey"- thought the Chinese, 'honestly' there was no more room for improving the workers conditions and keeping the hands of the top layers firmly on the loot at the same time, so they came up with the plan to catch the attempting offenders, as those looking forward to jump to their death {that speaks volume about the alternative they lived..}, into mid air- THIS is how they will surely prevent suicides, they'll stop them in their attempted foolish act and then 're-form' them into model workers, ain't that clever? And all without costing more than a few rolls of nets, this is Cost Control at its best.

The point I am trying to make is that there is NO solution to this system because the system is squeezed in between 2 profit motives, not just one, and it's always going to be the ones at the lowest places of the pecking order who are going to pay, so when we stand for boycotting anything, we should stop and see how whatever we do has in fact consequences that will be paid by someone else, and that if we do want to change this system and stop the atrocious lives some are living without choice, we have to implement an overall system change, we must become the nets that catch All those that would otherwise be falling to their death or into a life of misery, and until then we can't stop participating in the system, which in a very distorted way is Great, because NO ONE can ever claim to be an innocent bystander, not even through ignorance, shoes costing 10 euros can only be the result of a crime, either one against Life or against the Law, there is no other way to manufacture shoes and boots that are that dirt cheap, not even if the cows would cut and sew their own skin while they were still alive.

Boycotting the system at this stage is an act of cowardice and irresponsibility, we have to see the System as Us and all the points in the system as us and as we move away from our pointless greedy consumption and shift some of our revenues into supporting One Worthy Cause, and that is Change for All to establish Equality and Oneness on Earth, we have to support the system at the same time, we created it, it's our Brain (Damaged) Child, it needs reforming into something that considers the Life of All Living Beings as Equally Worthy and Valuable, it is because we have not looked after the System as Ourselves that it has gotten out of hand to this point of Absolute Unimaginable Abuse, we have to get back into the driving seat and not turn our back on our Creation, no matter which judgement or opinions we have taken on board that further separate us from each other on what's right and what's wrong. In fact it is despite the opinions and ideas that separate each other that we have to stand as One for What is best for All. This is how we'll measure if we are worthy of the Breath as Life we all Equally have or if we rather embrace our individual Pettiness and Petty Causes to perpetuate our Egos as Warriors of Light, Greenpeacers, Whale Protectors, Gay Marriage spokespeople, Vegan, Christian, Buddhist, Manchester United Fans, Anti-this, Pro-that, while the problems keep piling up, just because we can't let all that crap go already and unite in One Vision, where All Life is given Only the Best of everything, from education to healthcare, to nutrition, to shelter, clothing as we stand to share Equally this Planet and everything it provides for the Good of All.

If you understand what I am saying in any way, or if you are starting to see the magnitude of the problem we face, consider stopping your participation in the irrelevant fringe movements that are causing more harm than good, some people have real good intentions, if you are one of these -inform yourself on how we can design a system that works for all and once we have it in place, we can pull the rug under the feet of the old one and watch it crumble but we can't do it before we move into place into our own individual and collective positions of responsibility.

Life is suffering Big Time and it doesn't have to be this way, we are the system as the sum of all its parts, the only things that needs to change is the bricks that hold the system in place and we'll have the World we say we want, a world where we return to Life it's Capital Value and everyone as Life will be Equally supported from Birth to Death. Join us @#EqualMoney. Life is waiting.

Related articles

• A kinder, gentler Apple? Don't bet on it.
• Obama: Boy Scouts Should Allow Gays As Members
• Day 258: Vampires in the Soul of Sacred Geometry - ADC - Part 105
• Day 258: Dying To Get A Job
• Poverty due to Humans' Ignorance Will End in an Equal Money Capitalism - Day 282
• Day 291: Suicidal Imbeciles We Are
• A message to the Spiritual people - Day 287

Day 150: Heaven Can't Wait

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a resistance to the truth of Our Creation because I don't want to hear or read something that doesn't make me feel good about myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to feel good/positive about myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a resistance within me regarding the word 'robot' because I have judged robot to be less than humans

