Day 64: Possessed by the Desire for Positivity

Until I was in my late 20 I had quite a negative outlook on the World and existence as it basically made no sense, until one day a friend gave me a book by Louise hay called 'You Can Heal your Life'.

This book was about Positive Thinking, I tried it out and it worked, it made ME feel better, it did nothing to the World around me but I just Thought about it differently.

The book was clear about that as well, it will just change Your World, but anyway, that is The Only World You Have Power Over, so give up the Fight, embrace the world as it is and make It Work for You.

This came as quite a revelation, not because by that age I still believed I mattered in any way as far as changing the world, a point I had already given up about because I saw that Money ruled and I did not have enough to make any difference, but because I felt finally authorized to not give a fuck, which is basically what Positive Thinking and Law of Attraction are Teaching, just Think about Yourself and you will be fine.

From then on, my Life was spent looking for the Positive Thoughts that would give me a Positive Feeling, I believed Abraham Hicks when they said that Feelings are our guidance system, until one day I found a crack in the Teachings of Abraham, when he said that our lives are 99% already designed (by us and the accumulation of our desires), there is just 1% missing. Are Feelings than the Reward for following the Predesigned Path ? And who has designed it, it cannot be MY desires because a lot of people are desiring Food everyday in this world and They are Just Not Getting It.

Then I found Desteni, it was like an ice cold shower from Hell, it DID NOT make me feel good, not even close, yet it made sense, more than anything that I had blindly embraced on my search to fulfill my own energetic experiences.

How did I walk out from my Possession to Positive Feelings ? One step at the time, overcoming one horrific news after another as I got back in touch with the world and reality, which is One, Here on the Planet we all Share, and with each piece I put together I left positivity behind...just to swing into the Negative Polarity, because Energy is All I have known so far and so I am still walking out of me as Energy, one step at the time, one Breath at the time, supporting myself with writing and applying Self Forgiveness to severe my ties to all the energetic constructs I have subscribed to and created, because this world Must Change, and if our Egos of Delusions and Separation, that gave birth to self interest, spite and fear of survival, are fueled and kept alive by Energy, it is necessary to leave it all behind so I can realign myself to Oneness and Equality to manifest a World That is Best for All, as Life, Equal and One.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be disgusted at this world and this existence and for wishing that I was never born

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from this creation to the point that I cannot see or remember how all this came about, and I am now walking backward to understand this construct with the support of the Desteni Material

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to not have to face the Consequences of what we have set in motion by our abdication of Life in Oneness and Equality to Energy and Energetic relationships

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel overwhelmed by the task of taking on the Mind instead of reminding myself that it is a commitment to no longer engage my thoughts, feelings and emotions to define who I am and that it is a Time based process that will require Patience

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to embrace the belief in positive thinking as quick way out of the mess of energy I have accepted and allowed myself to become, because feeling 'good' is better than 'feeling bad'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that 'feeling good' is better then 'feeling bad' failing to see that feeling good means is more acceptable as one is just less prone to disturb others energetically and has accepted its own placement in the world and the world as it is being less of a nuisance to society

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to see that positive thinking is just the acceptance that everything is fine 'as it is' and nothing requires to be done, while everything in the physical is showing the exact contrary

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel relieved when I finally found someone that said it was Ok to not give a shit about the world, instead of seeing I felt relieved because somewhere inside of me I knew it was not, since the world is Me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the physical to such a point that I no longer perceive the World as me, as One and Equal,, and within this separation I have made it harder for myself to see how everything I think and say and do has consequences I have never taken into consideration before and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider anyone but myself and for seeing myself as a separate individuality disconnected from everyone else

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Desire to feel positive in fear of feeling negative and in fear of judging myself as a negative person, because I perceive the positive people to be more liked and accepted than the negative ones

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop positivity as a personality that is more likable and appreciated and has more value than a negative personality that makes everyone feel bad and is NOT pleasant to be around, instead of seeing and understanding that whatever movement another has within has nothing to do with me, as everything that happens inside of me is only my responsibility and no one else's

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a positive personality as a way to inspire and manipulate good feelings in the ones around me in fear of not being accepted having believed that what others feel and experience is my doing as I have blamed others for what I experienced, as their doing

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself into seeing the positive when only the negative was there, failing to see that both positive and negative are born out of my own definitions and judgements and that reality is what is, unless I define it within a polarity system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define, categorize and label everything within my life as negative or positive according to how 'it made me feel' instead of seeing that how I feel has nothing to do with what is happening outside of me, but is ruled by my own memories, thoughts, ideas and definitions of everything that exists within a polarity frame

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be ruled by memories, thoughts, ideas and definitions within a polarity framework of my own creation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I don't 'feel anything' I am dead, a zombie, a robot, instead of seeing and realizing that I am dead and a robot when I accept and allow myself to live a life that is in fact ruled by my own self created Polarities, in which I swing from positive to negative until I consume myself and the world around me as the consumer of Life I have become

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist letting go of Energy as Who I am, and for pacifying myself with negative energy as a way to not feel guilty for feeling positive now that I have landed into reality and had to face the World as My Own reflection as what it has become, instead of stopping all polarities and my own existence as an Energy Creator to stand for Life as One, as Equal, for What is Best for All.

I commit myself to stop my participation in thoughts, feelings and emotions, both positive and negative and to be aware of when I am quietly moving back into participation as a habit, as my own definition of what being alive is, so I can experience what being alive and being Here is all about, Breath by Breath, until I accumulate Self Here in and as Breath, in consistency and Self Trust for What is Best for All.