Day 324: Desteni Witness - The 'Scam' and Secret of Self Forgiveness

I have been involved with Desteni for over 2 years and I have had the privilege to visit their farm in South Africa, where I am currently staying and will be for some more time.

When I bumped into Desteni I had reached the end of my search for the Truth, had looked into everything that exists -and was aware of- searching for the reason for our existence, had practiced positive thinking and joined the Love and Light brigade, just to find there was not any less Evil within those claiming to be enlightened, or on their way there, than anywhere else and so quite disheartened, just before Desteni, I moved into Conspiracy Theories, honestly they seemed way more plausible than Love and Light given the state of the world, plus they matched my underlining eternal dance with depression, a state of being I believed I had to have inherited from my mother because this is what each one is given in coming to this world, a legacy of faults to make sure we end up believing that there is something fundamentally wrong with us at our very core, so we roll over and just wait to die without bothering to even try to change ourselves or the system as ourselves.

For 2 years I have practiced the tools of Desteni and become more stable, my life as an Italian was by design emotion and feelings driven, because we believe in Passion as the ultimate possible' intensity' that life can grant us and therefore we deliberately overlook the word 'Passion' as in 'The Passion of Christ', as in fact Life turns into an emotional roller-coaster  where we nail ourselves to, until an -nail-elation or annihilation and where we believe we have no choice but to fasten the seat-belt -or not, the rest is out of our hands - in fact conveniently so.

As a Ex Catholic, not by choice but by birth, it was predictable that my understanding of Self Forgiveness would be tainted by the context of my previous understanding of the world Forgiveness, which was deliberate because no one should know about this Secret or they would just go ahead and rewrite themselves and so -while I wrote about rewriting myself I never really got what that meant or even why the Self Commitment statements were key as a follow up to self forgiveness, because of course I can only interpret what I can conceive through my limited mind and the information available there, through which I can come to CON-clusions about what everything is and is not, so Self Forgiveness became my Eraser, a tool that I could use to delete my perceived wrongdoings and I have successfully used it that way to the point of being able to disassociate from some of my beliefs and energetics reactions, what I missed out about Self Forgiveness and why I had so much resistance to explain it to others, was that I was unwilling to share a tool that I had limited within its purpose, even though at the time I was unable to define its scope in its totality because I was unable to see that the reason why Self Forgiveness worked for me as an Energetic Eraser was because I defined it so and in fact confined it and limited it to be just that.

Today as I was listening to B. taking about it I suddenly realized what Self Forgiveness really is and why the constraints into which I had defined it had me at the point of irritation occasionally, when I would just refuse to use it or share it because I couldn't see myself blubbering away self forgiveness every time I perceive myself making a miss-take because then I would be doing nothing else, I wouldn't even have the time to live my corrective statements as I was aware that I had not yet changed what was fundamentally flawed within me, I have just started to create a void, a blank slate on which to rewrite myself and that's about it.

So, now I will share the Real Secret of Existence and what Self Forgiveness really is and WHY we can't change this world without grasping what we are required to do, each one of us to move forward for REAL and not just be passing time within the illusion that we are moving AND changing just because we babble away our self forgiveness regularly -while others don't... .I'm so ahead of the game :) - and so we are done.

Meanwhile we keep repeating the same crap and justifying WHY using our Words, that we believe are not yet alive because again, we mistook the point of words becoming alive only after WE become Life, when in fact Words are alive now, they are just either embedded with Life or Fear but all have the same power to create, because Words belong to the physical that is Alive, while we belong to the Mind that is A-Lie, missing out on that point that we are already creating and recreating our reality as every justification we use to explain why we are not changing is another lie/line in the code we keep writing about ourselves - in our total dumb unawareness that could only be born out of our consistent separation from ourselves as our Words, as the Physical, unable to direct the content of what we say and therefore are to the point that what we say 'is in fact so' because I live my words as a Commitment to myself as my Words, as the Physical, as All Life, as One and Equal.

So, speaking the words of Self For-giveness is the Gift of Life, imagine that, we hold in each one of us the power to create Life, we are not Life yet just because we have not yet granted it to ourselves, we have not yet given to ourselves everything we accepted and allowed ourselves to believe we lack, this is where Dis-h-One-sty exists, the One missing in this world is Me, because I  don't yet exist, because I have not yet created Myself, I have not yet substantiated myself by removing what I have invested outside of me into everything that seems separate from me to bring it back to me, the Physical, where the substance of Life is and where I still exist in separation because I have not given to myself the same right to exist as Life, because I am apparently Faulty and in need to be fixed and so I am busy with the fixing but not with the giving, I am For-Fixing and not For-Giving as I have believed in the Scam of the Mind instead of just stopping it to stand in and as The Physical as Life.

So you see, there are 2 ways to use Self Forgiveness, one is entertaining the Mind, and that is a Scam and a process that couldn't end in one lifetime (is this why we keep coming back, duh?), the Real Process is just to STOP participating, as par-'icipating means to be apart, to keep being separate, as everything we allow from the Mind and believe it's just another thing to be For-given and this is how we make our process longer, so we either live the Scam of Self Forgiveness and keep forgiving our sins, as we go and replace the Confession Sacrament and the Catholic Priest in our Minds, or we really get what this is all about, including the word SIN (The Greek word hamartia (ἁμαρτία) is usually translated as sin in the New Testament. In Classical Greek, it means "to miss the mark" or "to miss the target" which was also used in Old English archery) which would give a whole new contest to everything we understood so far, so what, we inherited the 'missed marks' of our parents, everyone kept missing the point, should we now GET THE FUCKING POINT right or keep following the yellow brick road of the Mind into other new, more elaborate 'mark missing' sessions vs just STOPPING The Illusion of the Mind in its tracks, no longer allowing ourselves to believe in the Characters we played, instead Breathe and start the Gifting, start getting the Mark!