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I am less than a robot because I have not been able to program myself for what is best for all but just for what is best for me within self interest in fear and separation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to the word 'robot' applied to humans because robots are not alive and I want to hold on to the illusion that I am alive and not ali(v)e

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, whenever I sit down to read Heaven's Journey to Life, to desire to fiddle, get up and do something else, without wanting to notice the discomfort I feel every time I push myself to read, hoping that the discomfort would go away by itself and not having to face that I in fact hate facing the reality of what we have become which in my Mind is diminished to a machine like existence and not even a good one at that

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to approach Heaven's Blogs as everything else I do, hoping that the discomfort will go away, denying that I feel discomfort and ultimately Suppressing the discomfort, because I don't see a common sense reason for my discomfort as I judge it as 'not logical' and I don't want to put in the time to look what is it that I have created that now has me kicking and screaming through the process of reading, but instead push for the kicking and screaming in the face of my discomfort just so as to not address how I experience myself in diminishment and shame

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed when I read Heaven's blogs regarding the utter cruelty of this creation and for feeling angry that no one else shows the same resistance but gratitude, which seems to me as the Mind so fucking misplaced  because being led out of this mess is the very fucking least that the Creator should do for us, given that we have not come with an instruction manual or any sort of awareness of what it was that we were creating and how

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry at this Creation and the Creators and for not caring that it was the Atlanteans or the Reptilians or the Blueberry Muffins that got us where we are, and that I find disgusting that there was no awareness to start with regarding where this path was going to lead us in such a world and I want to blame them for where we are and hold on to my righteousness of 'you got us here now you get us out of here'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to blame the creators of this existence and for wishing that they were forced into it to experience what is it like to be stuck into a Mind Consciousness System and if they would be so cool and dandy then about being willing to swap places from where they have an overview of everything and how everything works, to the encaging of ourselves into thoughts, feelings and emotions that we are just starting to grasp that we can decide if we want to participate with or not

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that 'they have it sweet' from up there in the clouds giving interviews on the hows and whys and for wanting them to pay for what they did, because we are not toys that could be created, wound up and set about a world just to produce energy for Heaven and there should not be any gratitude for this process because it is owed to us as part of each one taking responsibility for the fuck ups and getting us out of here and out of the delusion of separation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire that those that do something that I judge as 'wrong' should 'pay' for it, which is what plays out at the moment into our imaginary Justice System, where through opinions that we call Laws some get to pay for their imaginary wrongdoings and we all get to feel safer and happier about it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to kick Anu through the Heavens until I won't feel this rage anymore but that we have proficiently squared the books

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to use logic to overcome my feelings and thoughts about this Creation, without seeing and realizing that my logic is not common sensical at the moment but a product of my mind, in which I will always desire to find the wrongs and right them, because as a Mind I live in and as polarity, and that until I live within the box of my own mind regarding this Creation point I won't be able to see the solution as me but only me as the problem and someone else as the solution to me as the problem

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hope that if I kept pushing all this would go away and I would not have to face this existential rage for this creation and the disgust for what it turned out to be, instead of facing my rage and take responsibility for it so I can clear it and move on through self forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be disgusted at this/my creation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to blame another for this creation and within this I forgive myself that, through this simple act of blaming, I give my power away for myself as this Creation as I state that I am not response-able for it because it's someone else's mess and They should be the ones doing the cleaning up and not me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my power to the desire to not be responsible just because I no longer remember how I got here, and yet when I can walk myself through the 'how I got here' I don't want to, I resist it, because when I do walk the hows and I am then faced with the Truth of me and my responsibility for this creation I will no longer be able to blame it on another and I will have to stand absolute as a point that needs to realign to Oneness and Equality and what is Best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that just because I don't remember how I got here, this is enough to not make me responsible as I associate responsibility with knowledge and then with blame and then guilt and shame, instead of seeing self response -ability for what it is, not an emotion but a standing as a piece of this puzzle that decided to realign to oneness and equality and what is best for all

