Saturday, June 9, 2012

Day 58: I am not my Dreams

“I am not my memories. I am my dreams.” ~ Terry Hostetler

In my previous Post I have looked at Memories as One point of this Statement, I am not My Memories, meaning I am not My Past.
So while there is one point of agreement with the above sentence, I am not My Dreams either.
First, let's look at why I Dream. 
The starting point of dreaming is that what I live and who I am, is not enough, if it were, I would not need to do the Dreaming.
Dreaming is a future projection of a possible outcome, it's a moment in which I am not Here, I am There, projected in a Life that is better than the Life I live, more satisfying, more successful, richer, fuller, better.
Within all these statements what I am saying is that Life and Myself are in fact Not Enough, I need more to be more, the simplicity of my being Here in and as Breath doesn't satisfy my fantasies, who and what I have come to believe I should be and should have, to have a Life, while I am in fact Not Living.
Within dreaming I am stating that I will be satisfied only when I will get or be what I dream about, so not only I project myself into future outcomes, I am accepting that life without those fulfilled dreams, basically, just sucks, I suck as a Life that doesn't fit my own accepted and allowed expectation of what a 'good life' should be.
So Dreaming is the acceptance and allowance of a life that sucks within the Hope that it may get better, that if I focus hard enough on my Dreams, I'll get there, be that, have that, and I will finally be Happy.
Dreams are therefore the delusion of our eternal search for happiness, having failed to realize that happiness is a feeling, a product of the polarities of the Mind, and that if I board the swing, I'll be Happy and Sad and Happy and Sad, because I have to balance out whatever it is that I accept and allow myself  to live One and Equal to, so if I accept and allow myself to believe that I am my emotions and feelings, then I am and I board the swing, which is not Real, it is The Dream on both sides as the Past and the Future, a diversion from Here, a moment in which I am asleep, because without being asleep I can't Dream.
As far as swings go, I have not been much of a Dreamer, more than in Dreams I have indulged in Hopes, Hoping that things would get better, hoping that someone somewhere would come and sort it all out, hoping that life one day would make sense, because a life stuck between the Past as Memories and Dreams as the Future is not a Life, it's an Energy rehearsal, where we go on stage and pretend to be whoever we need to be to fit a specific outcome, looking for the good feelings of life while fearing the bad emotions of life, life as in 'experience' and while we swing for the joys of Energy, we forget to be Here and what Life is, Here as Breath, with no Past and no Future to look forward to, because I am enough and Life is Enough and the value I have been seeking has always been Here in and as Breath, where Life is enough because the Value of Life is Life itself, and all searches end, returning the end to the beginning and the Value where it was always supposed to be, on Life Here in every moment of Breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Dream about a better Life because I did not like the Life I lived and believed I could change it through hoping for a better life or dreaming about it, without realizing it was up to me to stop my existence in and as Energy and start Living

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use Dreams and Hopes as a way to not be Here facing myself and what I accepted and allowed myself to live One and Equal to so I could stand in Self Honesty and Self Responsibility to forgive myself and walk the self correction of myself as Life as What is Best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imprint myself with desires and images that turned into dreams about what a perfect Life was about, without realizing I was accepting and allowing myself to turn myself into a Consumer of Life for the purpose of boarding the energy swing that I believed was what being alive was and meant

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to see that if Dreams were the way to create a reality and that they were the blueprint of what is to come that I was laying out, than the starving people would be fed because for sure they dream about eating every day, even though their dreams are not coming true

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imprint myself with songs and movies about dreaming and hoping and the power of dreaming and hoping and what it can do to change lives, even though I lived in a physical existence that was proof that not all dreams are coming true for everybody and thus dreaming was NOT a solution that is real or that can help to create What is Best for All

Iforgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word 'dream' with a positive feeling, because in the dreaming I get to be asleep and I don't have to face reality and what are the manifested consequences of a creation in which I have allowed myself to participate and the outflows of my existence as Energy

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to encourage 'dreaming in others' saying between the lines that all our lives suck and we have a right to dream/fall asleep so we don't have to live or watch what this reality has become  through our acceptances and allowances and our self interested participation 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to dream as a way to not be Here because I believed I was not enough and Life was not enough and I'd rather be away in my Past, Hopes and Dreams than be Here anytime

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be More because I believed who I was as Life was not enough

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to see that any desire I held in my life was a search for a value that I accepted and allowed myself to believe I did not have and I had to search for outside of myself, in something that would give me a good feeling and through the feeling good I would know that I had found something of value, instead of seeing I was chasing dragons while I was giving up my Value as Life Here as Breath in every moment

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be more through Dreams and Hopes in fear of being Less, engaging in the Games of Comparison and competition as a way to Give myself Value as Energy as feeling good as a proof that I was in fact Alive and on the right path, accepting and allowing myself to be led by Energy, a Blind leading a Blind through Life as experiences instead of Life here in every moment of Breath

I commit myself to stop all dreaming and Hopes that take me away from Here and Life in and as every moment of Breath and to look into the nature of my dreams and hopes to see where I am not satisfied with my Life and how, so I can deconstruct these points of Desires and beliefs about who and what I should be and have to be Alive, until nothing remains but me as Life Here, in every moment of Breath for what is best for Me and What is Best for All, One and Equal.

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