Day 148: Stopping Self Judgement by Comparison

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others/other things and other circumstances of my Life to work out if I am winning or losing by comparison

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to see my worth and value through Comparison just because I have bought into what this system teaches as comparison for Value, from kindergaden up, and I have learnt to see the value of coming out 'on top'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel the tension of competing as a child and for believing later that I did not like to compete, when in truth I did not like to lose

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to appear 'innocent' in my comparison and competition, because the I believed the winning is better and more 'elegant when I am not blatantly flaunting what I have that I perceive to be 'more' than others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that having more than others in terms of anything makes me more than others in Value and Worth

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be more than others because apparently I already concluded I was not enough

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that I was not enough/good enough

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others as myself for not being innocent in what they do but for hiding a blatant deviousness, such as my own, the judgement of which I projected on others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be innocent and for wishing others saw me as innocent because I believed I was not

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to 'play innocent' when I had in mind something that was certainly self motivated and self benefiting that I had judged as not innocent, attempting to not be judged by others as self motivated and devious instead of seeing and realizing I had already judged myself as such

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire my innocence back, even though I have no memories of a time in which I was in fact innocent as in beyond judgement of myself and others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide my own self judgement behind comparison, hoping to come out the winner and that winning could make me feel better regarding a point for which I was judging myself using sentences such as 'at least I', including 'at least I judge myself harshly'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my own unresolved self judgement on others and for telling them 'I am not judging you' as an entrance line so I would then have free reign in the damage I was about to do through my words of judgement as self judgement

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent the sentence 'I am not judging/ not judging you, not judging here' because I projected on these words my own judgements and the deviousness of such sentences for the purpose of not being judged for judging

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in judging Feasts with others as Gossip, in which there is a Group Take down of someone so apparently the winning effect as consensus is multiplied and is justified at the same time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge what I think because I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my thoughts as good and bad and now I don't want to look/own the bad ones because my own judgement of them makes me feel tense and anxious and brings up resistance in me regarding facing the 'bad' thoughts and taking responsibility for them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that the origin of my desire to smoke pot was not what was happening in the outside world around me, but what was happening in my inside world, in which I constantly judged myself for the Characters I was aware I was playing and that I struggled to keep in line, each one in their place and just coming out when I said it was their appropriate Air Time

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I don't know how to relate to this world unless through comparison and for feeling at 'a loss' when we tried to turn EMS Wiki into pictures because I saw that I was unable to deliver one concept as Best, without the comparison to everything else as Worse

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there is a Best and a Worse, because as a kid my grandfather used to say 'it was the best in the shop' which always meant the most expensive, and for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the Best must Cost The Most and then apply this judgement to people and myself and when I did not manage to get 'My price' in any exchange I had with others, I would end up feeling Cheap and as such not best and by absolute comparison just worse

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not accept the point my mum tried to make when I gave up at my scientific studies at 14, by stopping to go to school, that I was competing to be the worse, while I believed she was just lost in her psycho babble with no foundation into reality, when in fact it was true, I had convinced myself that, since I could not be the best I could at least compete to be the worse and still get to win within one of the polarity plays of life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enter my marriage believing I did not deserve my ex husband because I believed he was better than me and for then spending years trying to take him down to my 'level' of mental depravation so that he would stop being best and could start fitting into this reality as one of us devious and manipulative creature of the world, and for many years later, after our divorce, feel a great sadness as I believed I was seeing in him the aftermath of my negative influence and the consequences of what I did, teaching him that by naming the game, as in 'Overt Manipulation', one was being honest and not hiding anything and that made 'Manipulation' OK

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself regarding my relationship with my ex husband, thinking and believing I married the best man I have met, just to turn him into a shadow of his former self due to my verbal abuse and mental disorders

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to memories that I have clearly manipulated of my 'badness' within my marriage, to prove that I was the worse, when in fact I have discovered that my ex hisband has good memories of us as well, which I did not file because they were not aligned with the Character of the worse I wished to play and beat myself up for

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I ' created a Monster' as my ex husband after Marriage, as I saw him change into this Manipulative and Judgemental Creature, as the carbon copy of me, as a result I believed, of having spent 7 years with me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish that I could undo what I have done to people that I believe I have influenced/hurt/damaged because I believed I had the right to say anything that crossed my mind, never taking responsibility for anything that in fact crossed to see how what I was about to say or express would support another as me, going as far as to think and say that words don't matter, that they are meaningless as I perceived words to be empty and never meaning what they were used for in the context they were use within