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself because I did not have the same 'yeah, Heaven's Blogs' of the rest of the group as I compared my participation to the participation of others and judged myself as less and bad, because of my resistances and stubborn unwillingness to look at them, instead of just facing the point and realigning myself to the benefits that this information is giving us to clear the fog and support our process of equalization to existence as One

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make up ideas about what I can expose as something that I as the Mind criticize and what I cannot criticize within the group because I fear that some things are not up for being questioned and so my feelings and thoughts are not valid and have to be suppressed, instead of seeing and realizing my thoughts and feelings are showing me who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and there cannot be anything that is off limits as I walk my path to realignment or, like in this case, I postpone taking on a topic because of my own judgements about it, and then I have to drag myself through a task that I have seen as important just because I was unwilling to clear myself through self forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that I am unable to grasp Heaven's blog because my mind wanders many times through it, instead of seeing and realizing, my mind wandered because I allowed myself to pile up thoughts and emotions that distracted me that I did not clear up and that stood between me and the understanding of what was written in very clear terms for everyone to grasp, including myself

I commit myself to stop my existence as existential rage for this Creation as I see, realize and understand Rage comes up when I believe I am not in charge and therefore I "charge", instead I see realize and understand I am in charge of how I experience myself and the world around me and this includes Heaven's blogs

I commit myself to breathe through Heaven's blogs and be consistent in my readings so as to not pile up material that I then want to rush through to catch up and be up to date

I commit myself to, if and  as I see my mind start to wander, offering thoughts as diversion, to stop and breathe, keep reading without accepting the diversion so that I can read it once effectively and not 10 times to manage to align myself to the content which I could have gotten the first time without distractions

I commit myself to stop my fear of knowing the truth about me/Us and this Creation, because when I fear I am not Here and when I am not Here I cannot Hear what I read effectively.

Related articles

• Day 149: I Don't Want To Go to Heaven
• Thoughts: Pixels of the Screen of the Mind - Part 1: DAY 145
• Yes, I KNOW!!! - Part 2: DAY 148
• The Science of Thought - Part 1: DAY 150
• The Mind System's Unconscious/Subconscious Mind Relationship - Part 1: DAY 159
• Day 148: Swopping Places
• Day 79: Blame Character Self Forgiveness Statements
• Day 119: Suppression Character Self forgiveness statements
• Day 150: Matrix of FLESH is SELF
• Day 96: Individual Above Group?

Day 52: The Price of Inequality

I have been walking this point of Gender Inequality for some time now because I see it has been one of my favourite friction points that I have used to make myself feel more than men, while all the while fearing to be less, less in everything, included worth, just by birth.

For a couple of days I have been seeing a realization coming up about my beliefs of being a seductress and thus having All The Blame, in what went on between me and men, basically NOT giving them Equal Responsibility for our Relationships.

Funny because while I felt bad about it, I also felt MORE than them, first because I had the power to create such mess All By Myself and then because I was willing to take All The Blame.

What I missed about all this anger that I have carried for so many years against men about Them Always Having It Easy from Cradle to Grave and how we had to fight for Equality, was that this fight was only going on within and as myself, having accepted and allowed the beliefs of my culture about women vs men to become me, imprinting myself with the knowledge of our inferiority in everything from strength to wages (which was the biggest pisser), just to then turn into a Feminist in Garters, to show them who was Boss, through the Game of Sex and Seduction, ironic how I believed I was in charge of THAT at least !

 

The price of this was, that since I had become unwilling to give Men Equality within relationships in my balancing act attempting to not be squashed by the gender stereotype, where I had to be Boss, I ended up not even giving them the Equal responsibility of our mess ups.

You can't have your cake and eat it, want to be Boss ? Then it's all Your Responsibility, or you can become an Equal, and share the power and the responsibility.