If we don't do that, we are participating in the Illusion not only of the Mind but the delusion that we may bring about a world that is Best for All through forgiving our sins (hello??), if each one individually is not able to do what is best for All, which would be to bring LIFE into ME, as ME/Self as part of the Equation of Life vs the Equation of  the Mind, to do that, each one has to stop their delusions and Self realize that Life cannot be given to anyone and it is not the Prize/Price at the end of our Atonement, it is instead an act of Self Giving, of Self For-Give-ness and in granting Life to ourselves we open up the Gates of Life to All, as One as Equal, we won't be able to Grant to them their Life because guess what, it is to be For-Given to Themselves by Themselves, each one that claims to be the Creator of this reality is living in the Illusion of the Mind, as they are just default Creators, energy providers for a much bigger engine in automated motion and not Deliberate Creators, and how do we know that?

Well, they could not Create themselves, they could not For-Give themselves or others the Gift of Life, how can they claim to be Creators of Anything, as the Ability to Create Life is measured in the Capacity to Create Oneself first as Life, as a Creature that can coexist in Harmony with all existence having given to All the same Equal Value as Self and thus having created themselves as unable to do harm in any form, because Life is not Harm-Full and can be trusted to always do What is Best for All, because Life is not subjective, subjected to the whims of the Mind but One and Equal to everything that exists in and as Breath.

Now, see the Beauty of this, we all exist with the same power to create Life, Equal to Life itself, Life only asks one thing, can you give Life to yourself, no matter what, without conditions -and then, can you give Life to All, no matter what, without conditions, because you are Here, you Breathe, you were given it -no matter what, you just have to Self realize You as Life by For-Giving Life to YourSelf now and as you do, extend this Giving to All, Equally.

So far this Creation is our responsibility just by what we accepted and allowed, but not by our directive principle, this existence was created in agreement to the blueprints of others that by the way, were not Life either because Life could never have conceived such a creation of Control and Abuse, because Life is For-Giving and not For-Getting -ever- that All Life is One and Equal and as I grant myself the Right to Life I Grant it to All, One and Equal, and only then Existence will be LIFE For-Giving to All and no longer For-Getting just for Some.

So, to all those that have walked the tool of Self Forgiveness and Self Honesty so far robotically, just like me, perceiving the value of the tool while not grasping The Gift, mistaking Self (H)Onesty with Honesty, spilling the beans on their sins and only milking the benefits of no longer being trumpled by emotions and feelings, reassess your Self For-Giveness, take the plunge into this Equal Standing to become a Creator and when you do, understand what it means to Give As You Would Like To Receive and see that such principle must start with you, give YourSelf what you would like to receive first, use your words as living words now, so that you can become One with them and no longer wait for them to 'come Alive' while you live the Lie that they are NOT -just because You are Not Alive Yet, and when you go about Creating Yourself, just make sure that you Create Yourself as Life and not as Fear, because Life is Fear-Less as For-Giving to All and giving to All what we would want to live is the place where Fear will end to exist forever more, and keep checking what you stand as, and when you are Life you will know because you will no longer be for-getting your role in and as an Equal Creator of Existence as you will be too busy For-Giving Life to YourSelf until you will be Life that stands Equal and One to the Life that is yet to come for All of Existence, Equal and One.

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Day 150: Heaven Can't Wait

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a resistance to the truth of Our Creation because I don't want to hear or read something that doesn't make me feel good about myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to feel good/positive about myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a resistance within me regarding the word 'robot' because I have judged robot to be less than humans

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I am less than a robot because I have not been able to program myself for what is best for all but just for what is best for me within self interest in fear and separation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to the word 'robot' applied to humans because robots are not alive and I want to hold on to the illusion that I am alive and not ali(v)e

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, whenever I sit down to read Heaven's Journey to Life, to desire to fiddle, get up and do something else, without wanting to notice the discomfort I feel every time I push myself to read, hoping that the discomfort would go away by itself and not having to face that I in fact hate facing the reality of what we have become which in my Mind is diminished to a machine like existence and not even a good one at that

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to approach Heaven's Blogs as everything else I do, hoping that the discomfort will go away, denying that I feel discomfort and ultimately Suppressing the discomfort, because I don't see a common sense reason for my discomfort as I judge it as 'not logical' and I don't want to put in the time to look what is it that I have created that now has me kicking and screaming through the process of reading, but instead push for the kicking and screaming in the face of my discomfort just so as to not address how I experience myself in diminishment and shame

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed when I read Heaven's blogs regarding the utter cruelty of this creation and for feeling angry that no one else shows the same resistance but gratitude, which seems to me as the Mind so fucking misplaced  because being led out of this mess is the very fucking least that the Creator should do for us, given that we have not come with an instruction manual or any sort of awareness of what it was that we were creating and how

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry at this Creation and the Creators and for not caring that it was the Atlanteans or the Reptilians or the Blueberry Muffins that got us where we are, and that I find disgusting that there was no awareness to start with regarding where this path was going to lead us in such a world and I want to blame them for where we are and hold on to my righteousness of 'you got us here now you get us out of here'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to blame the creators of this existence and for wishing that they were forced into it to experience what is it like to be stuck into a Mind Consciousness System and if they would be so cool and dandy then about being willing to swap places from where they have an overview of everything and how everything works, to the encaging of ourselves into thoughts, feelings and emotions that we are just starting to grasp that we can decide if we want to participate with or not