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my words so much, that both myself and my words became empty of Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for my past comparing what I have been, done, said to what I see understand and realize now as my responsibility for the part I play within the world, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding I need to forgive myself for what has been and what I have done and the judgement of me competing to be the one that judges myself most harshly is really stupid and useless and just proves that I am still competing within judgement if not to be the best, to be the worse

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as 'no longer innocent' in comparison to an imaginary innocence that no one has ever had on the planet because living within polarity cannot be living within and as 'innocence' and so I have been judging myself comparing myself to an 'idea and ideal' of innocence that I have just made up in my Mind as a way to belittle myself and remind myself how unworthy I really am

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as unworthy, not enough, not good enough, comparing myself to those that I saw and judged as better than me, more innocent than me, instead of seeing and realizing that Equality is the point of seeing our Equal participation in both the roles of victim and abuser and to stop our existence as both to return Here in and as Breath to walk my self correction to realign to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

I commit myself to stop judging myself as others within comparison, either to come out the best or the worse because all comparisons and competition are a sickness of the Mind and not What is best for All as Oneness and Equality

I commit myself when and as I see myself moving toward comparison/desiring to compare and compete, to stop and Breathe, remind myself that when I am faced with this desire or habit I am still the one that decides if I participate or not and that I have chosen to no longer participate as I stop the existence of me as self Judgement/Judgement by comparison

I commit myself to when I see that I am moving toward speaking, thinking about speaking, wanting and desire to speak the sentences 'I am not judging you, him/her/them/it, here", to stop and breathe before I speak these sentences, as I have seen and realized they are the introductory red carpet to the Judge by Comparison and to breathe myself back Here until I am stable and no longer desiring to participate in judgement/self judgement by comparison

I commit myself to deconstruct my Judge Character consistently as it is a total waste of space and not in alignment to what is Best for All in Oneness and Equality.

 

Related articles

• Day 69: Perceptual Character Self Forgiveness Statements continued...
• Day 85: Manipulation Character Self Forgiveness Statements
• Day 121: The Box: Judgement and Suppression
• Day 145: The Judge - Judging Myself and Others as Characters
• Day 146: Judging Myself, the Hows and Whys - Morality
• Day 147: I am Not Judging You - Bitch!

Day 142: I'll name My Price All Right!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that only the things I don't enjoy doing should be paid, because if I am enjoying myself I am not Really working and I should not be paid for what I do

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that working must be a nuisance that we pretend to do as I have associate my grandma taking naps when she was working at home in the afternoon and asking me to 'lie about it' if her boss should call during nap time, with 'working' and what working is as something we should  default and rather take a nap, on the preference list of things to do

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, since I had negative judgements about napping because I was always forced in kindergarten and elementary school to take a nap, and even when I said "I don't want to", "I am not tired", I would be asked to lie down close my eyes and 'rest' and therefore turned napping into the ultimate waste of time and life, to then when I associated napping to being better than working, perceive work as something that I must dislike MORE than napping and therefore every time I enjoyed what did I could not  call it working and I should in fact, not be paid for it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that it was awkward that my mum would want to pay me for doing things I would have done for free, like swapping winter and summer closets at the end of the seasons because I had a neat and organized mind to carry out such works and enjoyed doing it, while she was attempting to teach me that what we do must be paid for, because this is how we sustain ourselves in this Money based world and yet every time I enjoyed what I was doing, I felt awkward to be paid for it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am strange because I actually enjoy everything I do once I start doing it, even caring for a home or cleaning but because I always had to justify why people paid me to do what I did, I started to pretend that working was hard and all consuming like it seemed for everyone else around me who talked and nagged about it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty when I enjoy something I am doing and I am paid for, because I believe that 'to be honest' I should not enjoy what I am doing since this is the reason why people are paying me and others for, to do what we don't enjoy doing, and that it is dishonest to in fact enjoy myself when I am paid to NOT enjoy myself because this is what work is

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when I am asked to 'Name my Price' I have to be careful to not ask too much because I could end up not doing what I enjoy doing, which is more or less everything and I have to be careful to not ask too much in case people resent my request and don't allow me to do what I enjoy doing for money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate 'name your price' to prostitution, because this was the first mention on "women selling themselves" that I heard, which I have associated to everything I do for money that I would happily do for free but I can't because I need the money to live now, and so I have to reconcile with this work/money point because is a limitation that I am imposing on myself just because of a few oddities I have picked up along the way that I can let go to realign myself to be an effective human being within the system to do what is best for me as best for All as in overcoming my self imposed limitations