It is the same in our world, we either stop to be more than others to become Equals or we have to pay the Price of our Choice, carry it all, the Blame and the Responsibility, instead of standing as Life One and Equal, sharing the World and our responsibility to ourselves and What is best for All.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame men for our gender inequalities, instead of seeing we are both born out of a system that designed us to play specific gender roles and no one is faulty or blamable but both responsible for standing in and as the Change to equalize ourselves

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear men and their power that I have believed to be greater than the power of women, instead of seeing I am always responsible for the dis-placement of my power outside of myself in separation from myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take pride in having fucked men around, because I saw this pride trait in men and I associated it with the greater power I believed they had over women, and  copycatted them to be like them, greater than them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to make men suffer for the faults of all men in the history of mankind and what they did against women, Instead of seeing the point of self responsibility and how since the beginning of time we have given it our power away within and as the 'idea and belief of the Stronger Man'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for all my gender play outs, instead of seeing I have been acting out my predesigned life and the stance I took within the role and design I accepted and allowed myself to play

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame men for the role they played within the world system, instead of seeing both genders as the twisted design born out of separation into inequalities and fears

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use men as my main point of friction, in which I would get a feeling of a high in and when I could 'beat them' within words to make myself feel more while I participated endlessly within the inferiority and superiority construct

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to see that I could never get what I was not willing to give and that not giving men Equal responsibility for our mutual fuck ups was my desire to not recognize their Equality to me and therefore I have never got to experience Equality within my relationship with Men

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Blame men for the Inequality I believed existed due to their having been born in a situation/position of privilege, instead of realizing that it was the Equality that I was not willing to share within our responsibility for the way our Relationships turned out that led me to experience Inequality at every level of every relationship with men

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my issues of Inequality outside on the easy target of gender, instead of seeing I was living Inequality as me, within me and that I would never be able to experience what I was not giving to myself first as Self as One and Equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT see that I could NEVER get what I was not willing to give and for NOT giving what I desired to have to myself and to everyone Equally

I commit myself to walk the giving of everything I perceive I lack to myself first and foremost, to bring myself into Equality and Oneness with myself as Self as One and Equal, Stopping all the Blame for what I am not experiencing on the outside, because anything that I am not yet living or experiencing is because I have not yet given it to myself, as One as Equal, As Life and everything that exists.

Day 11: Re-Warding myself

I have a re-ward pattern, literally as I wrote it.

This re-ward applies to all areas of my life, when I lived in Hong Kong I had Reward cards from everywhere I went, I still keep some, I used to get a stamp for every purchase or treatment or whatever it was I spent money on.

Now that I am back in Italy I have started piling up reward cards again, they build up discounts and from the discounts you save Money within the old paradigm that the 'More you Spend the More You Save' (?).

When I don't have my reward cards, I don't shop, just in case I may miss out on some 'rewards'.

As a kid I would be rewarded with sweets or money by my grandparents, and as a consequence I associated both Money and Sweets to being Re-warded.

The Reward system started early within the Family System, I have seen this happen with other kids, when parents ask them to do something the answer has become 'what do you give me?', as if nothing can be given for free, this is how they teach us 'there are no free meals in this world', in fact in a way or another, we pay for every meal even at our parents' Home, either with obedience and respect or just plain submission.

Then, we move on and teach the same crap to other kids, least they may learn to just do something for the sake of it, just to contribute equally, to express themselves and their Life as Self.

A sentence that really irritates me is 'What's in it for me ?' The reason why this question irritates me is obvious, it's vulgar to ask such a question, it's better to keep such thoughts in One secret Mind and do all the calculations in hiding, never coming clean on the point of vulgarity which we have come to equate with Self Interest. Yet, we all share it, think about it and live by it, a Life of Rewards.

When we speak about Equal Money, this happens too, one of the Questions is 'Then Why should people work if they are getting enough to Live?", while we do not realize that this very Question proves we are brainwashed slaves, jumping ONLY for a prize/price, living a life where I myself state clearly that nothing is FOR FREE MY DEAR, and then we wonder how this world came about, when reward is our ultimate and only goal and it is so hidden and suppressed we can't even talk about it so we may self correct and start to see the world and ourselves differently, instead of living as sluts that have sold out long ago to the reward system and since WE wouldn't do anything unless a reward was involved, for sure no one else will.