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that 'they have it sweet' from up there in the clouds giving interviews on the hows and whys and for wanting them to pay for what they did, because we are not toys that could be created, wound up and set about a world just to produce energy for Heaven and there should not be any gratitude for this process because it is owed to us as part of each one taking responsibility for the fuck ups and getting us out of here and out of the delusion of separation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire that those that do something that I judge as 'wrong' should 'pay' for it, which is what plays out at the moment into our imaginary Justice System, where through opinions that we call Laws some get to pay for their imaginary wrongdoings and we all get to feel safer and happier about it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to kick Anu through the Heavens until I won't feel this rage anymore but that we have proficiently squared the books

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to use logic to overcome my feelings and thoughts about this Creation, without seeing and realizing that my logic is not common sensical at the moment but a product of my mind, in which I will always desire to find the wrongs and right them, because as a Mind I live in and as polarity, and that until I live within the box of my own mind regarding this Creation point I won't be able to see the solution as me but only me as the problem and someone else as the solution to me as the problem

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hope that if I kept pushing all this would go away and I would not have to face this existential rage for this creation and the disgust for what it turned out to be, instead of facing my rage and take responsibility for it so I can clear it and move on through self forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be disgusted at this/my creation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to blame another for this creation and within this I forgive myself that, through this simple act of blaming, I give my power away for myself as this Creation as I state that I am not response-able for it because it's someone else's mess and They should be the ones doing the cleaning up and not me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my power to the desire to not be responsible just because I no longer remember how I got here, and yet when I can walk myself through the 'how I got here' I don't want to, I resist it, because when I do walk the hows and I am then faced with the Truth of me and my responsibility for this creation I will no longer be able to blame it on another and I will have to stand absolute as a point that needs to realign to Oneness and Equality and what is Best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that just because I don't remember how I got here, this is enough to not make me responsible as I associate responsibility with knowledge and then with blame and then guilt and shame, instead of seeing self response -ability for what it is, not an emotion but a standing as a piece of this puzzle that decided to realign to oneness and equality and what is best for all

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself because I did not have the same 'yeah, Heaven's Blogs' of the rest of the group as I compared my participation to the participation of others and judged myself as less and bad, because of my resistances and stubborn unwillingness to look at them, instead of just facing the point and realigning myself to the benefits that this information is giving us to clear the fog and support our process of equalization to existence as One

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make up ideas about what I can expose as something that I as the Mind criticize and what I cannot criticize within the group because I fear that some things are not up for being questioned and so my feelings and thoughts are not valid and have to be suppressed, instead of seeing and realizing my thoughts and feelings are showing me who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and there cannot be anything that is off limits as I walk my path to realignment or, like in this case, I postpone taking on a topic because of my own judgements about it, and then I have to drag myself through a task that I have seen as important just because I was unwilling to clear myself through self forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that I am unable to grasp Heaven's blog because my mind wanders many times through it, instead of seeing and realizing, my mind wandered because I allowed myself to pile up thoughts and emotions that distracted me that I did not clear up and that stood between me and the understanding of what was written in very clear terms for everyone to grasp, including myself

I commit myself to stop my existence as existential rage for this Creation as I see, realize and understand Rage comes up when I believe I am not in charge and therefore I "charge", instead I see realize and understand I am in charge of how I experience myself and the world around me and this includes Heaven's blogs

I commit myself to breathe through Heaven's blogs and be consistent in my readings so as to not pile up material that I then want to rush through to catch up and be up to date

I commit myself to, if and  as I see my mind start to wander, offering thoughts as diversion, to stop and breathe, keep reading without accepting the diversion so that I can read it once effectively and not 10 times to manage to align myself to the content which I could have gotten the first time without distractions

I commit myself to stop my fear of knowing the truth about me/Us and this Creation, because when I fear I am not Here and when I am not Here I cannot Hear what I read effectively.

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Day 149: I Don't Want To Go to Heaven

As we write our Journey to Life Blogs, Creation, Earth and Heaven are writing their as well.

How do I experience myself within reading those Blogs?

When I read Earth's Journey to Life blogs, I just see common sense, sometimes I react, mainly when I want to say things like 'come on, this is not important, with the kind of mess we are in, this is menial' but I can work those feelings and emotion out and go back to the Blog consistently as I have seen how supportive it has been to open up Characters for myself.

When I read Creation's Journey to Life, I have ups and downs, basically like when I read Earth's but more accentuated, and I experience myself as on a continuous ride as what I believed I had grasped the day before I have to question again today in relation to another point, so I would say destabilizing but again, like when I get a painful massage, that kind of sour pain that I know 'it's good for me'

Then comes Heaven, I definitely don't want to go to Heaven!

So I decided to look at why when I sit down to read Heaven's Blogs I have so much resistance coming up, even though I find them very interesting, the ones I can understand and where I don't lose myself in word loops, I have tried talking to myself about it and reminding myself how much I enjoy them once I start reading, and yet, when I sit down, I fiddle, then I want to read the news first, then have a glass of water and spend 1 hour in the kitchen and some evenings I do so much that I manage to successfully forget to read them just to pile them up, with the anxiety that goes with 'being behind' to then have a marathon to bring myself up to date.

So what is it that I resist about Heaven's Blogs?

One point that I have seen clearly with Eqafe Material as well is that I resist anything that spells out that I am a robot and tries to explain the in depth mechanics of how we function.