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, since I associated women on sale to being a bad thing as in prostitution, to not want and resist 'selling myself' for a job, instead of seeing and realizing that it was me judging and defining working as 'selling myself' and not as putting my labor in the system for money for now and then I will do the same for What is Best for All when the New System will allow it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge prostitution as 'bad' because I picked up on the raised eyebrows, judgements and resistance of people around me talking about it, instead of seeing that prostitution is in fact a very honest job, since it's the only job in which someone sells what they really own that has not been manufactured through slave/children labour or other abusive means and that the only thing that makes it unfortunate is that it is not a choice job as it is not chosen but is the last resort of women who have been left at the fringe of society without entry to the Money system that sell their body, because honestly, who would like to sell their body if one would have enough to live and provide for their family?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist "selling myself" in an attempt to not prostitute myself to this system of abuse, failing to see that at the moment we are all prostituting ourselves to live, because we have made this planet into a living Hell where Life is for Sale and no Life is for Free at the moment, not even the Elite's because they are enslaved to this system of Fear just as much as we are, as We Fear for our own survival and they Fear to lose what they have and have to Fear for their own survival

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to not have to 'name my price' but instead to have my price named for me, even though, due to my desire to NOT take responsibility for myself I had to face many times the point that no one can put my interest before theirs in a system of survival and that I myself do not put their interest before mine when I refuse to Name my price, I am just hoping that they will name a price High Enough for Me to be happy with so I won't have to face the point of 'naming my price' and how I experience myself within this point

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel disappointed when people 'named my price' and the price was too low and I felt devalued by their low offer for the price of me, because I have accepted and allowed myself to associate my worth to the amount of Money I can make/ earn as a 'living' in separation from myself as Self Worth, instead of seeing the simple point of giving a service/work I get paid for that has nothing to do with my worth or my value

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that 'living' means making money, because if I have to 'earn a living' than my living is equal and one to the amount of money I earn, instead of seeing and realizing no one can make a 'living' because we are already Alive, we are just going out to get the money we need to function within this system because it's practical and it's part of the self support we owe to ourselves in this Money based system that we now have to walk as the consequences of all the other stupid decision we made through eons of time that led us here

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imprint myself with all the 'make a living' bullshit that my family passed on to me, as a point of value I should seek for myself, instead of seeing and realizing that they were just passing on their fears that if I were not to become effective within the system I would not be able to live because we have turned this world into a Live or Let Die place, where Life is for Sale but we never want to just spell that point out right, because we fear to have to face what we created of this world so much, that we pass on the 7th generations fears to the children to teach them to fear the system and not being able to live without 'making a living', as none of these Fears have been resolved and transcended by the children caretakers themselves but just passed on through words of 'parental add-vice'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when asked to name my price, feel a tightening in my solar plexus, stop breathing as my mind jumps into all directions while I try to compare myself to what is available on the market, to who is asking, how much they can pay and how I should ask for it, instead of breathing and just stating my price that I believe to be fair for the excellent work that I know I can do, stopping seeking justifications through comparison to why I should be paid so much, because when I do I start the fault finding game to prove to myself that I am better/superior/more than others and that is why I deserve MORE than them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to justify how much I think is a fair price and the price I want for the work/service I give instead of seeing and realizing that if I have to justify myself is because I have doubts about deserving that amount for what I do, and that I always then FEAR that, since I cannot even justify to myself why I should earn more than another, because I went into the comparison game looking for reasons as to why the price I want to ask is right, and within that discovered many are paid much less and so somehow instead of seeing and realizing that is because we are all playing this game to the bottom trying to secure a job for ourselves out of fear of survival, that we have reduced the market place to a place where we are happy to take on slave jobs for nothing as we believe we have 'outsmarted' the competition by asking less, instead of all of us being Value Worth conscious as Self Value and Self Worth and holding our ground for what we are worth, which would have given birth to a complete different working game and not the slavery game we are now facing as the consequence of outsmarting each other in a race to the bottom

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I cannot 'name my price', and that I must be ashamed of the price I want to ask and who do I think I am wanting to be paid more than another, and yet if I did not compare myself to another and just asked what I saw as fair for what I do as a work or a service, I would not go through shame or guilt as I would be doing my own thing as what is best for All, because is certainly NOT best for All to race each other to the bottom, but would be best for All to see that we are worthy of good wages and a job we enjoy doing, otherwise we are becoming by our own doing the slave force of this capitalistic System, without even realizing we got where we got through our own fears and our own doing