I reward myself with food, this is weird, that I have turned something I need to survive into a reward system, where I grant myself treats for having been 'good' which means I fear being bad and not walking the line, plus I believe I have no pleasures left in Life as I have associated pleasures to anything that is non physical in separation from me, so my pleasures used to LIE in experiences of myself that I am no longer having, like smoking pot, partying, having Sex, entertaining and being cared for. None of these things are available to me at the moment, by my own decision, yet I have not cleared what they meant to me in terms of who I was within these experiences, my sense of identity as a fun company while now I spend my time reading news of tragedies and the manifested consequences of our existences where nothing that has no dollar sign or a reward imprint is of no value, so I have been abusing myself with food, the last resort, the one thing I have been hanging from, even though I have lost my taste, which comes and goes, over 3 years ago and I have not yet been able to get it back consistently. This is the extent of my disconnection from my body, the sense of life being tasteless as so much ugliness happens in the world inside and outside of me that I wish to disconnect, to lose the taste for this experience, relinquish for good any belief I ever held about pleasure in separation of myself as me, never realizing there is nothing I need of any worth to make up for my life of and as separation, and that no worth exist apart from Life whose worth is Life itself but I never got this until now, and even now is just becoming a possibility of something I may Self Realize once I stop living and existing as separation instead of Living Here as self Expression as Life in every moment of Breath.

My reward system manifests in the smallest things, even when I write blogs, I feel rewarded when people read them, or when Bernard and the old Desteni school approve them, I get the feeling of a 'job well done' because I am not enough to myself, I need acknowledgement and recognition and these can only come to me through competition, because I need to compare myself to others to judge myself and come out as Better, as having achieved more, more clicks, more likes, just something that establishes my value above others, it's subtle, but it's there, it's suppressed, yet is there, and until I face it I am a reward slut, motivating myself through and by the feed back of others, that feed me back what I need to survive, a sense of my worth and value from which I have separated myself, and in this separation I have re-warded myself, into the Psych Ward of my Mind as the very rewards I seek are my admittance slips into my own secret mad mad world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my life needs to be rewarded to have value

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate food and money with reward and a sense of value in separation from me as Self Value and Self Worth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to collect reward cards to get a sense of being more for being rewarded and for feeling less when I am not rewarded

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not do something unless what I do is being rewarded in my mind in some ways

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek being rewarded as a way of life to prove my  worth from which I have separated myself as Self Worth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need to be rewarded as a way to prove to myself that I am more than others for fear of being less than others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek competition in the smallest things to prove my  worth in separation from self as Self worth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in competition as a way to assess my worth and reassure myself about my self worth, from which I have separated myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compete with myself to outdo myself because I no longer want to compete with others but I have not kicked the habit yet

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am worthless unless I get a reward to prove I am not

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am worthless and for living One and Equal to the shame of my believed worthlessness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to divide people at Desteni into a reward system based on time and length of process so I can feel more rewarded by measuring the lenght of time they have been in process and their time achieved value when they approve of me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel rewarded by likes and dislikes on my posts as a way to give myself worth and value I have separated myself from as Self Worth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always calculate 'what's in it for me' because I believe there are no Free lunches in this world and within this belief I have accepted and allowed to manifest a world in which nobody does anything for nothing  and in which we have enslaved each other onto a wheel of rewards and punishment into infinity

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reward myself with food and money because this was my first reward system to prove my worth and purpose, while I see that both food and money are just practical tools for survival and I no longer want to invest them of any other value

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from food to the point that I can no longer taste the food as my body tried to prevent my self abuse through food, based on my taste preferences and not based on what food is supportive

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my body with food in search for some rewards because Life was not good enough because I was never Here in Breath experiencing me as Life in the physical

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not support my body with proper nutrition because I was too busy playing the reward game

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see sweet food as a reward for a bitter life which was my own creation for which I did not want to take responsibility

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support a system of reward inside and outside of myself that manifested in this cut throat world where everyone is out there looking for their self worth into the Money System, trying to establish a Monetary value to define themselves by, while we lost our connection to Self and Our Self value within the physical expression of being Here in and as Breath and by participating in and as the Mind Consciousness System of delusions where everything we do is to reward ourselves or be rewarded

