Friday, June 29, 2012

Day 74: Just Give Me My Circus Please

In Italy we are living on the edge of an economic disaster.
I cannot talk for the rest of the World as what I see every day, but here where I live it is NOT looking good.
This Capitalistic system that we support is strangling everyone.
In Italy  1626 businesses are closing down every day, banks are no longer giving loans to small and medium enterprises because the Profit return is NOT certain as the SME may NOT make it and nobody wants to board a sinking boat.
Unemployment is therefore soaring and living conditions are worsening, now it makes sense to take 'anything one can find', as my mum said to me the other day 'you'll get to the point where you will consider just about anything to make money', yes, this is what we tell each other about our right to Survive within the system at any cost.
But this right is being revoked, the Ministry of Finance in Italy has recently said that having a job is no longer a right, let me understand, if to live I need Money and to have Money I need a job, and having a job is no longer a Right, this means the Right to Money and the Right to Life is no longer a Right.
Oh yes, but this was The Premise of the Capitalistic System All along, it's in the name itself, Capital is the name of the game, if Life is NOT some sort of Capital, We The System do not care About Life.
The crashing economy is affecting the extremes of society, the young unemployed, they have mum and dad that can still support them, so we don't really concern with them or the fact that Not Having Money we are keeping Youth in a state of dependency, and then the ones that the system has spit out as redundant, a comical term to define people that unless they are trashed, they will redundantly be in the Way to Higher and Higher Profits, which is the only driving force of this system.
How did this Happen?
Well, first, slowly but on track, the Capitalistic system was built for Profit vs. Life, so it should come as no surprise that the Train is finally coming close to reaching its destination, More Profit, less Life/Lives, it's all working fine, secondly, while we were not watching or even remotely interested in educating ourselves about what is this system really about, the system took a Life of its own, which is personal gain to the detriment of anyone that stands in the way.
But aren't WE Systems with the same drive in fact?
Everything that happens in our Lives, from Love to Relationships of any kind are all driven by our personal desires and wants to GAIN something from another.
And how far are we personally willing to go for that gain, for that moment of pleasure, satisfaction, all based on the intangible (because it's NOT REAL) reality of feelings and emotions at its best, to the more honest Money/Sex and Power, as the underlining cause of it all? 
Are we even Alive?
Yet, to prevent ourselves from such questions rising and having to face the reality that our Lives are at best unsatisfactory attempts at living, we demand and get our Circuses, in which we can come together finally, driven by the Hope that for 90 minutes, united, we can experience something that we can call 'a good moment' a moment of Pride, in which we feel we are Worth something and not the ass-served Robots to an Inhumane System that is binding us All together in Hell.
Last night Italy won vs. Germany, 2 - 1, I watched the game and found that I had 2 energetic jolts of satisfaction when we scored, pathetic, yet real, and in those moments I managed to not feel so Alone and Lost, as Italy had taken to the streets en mass to watch the game and the celebrations went on well into the Night, and we could forget that some won't eat and they don't have jobs and that stress levels are reaching an all time high and moving people to do the most inhumane things, but we can stop caring or questioning or wondering if there is our personal responsibility written all over this World that we do not want to face.
The after game comments said that they were hoping this result would  uplift the spirits of Italians in this Grave moment of crisis, which begs the question, HOW ?
How is winning a soccer game going to solve or address the economics problems we are facing ? Better spirits are not feeding anyone, nor giving shelter to the homeless, we should state, 'we hope this soccer game has successfully managed to divert your Attention from the grim economic reality you are facing, to the Make Belief National Pride we have given you plenty of tonight, go in Peace/Pieces, Poor Bastards'
Imagine if we came together for a Change in such numbers as we do for a soccer Game?
The Change is Here, we are NOT yet, what is it going to be, Give me My Circus Pretty Please or Fuck the Circus I'm getting off from my own acceptances and allowances of the World as It Is and stand for Life and Change, up to me, Circus or walk myself to Life, there is no middle road.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel a reaction of 'Pride' when Italy scored 2 goals vs. Germany

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as Italian as in belonging to a Culture, failing to see I was just stating which Cult I have accepted and allowed myself to be manipulated by

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it's good to be Italian because we make a lot of nice valuable things, instead of seeing and realizing this is the drill I faced since I was a kid and those good and great things we manufacture are NOT accessible to everyone Equally, like Ferraris and Lamborghinis, Fashion Brands, and Exclusive Hotels in Exclusive Places, they are in fact Exclusivity tools, used to Exclude some to allow a few to feel more than others and more valuable within this Monopoly game that we have accepted as REAL, while we discarded Life as The Only Value that We All Equally Share

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire and covet Exclusivity as a Way of Life, in which I looked forward to the times when I would belong to a club/class from which others were excluded so I could feel more worthy and thus better about myself even though this would have to come to the detriment of others who did not belong to the same Club/Class

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that to 'stand up for your country' made any sense at all, instead of seeing that every time I stand up for my country I am standing against someone or someone's country and that this was a design to separate us into languages and cultures that would allow the Divide and Conquer of ourselves vs. the Few who are benefiting from this make belief Economic System

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see and realize that there is nothing honorable about 'standing up for one's own country' because in standing up in division and separation we are harming each other and Life and we are in fact living highly dis-honorable lives