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when I am asked to 'name my price', move into fear, that godonlyknows, what if I name the 'wrongprice' as if there is such a thing as a wrong price and not just a price I have set, which is not wrong or right, and it doesn't become wrong even when someone refuses my request, it's just not a match to the budget they had for the position they wished to cover

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent men who were paid more than me, double than me and for secretly backchatting them to diminish them in my eyes, so I would not have to feel the experience of diminishment and of being worthless by comparison, instead of seeing and realizing that I never resented others but just myself for having 'named my price' so cheap just because I had hang ups about naming a Fair Price for what I do as work or services

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I don't get the price I want, I am worthless because, since I associated my worth and value with the money I can generate as a 'living' when my price is not met it means I do not have that worth and value any longer and now I have to go and seek value for myself somewhere else, which is one of the reasons why I dislike naming my price, instead of seeing and realizing that meeting my price has many factors attached to it that have nothing to do with me or my self worth and value, unless I give it up and invest my worth and value into an 'idea of Worth and value that is translated into a money number' that when is not met leaves me feeling worthless

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my work is priceless, which is in fact what happens when I am asked to name my price 'I am Price-less' as I believe my work is superior in every possible way due to the way my mind processes information and the work flow of operations in sequences of priorities that are unmatched by the people I have worked with so far, and yet wanting to be Price-less leaves me without a price to name when I am asked to name a price, which then leaves me feeling Worth-less as I tumble down from the Priceless Podium on which I had built myself within comparison and competition to the worthlessness of being Price-Less as Worth-Less

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that in a World where everything has a Price, being Price-Less is associated in my Mind with being Worth-Less, as I lack the Price tag to define me and place me where the system believes and insists I belong according to my Price Tag, which I am the Only One to name, and so as I accepted and allowed myself to believe it was the system allocating me, this was not true, it was me through my acceptance and allowance of my Worth as Price, which is why I resisted to 'name My price' in Fear that once I named it I was fucked into some system layers from which I would never be able to escape, failing to see I was the one doing the whole Role Playing as I sought for my worth and value outside of myself in separation from myself as the Price tag I did not want to name just out of FEAR

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to FEAR naming my Price, in Fear of my own definition of Myself and what I believed and though 'I was really Worth', instead of seeing and realizing I feared naming my price because I feared seeing that I had misplaced my Value and Worth onto a price Tag that I did not want to Name to Not see what is the worth and Value of me, according to ME

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that unless I am Price-Less, I am Worth-Less and yet the conundrum is quite clear, do I have a price for my work and services or not? Because if I am Price-Less then I Have to Work for Free, and yet I see realize and understand that this is NOT possible within this physical reality at the moment in the way things are set up, so I better pull myself together, stop being Price-Less so I can 'Name My Price' and be content with it when I engage in a new job or in giving a service/work for which I have clearly within myself set a Price for

When and as I see myself being asked to Name My Price and I feel the tightening in the solar plexus, I stop, breathe, remind myself that if I had not anticipated being asked and if I don't know what is offered and required of me it is acceptable to ask what would my services/work entail and then decide what price I am content with that I see as fair for myself, stopping to worry about If They will see it as fair as they will have their own responsibility to see what they can afford for what they are asking for and I have to see what I am willing to do for what price and without comparison to anything else, state My price

When and as I see myself trying to move into the Mind to find reasons why what I ask is fair, which is the step before I move into Comparison and Competition and attempt to bring everyone down to justify my higher worth and value, I stop, breathe, remind myself I no longer want to participate in comparison and competition and that My Price is not dependent on Comparison and Competition but on what I am willing to do for what price, without on the spot or later go comparing myself to other wages just to feel diminished if I discover someone earns more than me as in 'they are more valuable than me'

When and as I see myself desiring to compare 'values and worth' with others in the same business or in the same company, hoping to come out the winner, I stop, breathe, remind myself what a losing game comparison and competition is and I keep walking my self directive decision in self responsibility for the choices I made and the Price I myself named for my work and services

I commit myself to stop the comparison and competition game regarding the point of 'naming my price' as it is ME naming My price and so there is none else responsible for what I name as my Price once I am offered a job or required a service

I commit myself to assess what a job or a service entails before I Name my Price, so that a clear communication is exchanged about my potential role and the Money I ask for it, to avoid further misunderstanding or tensions down the line once I make a decision

I commit myself to walk my decision in self honesty and self responsibility, stopping the blame of others for having what I did not have the guts to ask for, and instead ask for what I want to have that I see as the fair price for the services and job I have been requested or offered