I find this news to be the hardest I had to swallow since joining Desteni, not because I have in any way a doubt that I am not, just because there is a part of this Creation story that I find horrifying, terrible, scary and if possible I don't want to know about it, I don't want the gory details of how machine-like we have become because I secretly treasure all my other beliefs about how 'special we are' and that we were created by a loving and benevolent God and the gap between my previous knowledge and this information is so wide that when I attempt to close it I fear to fall into the crack to just never come back.

I have done the traditional cracking at the beginning, the shock and the trauma and then I began to be scared of being traumatised again, not knowing how much more trauma can I take in one life about myself and who I am as looking at myself as a machine is Not Cool and doesn't make me feel good about myself, in fact it makes me feel like shit, even though I came to this path by logic in a way, having seen humanity on an automated path and patterns of self destruction, automated like in automaton such as robotic, without tools for Self correction that I only found trough Desteni.

So basically, I don't want to go to Heaven, because Hell as where I am and what I know seems better, seems safer, and because every time I read one of these blogs the first thoughts that come up is the utter cruelty of this creation and the utter disrespect for Humanity as I see the suffering that yes, may be self inflicted, but we did not come here with an instruction manual and so what I don't want to face in Heaven's blog is the anger that I feel, the desire to kick down walls and shake the Creators while I shout 'how the fuck comes you could not see where all this was leading, you omnipotent, omniscient God of my Ass?' and guess what? Back to square one and the Righteousness of the Atlanteans, still holding the fucking grudge for having ended up here at the bottle neck of creation, the ''I' of the Needle to just have to walk back the whole Creation up to point Zero and face the truth, Creator, Creation and Created as One and Equal.

Tomorrow I Will walk my self forgiveness for the existential rage and the desire to not face the point that we are walking the consequences of what we set in motion while we were not self responsible Creators from the starting point of Oneness and Equality as What is Best for All.

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Day 84: God is My Daddy

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there was some Higher Being who had a plan that we could not understand, giving up my right and ability to see and realize how did we end up here from the start and creating unnecessary resistances to seeing what is really going on, since I accepted the thought and belief that some things cannot be understood and lived it out as Me as a Character that 'did not know or understand what is going on in existence'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire the existence of a Higher Being so I would not have to take responsibility for this creation as My Creation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that if we are God’s Children that this is who we are, Children and we leave this world in the hands of Children to manage without any sense of what self responsibility means as we believe Children are not self responsible, it comes with 'age'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in the past fear discarding God as my Daddy because if and when I did I would have to stand up and become a Self responsible Human being who cared for myself and the whole Equally, while it was better to leave it all up to God

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that it was better to leave everything in the Hands of God, when I could see clearly that either God had washed his hands from Creation, Like Pontio Pilate or he was dead, given the state of the world, yet the belief in God was more reassuring that seeing/realizing and understanding that I was the God of this Creation together with the rest of Humanity and that we would have to stand and become the Change we wanted to see in the World

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that God could see our hearts and our best intentions at all times, which meant that it did not matter what I thought and how I experienced myself and how I participated in the world as long as I could state I had good intentions and a good heart and I was safe

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that the Last Rite as an act of Mercy from God and a cheat at the same time, but kept it in Mind as one never knows on my death Bed I may call upon that Rite of the Last Right to be forgiven for my existence on Earth and everything I have done and participated with

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Fear the Wrath of God, because from the Bible stories he did not seem a very understanding Creator or a forgiving one given what he set in motion because of an Apple and Eve, and for not wanting to give up this fear because if I feared God I was sure He Existed as My Fear was The Proof of the existence of God and then He was The One responsible for This Creation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be forgiven, accepting and allowing myself to believe that someone else should for-give me and then I made up the need to create someone else that could forgive me and had to create someone who was more powerful than me because I apparently was not 'good enough' to forgive myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire mercy the Mercy that I was not willing to give to myself through self forgiveness because I was not good enough, so I created a God that was better than me and mor Merciful to take on the task to give Mercy to me for what I have done in and as separation from myself and All that exists, Equal and One

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that since I was a sinner and I could not change I better have a God to keep me in line so God could tell me what was good and what was bad, because I was apparently unable to determine by myself that abusing myself and others was unacceptable, unless God told me, a God that was better than me and more powerful and All Seeing, while I used the justification of my faultiness and sinner-like nature to justify my existence of abuse, that could be later down the line be forgiven by the Good God I myself created 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I was not good enough to forgive myself and to give myself the same mercy that I wished for myself and others, but I would not give it to myself and others through forgiveness, which I now give unconditionally to myself and others, absolutely, as the absolution for our past that is Past and no longer what can define us Here, so we may stand as The Change that can come from our absolute Self Forgiveness and script a New World for ourselves and existence Equal and One

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept God as my Sugar Daddy to which I could turn when things were by my own definition bitter, meaning not satisfying to one of the Characters that I was embodying, or beyond my comprehension, instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that I was the one who put myself in a position of not being able to see and realize what was going on by accepting that ‘God must have a plan that we may not be able to understand sometimes’ because it was better than seeing that if there was ever a plan to this creation it was Evil in nature and I did not want to face the Evil of a Creation of Polarity in which some get it all and some go with nothing, as the Evil of me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and believe that ‘this is a Valley Of Tears and that we are born to Suffer but great rewards are waiting for us After Death’ and not question the Nature of God as Creator, desiring his children to be born to suffer for a greater reward, setting up for myself through my Creation the reward system we live by that we call Consumerism without seeing realizing or understanding that I treasured this belief because at least the suffering and the tears had an existential context I myself created for a Reward that we would get in the AfterLife and that was a good enough distraction for me from this existence and what was going on