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in the National Crap that they have indoctrinated us with, including a National Anthem which is nothing but a song written to make it clear that we belong to a country as an asset to the Monetary System

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into reaction when I saw how many Italians were in the streets and squares last night watching the soccer match, feeling disgusted that we would not stand united in such numbers to change the world to what is best for all, failing to see I was only disgusted at myself because I had just participated in the Pride of being Italian within me as an Energy rush because I have accepted and allowed myself to become a Nationalistic Crap supporter through my own allowed brainwashing

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look at Mario Balottelli, the first Black Italian I have seen on the National soccer field and for thinking WOW when he took off  his shirt after his second goal and stood there defiant looking like a Demi God and making Us All Proud

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be unable to connect his name during the soccer game to his face because his name is Italian and we have no Black Italians, because Italians are white with dark hair and the most extravagant are white with blonde hair and blue eyes, but it is unheard of that an Italian with an Italian name can be Black

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear Black Men because as a kid I was told by some educators and heard the sentence 'if you don't behave I will call the Black Man' and I had already associated Black with Evil and Darkness and everything that should be feared within My Mind and then I associated it to Black people

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself the first time I saw a black man in Italy when I was a teenager to suppress my fears that I felt even though I was raised by a family that was theoretically not racist and so I could NOT be afraid of a black person, yet when he asked me if he could take a sip of my coke and I said yes I was then paranoid about putting my lips where he had put his, just in case something bad would happen to me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be ashamed for not wanting to drink my coke anymore after this black guy had drunk from it and for not seeing or understanding what was going on with me and for judging myself as a weasel for my perceived 'racism' instead of seeing I was reacting to beliefs and ideas about darkness of which I was simply NOT aware

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself after watching the movie Amistad and seeing all those incredible fit black bodies to think ' and how did the white convince them they were inferior?' as I based my judgments of who we are on picture presentations and images of ourselves, where the ones that looked fitter and more beautiful were more worthy than others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be surprised when they showed Mario Balotelli going to kiss his mum, who was white, and for seeing in my mind all the backchat that followed this simple point of 'how can a white woman have a black kid' and then attempting to answer that he was maybe adopted because no white woman has/should have black kids that look so black as in showing that the white gene is completely missing, instead of dropping all my backchat and just going back to breathing, resolving that I know fuck all about genetics except what I have heard from a science that is designed and run for Profit and is therefore absolutely unreliable

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distract myself with backchat relative to Mario Balotelli family, because when he stood at the centre of the soccer field and I felt PROUD to BE Italian, I created a relationship with him based on my energetic experience of the moment of Pride and him as the instigator of such moment and then I became concerned with HIS relationships so I could build and strengthen my own relationship of energy with him and that moment of Pride

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for my 'positive reaction' to the soccer game as if I had sinned, instead of seeing and realizing I am bound to be shown by my body all the energetic relationships I have built and to what, so I can correct them into and as Equality and Oneness and What is best for All and so I stop my judgements of my energetic reactions and instead just use the points to self forgive, self correct and keep walking

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge 'The Italians' who took to the squares last night for those moments of Pride, failing to see I was watching myself magnified into a Nation and the futility of what we stand for as we distract ourselves with the Circus we have become, hoping to forget what is Going On both within and without ourselves, and especially WITHOUT in the sense that WE are NOT Here yet, to stand and take responsibility for this world as Us and that it's time to get on with leaving behind myself as Energy and an existence of highs and lows to find my stability in and as Breath Here, standing for and as The Change I want to see in this world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a system of Inequality in which my interest comes first and prior to the interest of anyone else, instead of seeing we are cells of the same organism sharing one Planet and to believe we have a choice that is Not to do What is Best for All is De-Mented, meaning is of the Mind because no one can survive when the whole fails and accepting our interdependency as systems of failures means to endanger the whole of which we are a part and not apart, no matter how many distractions we embrace to not self realize this point

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel hopeless about humanity and the point of separation we have reached, in which we believe that we are separate and we fight over resources that are needed by the Whole of Us to thrive, and that thriving would for sure be possible if we could just awaken from the slumber we embrace every time we delude ourselves about being separate and having to care just for 'mini-me'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the manifested consequences of our Circuses, in which we have turned into Clowns entertaining each other with energetic highs that lead us to the lows that cannot be escaped and for desiring entertainment as a point of NOT being Here facing myself in every moment of Breath but somewhere else, where Life makes sense, failing to see I am The One that has to give a purpose and a meaning to me as Life and that purpose and meaning can only exist in realigning to myself and What is best for All, for myself and existence, Equal and One

I commit myself to stop all judgments about entertainment and to see it for what it is, a point that we use to decompress because many of us have not yet found ways to support themselves effectively out of the Mind, and that to judge what is Here is a point of separation, no matter how many good reasons I can find to justify my judgments/separation 

I commit myself to stop my existence as the feeling of 'National Pride' because I can see in common sense that is plain bullshit as I belong to the Planet, One and Equal to everyone else, and that 'I am Italian' is NOT true as in a definition of me being a separate nationality from the rest, I was simply born in Italy, and Italy and what is the Culture that defines it cannot define me, unless I choose to define myself as an Italian within 'National pride'

I commit myself to see what are my energetic connections to this country that I have used to define myself, so I can see how I have used Italy as a point of separation and bring back myself to What is Best for All, in Oneness and Equality for myself and All of Existence Equal and One

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