My computer crashed, it has been painful to face having to reconnect to everything because I had to reinstall the operating system, so had to crawl up from the point of I can't face starting from scratch, because in fact I can, that was just another idea/opinion and the fear of myself projected into everything that I have to do to become as efficient as I was.
Last week I had lunch with a girlfriend and the point of me finding difficulty in finding a job came up, she is retired, during our walk she stated all the reasons why finding a job is just impossible at the moment, which clashed with my desire to 'keep a positive outlook on the situation', plus the point that I started to feel angry, because if this is the world you SEE, why aren't YOU standing up for a system change ?
Is it just because you are retired and so have nothing to worry about, until the pension money will be there, or because you think you have earned your right to be supported because you did enslave yourself to the system and so you deserve having 'peace of mind' now ?
And then the obvious Desteni question came up, which can be reduced to ' WHAT ARE YOU DOING' for a system change ?
Yes, good point, what am I doing ?
And so I felt the need to justify what I am doing with what I am doing practically, meaning I am involved on social networks and exposing reality and connecting to like willed people for a system change. To which she replied so what are We supposed to do, take to the streets, start a revolution, set the Parliament on Fire? Which are all system questions, as in our separation from We The System and We The People we see everything as something that is happening outward and not an inward change that is required and that will ultimately manifest outward.
I could not bring myself to explain that I am changing myself from a system of abuse to a system that is Best for All as simply I just lack the vocabulary to deliver process in Italian to someone else, especially someone that I have already defined within my mind as a socialist that has always been busy with social causes, so I see her as someone who in fact has done way more than me in practical application, yet the point is that she did everything she did in support of this system believing that the system cannot change, just like me, while in my belief that the system cannot change I embraced Law of Attraction and Positive Thinking and basically said to the world "Fuck You", as long as I am Fine.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react when I perceived my friend just accepting the system as it is, because now that I woke up I assume everyone should and if they don't, I have a right to blame them
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel defeated by this system because I cannot yet see how change will come in a country that is going more and more down the drain while people don't care
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for not having cared before about the World as Me, and for not having cared about myself as The World
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel embarrassed when someone asks me 'and WHAT ARE YOU DOING?' because I feel I have nothing to show in the physical, like having an Army or planning a revolution, all things I have accepted and allowed myself to associate with 'system change' while I projected the system needing to change outward and failed to see the system is inward as me as existence, One and Equal and that is the one required to be changed by each one of us individually
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get lost in my backchat while my friend was still talking trying to assess if I was the most angry and suppressed or if she was, distracting myself with the point that I no longer get angry as I used to and wondered where did all that energy go that I could not summon up
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for a point within my friend in which I could belittle her, as in "she is angrier than me", so I could see myself as being more than her and get out of the feeling of being less due to my own self judgement of me as having done fuck all for the world in the past, like social causes and standing up for the needy ones
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for not having participated actively in social endeavours like setting up shelters for battered women, or working for the Foreign Missionaries like my friend did, instead of seeing that it's just another point of acceptance of the system as it is and that such endeavours were always meant to make US feel better about ourselves in a world of atrocities and inequality and not tackling The Root Problem which is the system and myself as the system
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that 'the Poor have always existed and they will exist even after I die' and within this belief accepting that there is nothing I can do about it but accept that the system is too big to be taken on
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Life is about Joy when it was clear that some people who were born in extreme conditions would never have access to the joy the LOA talked about because they were striving to survive another day
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be ashamed of myself for not paying attention to the world because when I did I felt bad and I wanted to feel good and have a good life experience for myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to my friend, projecting on her the blame that I feel for myself for not having stood up before for a system change inward and outward
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my friend because 'she does that because she has no money problem', because I have not yet forgiven myself for having done that when I did not have money problems and within this I forgive myself for not standing up anyway when my life was 'working' and for believing that 'I am just doing this because my life is NOT working' or I would not care at all, just like before
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for something that I don't know, as in who I would have been if my life did work out and I had not met Desteni as I hold myself accountable for something that did not happen as my life did not work out and I met Desteni and saw the common sense of the message of Oneness and Equality, which was way easier to see from bottom up than top down.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear this system and what it is willing to do in the search for the ultimate gain and profit, instead of seeing I fear myself and what I am willing to do in search for my own energy and profit gains
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself as the system and for using this anger to not focus on what I need to do which is to get a job so I can re enter the system as an Equal, stopping all judgements about it and how far we took it and be the process of change within the system as the system
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the re entering the system will compromise me and my stance for Life, instead of seeing I can only be compromised when I exist in and as the Mind, where everything I do is just for myself and not considering What is Best for All
I commit myself to stop all judgements about this system and what has now manifested as the outflow of our participation in an existence of competition, in which only the most clever and strongest survive, instead of creating a system that supports What is Best for All as Life One and Equal
I commit myself to see where I exist in separation with the system through judgements and opinions of blame that I project outside to correct myself as the system into What is best for All as Life One and Equal
No comments:
Post a Comment