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to switch Character from a believer in God, when I could no longer uphold such comic beliefs to a believer in the Universe, failing to see I had just upgraded God and my Character to a more palatable and acceptable Creation/Creator, trying to remove from my head the image of a man Look alike figure sitting on the clouds somewhere watching while Humanity went to pieces

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist the trashing of my memories of the beliefs in a Benevolent Universe, because a lot of me was invested into the Spiritual World where all was Good and lovy dovy and Rosy, failing to see that unless I uproot from within me all the images and memories of a ‘better time’ in which I felt the comfort of being cared for by a Higher being I won’t become an effective Self Responsible Human Being by my own choice

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to see the extensive dis-empowerment taught by the Law of Attraction and Abraham Hicks, in which the main belief is that I can ‘attract’ to me something that someone else as the Universe has set up to create on my behalf, through the desires of my Characters which are NOT Real and how even Law of Attraction was just a way to move and upgrade God/Creator/Universe to something that offered a better reward system, like changing my phone service provider, and failing to see that it was me all the time deciding and voting for these Characters to exist so I could join Their delusional boat, make it Mine and make Our Joint Creations more Real so I would not have to face myself as the Creator and All There Is

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the Aloneness of Existence without a Creator which I made up so I would not have to feel so lonely at times, failing to see that Aloneness was my creation too, in which I felt the separation from Me as All There Is into Energy and Substance and relationships that I powered with the energy from me as the substance from which I had separated to the extent that I was unaware of how I was in fact Creating everything that exists while I feared the Aloneness of Me in separation from the ALL-Oneness of Me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to believe in someone/something that cared effectively for me because I was not taking proper care of myself and I wished to delegate the caring of myself and everything that I created as Creator to God/Daddy/Creator so I could go on playing and having fun while the world around me rot to pieces leaving the responsibility to Daddy as I was just a Child of God

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed when I realized that I created God to make him responsible for my ow Creation, failing to see that by giving up my Self Responsibility for Creation I became less than my own ideas and beliefs of a God that I myself created to be More than me, which is quite ridiculous yet as a Creator I have the power to Create whatever I want, even my Own Master to make Myself The Slave

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to see that unless I made a decision about Who I Am as the Creator or the Slave of Existence, I could not even move forward because Earth has been our Self responsibility training ground, in which we either become Self Responsible Creators, own up to what we did and start cleaning up the mess, or we won’t be allowed in this playground anymore because we clearly pose a risk to ourselves and others when, as our Creation, we desire to be the Slave with Masters and then create a world of Slaves and Masters, just because we don’t want to stand up and take Self Responsibility as Creators and clean up the mess to then realign to Oneness and equality and who we really are as Life and ReCreate together as One from our New starting Point What is Best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to see that whatever thought I entertain about Creation and Creator as something that has nothing to do with me, which can be any God or the Universe or an external power in separation from me, that I make up to be more than me, I in fact, by my own decision and Creation, remove myself from the decision table of Creators that Matter as to saying how this world must be organized and shared, and that no one has taken away my power but that I have willingly given it up together with my Self Responsibility so I wouldn’t have to face the Shame for what I did in and separation from Self to myself and existence Equal and One

Tomorrow will follow up with Self Commitment Statements

Day 56: Self Blame vs Self Responsibility

So this interesting point that I fear Self responsibility came up trough investigating why I had resistances to the Atlanteans' series , The Money series and Heaven's Blogs and the thread was common, it was the Fear of Self Blame, I feared that if I learned about our origins and how we came about I would Blame myself to such an extent that I would end up crushed and unable to recover.

But what is there to crush if I have not existed yet, just my ideas and beliefs about myself and humanity as a whole, the ideas that there was a Higher Purpose to being Here, that we were on our way to Higher Frequencies, Higher Dimensions, we were on the verge to shifting it all around, just through our wishful thinking, visualizing, being positive, focus on the good, all the while missing out the Polarity point, that whatever I embed in my body and then create it will have to be balanced out, somewhere out there, remotely away from me as I got the prizes of my positive 'Alignments' and someone got the shit of My own Polarity Play to play out, is this how we are creating Famine and Poverty ? By keeping pulling on the Polarity blanket in the 'Me Me Me' game, not considering that 'something is got to give' and since we have NOT been the ones for-giving someone somewhere is just not getting even enough to Live. 

We have manifested the consequences of our Greed into the Physical World so we will be forced to face what it is that really happens when we create from the starting point of separation and self interest and not from the starting point of What is Best for All, as One Organism, One Life, connected in all ways at levels we have not yet seen or understood on our Energy Merry Go Rounds.

Yet the point is that I con-fuse Blame and Self responsibility, because no matter how many times people have used the word responsibility in my Life toward me or something I did as a kid, or when I then started to use it 'against' others, what I really meant was Blame/ Fault, Responsibility was the nice cover up, the socially accepted way to say and see whose Fault was it ? Whose to Blame ?

Within the Blame game we learn fast that who is Faulty and Blameful, is losing, we don't get what is it exactly that we are losing and so we seek for answers to why, once we believe we are invested by Blame, we feel diminished, we don't see early in Life that it is an Energy Game we are all participating in and as, it is The game of Superiority and Inferiority that we engage i and as, and we have agreed that the ones who get to be Blamed are worth Less than the ones who are Blame Free.

So soon in Life we walk into the Blame Game trying to learn the skills to Blame another, so we can walk away feeling less damaged, less violated, missing the point that there is only One of us Here, and whatever we do within and as Energy, someone will be diminished and violated and that is Self.