When and as I see myself looking to be rewarded or wishing to be rewarded, I stop, breathe, remind myself that Rewards are needs of the mind and as I no longer wish to participate in and as the Mind, I can let rewards go, to bring myself back Here in and Self Expression, correcting myself whenever this need desires arises by breathing myself back Here and out of the Mind

When and as I see myself thinking or about to think to ask myself or others 'what's in it for me ?', I stop, breathe, remind myself that I do not need to motivate myself with rewards, I can Self Direct myself into what needs to be done for what is Best for All without re-warding myself into the narrowness of my self interested mind

When and as I see myself about to abuse myself with food, I stop, breathe, understand that this is a long term pattern and it may take me a while to break it, so I won't beat myself on the head as in everything I do where I do not immediately succeed as I judge myself for not having been successful to change in one moment, I take all the moments of breath I  need to step by step undo this deep seated family pattern until I am One with my body in and as Self support

I commit myself to investigate all of my participation in this reward system to eradicate the ideas, beliefs and constructs of the re-warding system of and as myself that I accepted and allowed myself to live One and Equal to believing I needed to be rewarded for living a Life I do not enjoy, instead I learn to breathe more consistently and effectively so I can learn to enjoy Life as the physical expression of myself, with NO REWARDS as Life itself is the Reward I have always dismissed in my search and participation in and as energetic experiences of and as the Mind.

I commit myself to stop this existence of rewarding, in and outside of myself, One and Equal, so we may return to giving as we would like to receive, and doing what is Best for All as this was the original plan and reason for being Here and to learn how to live and express Here in Breath in Oneness and Equality in and as the Physical, making the Giving the Directive Principle of and as Life, the Life we wished to live, and so, as Life, we grant it to each other One and Equal

Day 4: The need for a Decent Identity

Today and in the past few days I have looked at the point of why I would pick the title 'Director' for myself, the first most obvious reply is that it is work related, this is who I am job wise, and when a few days ago I went for a job interview I gave them my last printed business card, it says so there, I am a Managing Director of a company in Hong Kong. This is who I am.

Of this company up to now I have only paid the administration costs to the Company secretary and that is about it, I have not invoiced or done any business using this company yet. In my last job I was Operations Director, but that was 4 years ago, so as of today it would have been more fitting to write a  jobless journey to Life, but it did not even occur to me  to see myself as jobless, even though I am job-less so this is in fact what I am way more than a Director of a company that has not invoiced anything or the Director that I was 4 years ago, which is not Here and now.

So this point highlights not just mine or our need for an identity, but the need for a decent one, one we don't have to be ashamed of, because being jobless at my age, no matter how and why I came to place myself in this position, is pretty shame-ful, because it means I am no longer System placed within a position of power that may mean even only being able to make a decent living, without having to worry about the future.

I use to think I am not the worrying type, which is easy when you turn good money because worries mainly come from not having access to the Money system and not being able to support oneself into a decent life because the right to live has to be bought today, no one has a right to live unless they have Money to buy themselves the right to live, yet we stubbornly refuse to look at the Money point and why having a decent identity is relevant, as it is with our identity that we move in and as the system and find placements to secure a living for ourselves, get this, to secure a living, and this can only happen through Money, if you don't have Money your living is not secured, it's not assured, it's up for grabs, if you are starving you will have to sell yourself out because you have nothing of value to give, you have no identity to sell out in exchange for some money that will guarantee that you can eat, have a roof over your head and be able to care for yourselves and your family, I am lucky I don't have a family to support because I would not have been able to live the life I led for the simple reasons that I would have been forced to worry about money consistently, continuously, asking myself what choices I had for me to live and self express apart from the non choice of having to work to support my self and make a living for myself and my family.

So Identities are our pass into the Money System, the more valuable identities we have been able to build through education or through experience, the higher our value is on the Money market, this is why I am reticent to let go of my title and my identity, and this is how the system makes sure we keep ourselves separated from each other into make belief identities that we fuel through our fears of not making it and not being able to pay for our Life.

