Day 70: I Deserve a Star, Why Won't You Give it to Me?

When we start to look at ourselves and the world it's amazing how we could have missed out on so many clues that were showing us Who we Have accepted and Allowed Ourselves to be and become.

We believe things originate from the outside like the Customer Feedback System, and we miss out that in fact we are playing outward everything that started inward.

When I was working, Customer Feedback was very important, it is what guarantees that a Customer is Happy and will be coming back for more, whole Polling Systems have been created to quantify the 'satisfaction' level of the Customer Base of a Company.

Last night I had a dream, this dream is a repeat dream, I just change my clothes and the environment, the essence is always the same.

It's about my ex husband giving me a Negative Feedback.

Last night I brought him into a New Environment, I upped my chances for the desired Positive Feedback and brought him into the Desteni environment, we were gathering for a Self Forgiveness assignment that looked more like an exam, I do not remember the details just how disappointed I felt yet again for his negative feedback which was not specifically verbal yet the clear display of disinterest for me, and anything I did, played out while he played with his phone without giving ME attention and on how he missed out to be at the place he said he would be to pick up and deliver a group of us to the established Venue, in the dream I felt like crying in frustration and wanting to scream, why are you not giving me the positive feedback and recognition that I crave so much ? Not even now, that I am standing up to Change Myself to Change the World, what else am I supposed to do before I get 'this thing' I so much want?

Which at the same time made me feel pathetic, I lived a life as the desire for positive feedback in my own Mental Corporation, selling out, making sure the customers were satisfied and would come back for more, guaranteeing my survival as an energy system that feeds others to be fed back, so I can live my illusion and delusion of a Life that is worth living.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imprint myself as a kid with the fear of negative feedback which could possible build up all the way to shouting and violence

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire positive feedback as a way to feel appreciated and thus safe within my environment

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live a life of stress searching for this elusive 'positive feedback' fearing the 'negative feedback' and never in between being Here in and as Breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my mother because of this 'disease to please' that she passed on to me instead of seeing and realizing she could only pass on who she was and why it is paramount that we stand for a change at the level of Parenting before a Child is brought into the World to avoid passing on patterns and constructs that do not serve Life or What is best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to please as a way to have a positive feedback that made me feel good about myself vs making me feel bad in the case of the negative feedback, validating my existence as an energy system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not notice that this belief into the value of Positive Feedback is imprinted into us at all levels of society, starting from school where they grade us and rate us, to prepare us to become the perfect slave consumers, where products represent the positive feedback of the consumerist system that we believe will make us feel good as in the positive feedback we received in school and that everything that we value has the same original symbols of our original imprinting as STARS, where the highest the number of stars of a product or a venue the highest the positive emotional feedback  reward we are going to give to ourselves, which shows how the Elite is just as enslaved as we are to the positive feedback of the STAR system and the only thing that divides us is the Money we have access to, to get the feedback we need to validate our existence as Consumers of Energy/Substance

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lead myself as a blind through a maze of experiences, believing that experiences=Life, approving or disapproving of myself according to how many stars I could give to my experiences=Life and for resenting when others would not give me my Star for a 'job well done/ a good behaviour' to show me how pleased they were with my performance, transforming myself into a circus number performing for that moment of applause and gratification that I would get for my job well done

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I hated myself when I did not get a positive feedback because it showed me that I was BAD, failing to see I am the one who has accepted and allowed all this value system to exist in place of Life as the Only Value and so I believed I hated myself for Never being Here, in Self Expression in and as Breath, where the Value is no longer sought because the value of Life is Life and one and Equal to me when I am Here in and as Breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that when I receive negative feedback according to my own judgements and charges of what negative is, it is something personal that I have to take as a point of diminishment because I was not able to get the positive feedback that would validate me as an effective energy system gearing for that high that I believe meant 'I was alive and doing 'good''

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself and others within the game of positive and negative feedback as a way to hold others hostage to my same disease, holding grudges as a negative feedback or making nasty remarks to underline how much they did not please ME as I believed they would get the negative feedback and would experience 'feeling bad and diminished' about themselves

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to turn myself into a Corporation seeking for Clients that would give me a positive feedback as in the assurance they would come back for more energetic exchanges from which I could draw the meaning and purpose of my existence as a positive feedback energy collector

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the Corporations of the World for doing exactly what I have done all my Life, seeking the positive feedback of customers so they would come back for more assuring my existence through the continuation of positive energy feedback that for the Corporations translated into Money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to identify the source of one of my most displeased customer in my ex husband and for not being willing to let it go because I had to find ways to 'right' that 'wrong' impression and negative feedback/indifference he kept showing me so I could get back my value that I had misplaced in the desire for his positive feedback as a confirmation of my value and worth, in separation from myself as Self Value/Self Worth Here in every moment of Breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to my perceived and believed negative feedback and indifference from my ex husband as if it was real, and not something I made up to show myself that I would have to let go this point or I would torture myself, instead I held on to it as a point of diminishment that I could use against myself as self sabotage to show myself how unworthy and useless I really felt behind my confident personality presentation of myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am useless and worthless when I do no get a positive feedback or when I get a negative feedback, instead of seeing I am just seeking outside the Value of Me from which I have separated myself accepting and allowing that Life is about Energy and Good Energy feeds, instead of seeing and realizing that Life is here in the physical in every moment of Breath

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into the desire for energetic experiences of Positive Feedback in fear of negative feedback, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that Life doesn't need a feedback, only an energy system does and I am walking to STOP my existence as an energy system to birth myself as Life in the Physical, One and Equal with everything that exists

When and as I see myself looking for memories of my ex husband negative feedback as a way to abuse myself and remind myself how I failed in my Life so much so I have stored all the negative feedback as a point of diminishment til I believed there was nothing left of me, I stop, Breathe, assess the memory to see if it still holds energetic charges, if not I delete it and let it go through Self Forgiveness until I have cleared myself from all my perceived positive and negative feedback as a way to value myself as Life, reminding myself that Life is Here in Breath and not within energetic swings generated by me as the Mind and keep walking myself as Self Correction for what is best for Me and What is Best for All, One and Equal.

I commit myself to stop my existence as a positive energy feedback seeker and as fear of negative feedback, as I realize see and understand that Life needs no feedback for Value as the Value of Life IS Life itself.