I had support from One of the Money Interviews on this point, funny because this were the interviews I resisted the most, still struggling to accept what we have reduced ourselves to as Humanity I was 'put off' by the first interview, I felt diminished and wanted to Blame it on The Interviews, instead of seeing that is the point of Blame and Self Judgement that I roll myself in that diminishes me, because I have yet not cleared to myself and defined what is the difference between Blame/Self Blame and Self Responsibility.

I found this nice picture and it helped me to see things for what they are, we The People, All Together, have flooded the world with Energy Games, diminishing each other in fear of not being worthy, stealing our 'perceived' value from each other in separation from each other as existence as a whole, covering up our suffering while We Lied Our Way Through Life and within this we built a mockery of a World, where Life as Us All, suffers and is neglected, yet there is No Blame, as Blame is just another Energy Game, there is only the Call of Life to Self Responsibility to Stand Up and Stop all insanities, accepting that we are all Equally responsible, as the drops of a flood, for Having Manifested this world as the Outflow and Consequence of our Abdication of Responsibility to Energy vs Life, hoping to be More, while failing to see we were All of It already, All There Is, and it was only our Belief that we were Not Enough that led to the Manifested Consequences we are now walking.

We are not the Creators of this World, not yet, for now we are just the Abdicators, having abdicated our Right to Life for the Madness of Energy while we diminished ourselves into Nothingness and Uselessness, separating ourselves from this existence and everything in it, and from this hole we have to come back, to equalize ourselves with what was created while we were missing in action, getting back to our point of Power and from there sit at the steering wheel of this world, together, to make a drastic U turn, a return to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All, and stop this senseless existence to birth ourselves as Life into the Physical, leaving behind forever our Desires and Delusions that we could be more than another, in the Mirror World of Self.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being Blamed and being found/judged as Faulty, perceiving myself diminishing when someone said 'you are wrong, it's your fault, face your responsibility as in Blame'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when someone blamed me it was them making me feel diminished instead of seeing and realizing that it was me blaming myself that made me feel diminished through my participation in the energy game of inferiority and superiority where the blame-less are more valuable than the blame-full

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the world responsibility having associated the word responsibility to Blame and the diminishment of myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear becoming self responsible in fear that I am the one to blame/faulty and thus diminishing myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others so I would not have to feel diminished in the game that I myself alone played within and as The Mind, in the allocation of Blame as a tool to take energy/value from another

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that 'there is always someone to blame and it's always someone's fault/responsibility' because by holding on to this belief I have accepted and allowed myself to seek for the faults in another so I could blame them and not face my own self blame

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself throughout my life when I did not meet a standard that was set by others first and then by myself about what I should have said, who I should have been and what I should have done, instead of living Here in Breath as self honesty and self responsibility, correcting myself if I made a miss-take instead of looking for someone else to Blame

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear self responsibility after a miss-take because that meant that I should stand as self correction while I had embraced the blaming game as a way to avoid facing self responsibility and having to change myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the responsibility of this creation, instead of seeing and realizing that it's only within taking responsibility as in response-ability that I can equalize myself to what has been, until I can walk Here aware of every movement of myself and it's outflows and consequences on Creation that must always be for Life as What is Best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel irritated when I read other's blog where responsibility for things we know nothing about is taken and within this move into judgements that it's an overkill , a way to show off the willingness of being responsible for the unknown, instead of seeing we are all here and there is no other way out but to equalize ourselves to everything as the manifested outflows and consequences of our abdication of life for energy, before we can change something as Equals to it, or we won't have access to it and to change it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from reality to a point where I cannot yet remember or see my direct participation in the manifested consequences and outflows of this existence and that I won't be able to see clearly until I accept and allow myself to equalize to everything that I have created first as My Mind and then walk out of my mind into nothingness ad into the Physical to rewrite myself as a CoCreator of this existence in Equality and Oneness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support and endorse for years the teachings of LOA and Abraham Hicks, that teach that I Create my Own reality, yet even within this knowledge I failed to take responsibility for the whole I created, deluding myself that I was the one creating the positive and the good and someone else was creating the ugly and the evil, denying what I existed in and as, as both the Darkness and the Light, dismissing the Darkness as something that belonged to someone else, refusing to accept my participation in this creation of polarity as both the Light and Darkness of it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel Shameful and Guilty in connection with the sentence 'you must face your responsibility' and for using the same sentence on others with the purpose of generating the same feelings of shame and guilt that I experienced when I heard this phrase

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the feelings of guilt and shame in connection with the word responsibility, hoping that the longer I walked my Process the more used I would become to it, instead of seeing and realizing that not having cleared my starting point on the word "responsibility", I just kept compounding the guilt and the shame until I reached a point in which I was no longer willing to even hear the word 'responsibility' and reacted in automatic every time someone raised this word with a sense of irritation, justifying myself that it was about them, all of them that kept pushing this word on me, it was their fault and that they were not seeing that they should approach me in a different way, instead of taking responsibility for the feelings that were going on inside of me and clear them up so I could stand clear in and as self responsibility and no longer in self blame/fault

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that the people around me that were using this word were supporting me in letting go of my own self limitations of self judgement and emotions and feelings and that it was nothing personal and that it was NOT used as a way to make me faulty, guilty and shameful as I have used this word against others and myself but just to support me to see that there is no freedom but in self responsibility, where I accept that every movement inside of me is showing me a point of judgement through which I have separated myself from Self as Life and everything that exists