Is it acceptable that Lives have gone on sale ? Personally I think it's not acceptable, but I am new to this perspective, because when the system worked for me and I worked for the system, I looked for ways to justify why Inequality made sense and why I deserved what I had, I stopped there, because even at the height of my delusions I aways felt a sense of disgust for myself when I tried to explain in my mind why others did not deserve a decent life, I tried the Karma story and  the 'we want to try it all out, it's just an illusion' story, but still, every time one of my friend said out loud 'we deserve it' about something good we had, I felt sick with myself, because when I agreed what I meant was, we deserve it..and others don't ?

Do others deserve to be sick and not be able to care for themselves or their children, do others deserve to die of starvation, do others deserve to be raped or sent to war, to have their kids vaccinated in third world countries in a big plan to reduce the population so we can have even MORE than what we have now because the starving take up useful land on which we could build and make a killing in the process ?

Make a killing in the process ?

Do we deserve an identity that highlights we have more rights than another, is our identity a point of Ego, through which we build a fortress against those we should be sharing this planet with ? I dent thy, through my right to be more than you, have a luckier life than yours, have what you can't even dream about because in your denting of 'I', I participated in taking everything from you and left you without the possibility of a Life, in this world that we have built for the survival of the fittest and I dent thy, who have no identity, who are part of a multitude of nameless people in the pictures of the starving that I see as having no relations to me, while I participate in the game of wanting to be more, fearing to be less, leaving some to be nothing at all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my identity that is related to my ability to make money and support myself efficiently within the system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my identity as a point of making myself more than others while I fear being less than others in relation to my ability to make money in and as the system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not care that others may suffer when I can make everything work for me and support myself effectively not caring if others cannot

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be more than others for fear of being less and having to live through the short end of the stick of this system of abuse of which I am a creator

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having to endure the short end of the stick of a system of abuse that I keep in place through my fear of letting go of the long end of the stick

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not care for others that don't have access to the Money system as long as I had

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect who I am to an identity in fear that if I were identity-less I could not survive

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear surviving without a decent identity and for being jealous of other identities who have better access to the money system than me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be praised for my identity as a proof that I exist and have a pass to access the money system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek my value into and as an identity because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that without an identity, meaning a pass into the Money system , I am worthless

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to link my worth to the money system and within this supporting a construct that makes me and all others One and Equal, worthless unless we have Money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in and as fear of not having access to the Money system,because within this I validate the money system as the Life giver replacing Life as the Life giver

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard Life as a Value and Worth we all share in favour of Money because I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will die without Money and so Money is more important than Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the death of me as an identity of separation and self interest because I have not yet walked the correction of returning value to Life from the Money system on which I placed it in fear of survival

When and as I see myself attaching value or about to attach value to my identity above Life, I stop, breathe, remind myself that I am walking to nothingness and this includes leaving behind all delusions of who I have been of any importance as I have realized there is nothing that has importance but Life One and Equal for everybody

When and as I see myself fearing using a working title because I have attached a judgement of myself as a personality of superiority in fear of my inferiority, I stop, breathe , remind myself that it is never about the title we use to work in and as the system but the misplacement of value from Life onto anything outside and separate from me as All as Life that I no longer support and that I can do what I need to do to become efficient in and as the system without attaching any value to what I do while I keep walking my process of self correction

I commit to consider Life and what is best for All above my personal interests of the mind, regardless the resistance that I will have to face in letting go of who I have been within my personalities plays of self interest while I worried and considered only myself and not Self as Life as One and Equal, and to walk this correction for myself and All existence One and Equal until All will be able to live a dignified Life in and as Oneness and Equality

I commit myself to stop my participation in mind tantrums relative to the resistances I have to face as I see and understand that this change will not be an easy fix but a process I will have to walk consistently and this can happen only if I commit to walk despite anything my mind offers as an excuse and reason not to because I see the point that my walking affects others in ways I am not yet able to see and comprehend fully and I won't allow myself to be the point that fails taking with me someone else just because I did not apply myself consistently enough as self directive principle in walking myself out of the mind of polarity and separation, back into neness and Equality for All

Desteni

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