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that I have not created this existence as I originally believed, meaning I planned it and designed it and manifested it and that this was one of the delusions of grandeur of the LOA and my belief that I was a Creator, instead of seeing I cannot have created this existence and have no clue how it all came about, I have created this existence participating with everyone else in the abdication of Life for Energy and within this point of abdication of my responsibility for this Creation I have abdicated my ability to design and manifest what is best for all in separation of myself from Life and that now I am walking backward from Energy into Awareness, so I can start to stand with others equally self willed and start from nothingness to realign to What is Best for All as Life One and Equal

I forgive myself for failing to see that I feared responsibility because I feared seeing that there is no one Greater than me that will come and save the day, but it is me as Self, as Self responsibility that will have to correct what was created out of my abdication of Life and it will have to be done Breath by Breath until All is Equal and One and there will be Heaven on Earth for All Equally

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to see that it is only in Self responsibility for One as All as Equal and a World that is Best for All that the power to change exists as this creation is the manifested outflow and consequence of our separation and collective lack of responsibility to stand in Oneness and Equality and What is Best for ALL to manifest the Change of ourself and the World as a Mirror, that is required

I commit myself to embrace my Self responsibility for myself and existence Equal and One and to walk my correction into manifestation, standing for myself as Life and What is Best for All until we stand together as the New Directive principle for this World and What is Best for All One and Equal to Us and everything that exists.

Day 39: The Courage to Live

Yesterday Creation's Journey to Life Blog was about 'The Courage to Live'.

As it has happened to me in the past weeks, some of  'Creation's Blogs' build up like Opera inside of me, to an escalating point, and like the Opera, they always lead to tears.

Mostly they show me where and how I have not been on this planet at all, how I have managed to 'walk like an Egyptian' through existence, turning both cheeks whenever necessary because I lacked 'the Courage to Live'.

I am not faulting myself or others for this, we had no examples of what 'living' meant for real and how we could work toward that, yet, the simple realization that I have lacked the courage to Live and that I have used the word Courage in separation from me to express ludicrous Acts of Evil, like Courageous Acts of Wars or martyrdom or being eaten by lions as Courage, brought me to tears.

Yet with a bit of common sense I could have seen that the Courage to do as you are told, like going to war or being eaten by lions for an ideal that was never ours but implanted is not Courage but submission, martyrdom is just another act of submission to the religious system, self flagellation is an act of submission and fear, mostly all the acts of Courage I have valued and connected to the word 'Courage' were in facts acts of Fear, as martyrs saw their sacrifice as a chance to get good grades and into Heaven in Fear of the Afterlife, and acts like self flagellation were the self punishment to get ahead of the game in fear of Hell, being eaten by lions, well, this was in fact not a choice since it seems that after the Romans we have not kept up the practice to show our Courage, so going into an Arena to be eaten by lions was like war, something we were told we had to do, it was that or death, stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Yet, the biggest Courage I have had to summon in my life was to stand up in and as self correction in and as the Mind, when I realized I was in fact a living example of Self Abuse, and as I had already worked out that We are the Creator of Our Own reality, I had to wonder, where was my Self Abuse going if not into the manifestations of the Abuses of the World ?

How is it possible to BeLieve that we create the good only, just because We Want It ? Then WHO is creating the ugliness of the world ? This is a point worth investigating, because it's not What We Do that determines who we are, it's Who We Are that determines What We Do.

"I commit myself to be Courageous in challenging with Common Sense every point where abuse of Life has become the justified way of Life of the human race.

I commit myself to the Courage to Live.'

These were the sentences that yesterday drove me to tears, the first one because I realized how little common sense I have applied in my Life regarding the point of questioning the Abuses of this world and how much I did to not want to look at what was going on, and the second for it's simplicity, a commitment to the Courage to Live, that is no small feat since I realized that I am not Alive Yet and I never was.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it takes courage to die, when in fact it takes courage to Live

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear Living and for hiding in and as The Mind throughout my life without ever giving myself a chance to experience Life in the Physical

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Courage is shown in the face of Fear, which disqualifies me from having ever been courageous having always Feared living and not having stood up for and as Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the Brave Ones are the ones that dare to do what I don't dare to do, like dying, because I feared dying and no longer existing and yet I feared living and having to make the Decision of Who I Am and Who I Want to Be

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to leave back doors for myself from which I believe I may one day escape Process instead of seeing I have stood up for Life and there is no going back and leaving backdoors only shows my half assed commitment because I have never committed full heartedly to anything because I lacked the Courage to do so

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that going to the Army and to War, dying for God and What You Believe in, and displaying a carelessness for Life vs ideas, opinions and beliefs was an act of Courage instead of seeing, it takes Courage to Live

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that sleeping my afternoons away or not engaging fully in Life is a treat, instead of seeing this is my way of showing that I rather not be Here and face myself full time until I can stand up and Live but fade away into spaces of oblivion that I use to re-ward myself for having done something that I am supposed to do like writing my daily Blog

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress judgements about myself that led me to laziness instead of looking for the starting point of my judgements so I may release them and become more effective at my daily participation of myself in and self correction to stand up as Life for Life, One and Equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear Life as who I am and what I have become, because it looks like such a monumental task to deconstruct myself as the busy bee that I have been into building up all my honey cells in which I could imprison myself so I would not have to stand up and commit myself to the Courage to Live

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for how I have lived and what I have become in relation to my carelessness for a world of suffering, a world that is me as All There Is and my Creation as the suppression of everything of me I have separated myself from, instead of for-giving myself step by step to release myself and others from my participation in and as The Mind which is a monstrosity of backchats and polarities that I have allowed myself to accumulate to the point that I believe I lack the courage to face it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Living is a burden and that I wished to not be alive because I never understood what was the purpose of this mockery of life we call existence until I met Desteni and then it took me months to build up the courage to create enough capacity inside of me to be able to grasp how it is that we exist as we exist and what is required from each one of us to be done to change ourselves and the World, One and Equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I don't have the courage to read Heaven's Blogs because I feel so disheartened by both the amount of information and the implications of what this existence really means and what we have done through eons of time to build up this shithole called existence in which we now find ourselves as the Manifested Consequence of our separation from Life, Oneness and Equality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I may lack the Courage to look at reality and what we have created without wanting to just kill myself and be done with it all because it's too big and convoluted and how are we gonna get out of this is still unknown to me, instead of seeing I have had other points I lacked the capacity to take on board at the beginning, like Veno's Structural Resonance explanation, but now that I am on lesson 10 of my DIP and I went back to the Resonance Information, I am not as scared and I have in fact created capacity inside of me through Self Forgiveness to be able to see and take on more responsibility for Creation and my part in it, so I have to accept it's a process, and processes don't have quantum leaps, unless they are delusions of the Mind, as this process has to be walked backward in time, until I will see how I have created myself into this point of extensive all encompassing separation and one point of separation at the time I am able to Self Correct through Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective application while I keep walking to Birth myself as Life into the Physical

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear Life to the point that  created fake personalities to pretend to live and never be bothered by the question 'is this Life' because my personalities were created around the ideas and beliefs I made up about what living is and my acceptance and allowance that I better accept things as they are and make the most of it or I would just destroy myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, that when I feared destroying myself I feared the end of the existence of me as the Mind Consciousness System to which I gave up my power to be the Self Directive Principle of my Life because I embraced the idea that I had a path laid out for me, which was nothing else than my preprogrammed life in which I walked into without asking questions, given that my preprogrammed life was not as bad as the life of some others on the planet and I could 'live' with it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel victimized by this Creation when I saw the extent to which this Mind enslavement has taken us and theTraps we have walked into that I have accepted and allowed to define WHO I AM, instead of seeing I was always the only one brutalizing myself through my own participation in thoughts, feelings and emotions, the trinity of Creation of the delusions of my Mind that I then walked into physical reality, desiring to blame my life and what I accepted and allowed myself to become on others so I would not have to take self responsibility and stand up to as Life to start to Live and not to think and imagine I was living

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am not Brave/Courageous, because I would have NEVER died for God, instead of seeing that one point as a moment of Sanity in my Life in which I saw through the deception of existence and I rathered Live than Die for an Imaginary Heaven Abiding Hateful Spiteful Merciless Creator

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to measure my courage by my willingness to die for some 'cause' meaning be-cause someone said it would be a good idea, going to war, being a martyr or being eaten by lions, instead of realizing that Courage is not in the willingness to die but in the Self Will to Live, to stand up and stop my own existence as a robotic preprogrammed unit of self destruction and destruction, accepting that I do have the power to change and that since I have just lived out programs, that I have written myself through my acceptances and allowances of my de-finitions of ME, about who I was, it will be a matter of deleting these programs through self-forgiveness and rewriting me, having the Courage to rewrite myself on the nothingness I am aiming for so that I can become Self Honesty and build myself as Self Trust and Self Worth and become the foundation in and as the new world that I wish to be and be a part of.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what B. writes, because we started with a 7 year project, that became 14 and now we are at 28 years to change the world, and I fear if I keep reading we'll get to 56 and then 112 as it seems to go up exponentially and I fear I may not have the courage to participate in a project that is like planting a Date Tree for which who plants it will never see the bearing of the fruits, instead of seeing I don't need the courage to project myself to the end of this project, but just the Courage to stand up Daily, like they say at the AA meetings, because I am an energy junkie in recovery, one day at the time will do, one step at the time will do, One Breath at the time will build up Breaths that I have spent and invested in Life and Breaths count and if they won't count for me they will count for those that come after me, as me, One and Equal, to no longer have to live in and as a Debt System, but be liberated and have a chance to be born free in a world of support for All, One and Equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I may lack the Courage to Live, because I never lived and I am not even sure if I need Courage to Live or I need courage to stop pretending to be Alive according to my idea and beliefs and opinions of what being alive is, so I can Live

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into fear of living and desire to just sleep as a treat, in which I accept and allow myself to believe that sleeping is in fact better than living because I am NOT Here, and I don't have to face the truckload of shit I have accumulated and called my Human Experience because I fear the judgement of how much I have to clear due to my own self judgement of how much I have fucked up, so I stop myself from judging my fuck ups as more than others, in a slimy attempt to find worth and moreness in the negative side, having failed at the positive side, and accept that we are in fact All Equally fucked in and as the Mind, no one is special even in the fuckedupness, so I can see and realize that my walk is no different from the walk of others out of a Human Experience as a system of abuse and I no longer want to live in and as that, and that Courage is in Breathing, Here, and so I bring myself back  HERE consistently, I will myself back here as the Self Directive Principle of me and no longer as a Puppet of Energy and the Mind

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into autopilot of the mind as thoughts feelings and emotions, I stop,  Breathe, remind myself, autopilot is a design of Fear, and fear doesn't make good designs nor designs that are based on What is Best for All or what is Best for me and that I have decided to stop my abdication of Self Responsibility to Autopilot and get back at the helm of my life and that I have to accept that sometime I may catch myself already into autopilot but the Breathing will disengage me and bring me back Here to live as the Self Directive Principle of my Life, where I can embrace myself wherever I am and stand up in and as Courage to start living and standing in and as Life, Equal and One.

I commit myself to be Courageous in challenging with Common Sense every point where abuse of Life has become the justified way of Life of the human race.

I commit myself to the Courage to Live.'