Related articles

• Day 88: Capitalism vs Socialism?
• Day 92: I Have to take care of MY People
• Day 93: Grey Populations and Hopes for Peace in Old Age going Dark
• 142. The Money Security-Bubble
• Day 142: Money and True Activism
• Day 145: Labor and Slavery
• Day 149: ACCUMULATION SECRETS of WEALTH
• Day 141: Name Your Price, Babe

Day 117: It Could/Should Have Been Me - Character

Yesterday I went onto Linkdln to catch up with some requests for Connections. As I did that I took the Option to check who was on it of the people "I used to Know". The Past tense applies because I have not kept in touch with anybody from my past Life in Hong Kong after my big dream to move to Thailand and get rich with LOA and accumulating knowledge and information about Energy Healing deflated into the realization that oopsie, there is something really weird going on with the world  which then led me to Desteni.

On the page of people that I used to know I found 2 of my girlfriends, One when she first moved to Hong Kong from Italy wrote to me at my office asking for a job, which I could not give her because we were a tiny Rep Office but told her to not give up and keep looking, the second was one of my students of Italian, a very dedicated Chinese student that almost mastered the language within 6 months. Both of these women are hard working dedicated professionals, yet when I saw them now covering the position of Managing Director One and Regional Manager (which would be the equivalent but extended to a whole region such as Asia Pacific) I had a reaction, the first reaction was jealousy as I see them living the life I wanted to live and gave up for nothing, the second was looking for reasons why I was in truth better than them and "it should have been Me" covering those positions, regardless to the point that when I did cover that position I threw it away as I went following the delusions of my Mind achieving the total disconnection from reality..and that was about All I achieved. This is NOT the first time that I have seen myself embody this Character, which is spiteful and hateful and will do anything to take others down just about to the level where I experience myself within a comparison that is something I am doing all by myself and that doesn't even want to recognize that my friends have put in the time and the consistency to build themselves where they are now, and that being efficient within the system requires the time and consistency that I never wanted to put in because I was too arrogant to abide by the rules of the system that I have participated in creating through my ow acceptances and allowances of such a world where positions of responsibility are given to those that are willing to play by the rules and not to those who scuff and snubb the rules believing to be above them only to regret the lightness and delusion awith which they lead their lives as the One that is Above it All.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel uncomfortable when I saw 2 of my friends on Linkdn covering position of responsibility and for thinking 'it could have been me, it should have been me'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel jealous as I projected within my mind the lives they were living in Hong Kong, comparing them to mine having to start again from scratch, when "It could have been me/should have been me" having the easy life that I pictured they are having now

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny to myself that I felt jealous because I don't want to admit to jealousy as something I participate in but something I am above to, as I don't want to see what I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in as comparison and competition with other women for position of responsibility within the working world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move into the nasty character looking for the 'imaginary faults of my friends' so I could take them down to the level of inferiority I was allowing myself to experience myself as, wishing to no longer feel inferior to them through fault finding, instead than addressing my own experience of inferiority through my own comparison and competition and stopping myself through breathing, self forgiveness and self corrective application

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stew for some time within the feelings of inferiority that then led me to desire to compete and take my friends down within the nasty character, instead of addressing immediately what I saw clearly that was going on with me and stopping myself with breath to not allow myself to move into comparison and competition as I know that when I allow myself to play the comparison and competition game I will be nastily looking for other's faults that can give me an edge and a reason to believe that it could have been me/should have been me and the do not deserve what they got

I forgive myself for accepting and alowing myself to create this character of 'It could have been me/it should have been m' when I started to compete for the love and attention of my mother, who was displaying affection and gentlenes to the friends I invited at home and not to me, and while she explained to me that she did it because their mum was not around to do it for them, she would refrain it from doing it to me, to not make my friends feel bad for not having their mum around and so I would retreat inside myself thinking that 'it should have been me/it could have been me' if I just could have done more, or something different that would have to be praisd regardless of my friend's mums not being around and so I would inside myself feel like a failure that I could not do enough, good enough. well enough, to make my mum's praise and gentle touch impossible to not be given regardless of my friends

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop this competition side with women for attention and praise, because all the friends I would take home were girls with which I competed for the attention and the love of my mum, fearing that she loved them more than me and that she would rather have them as her child than me, always comparing me to them just to come out the loser everytime my mum would give or do for them what should have been given to me, what could have been given to me if I just could have been more, nicer, more loveble, more special than my girlfriends and with this fear of not being enough, not good enough I imprinted my life and created a Character that always seek to be good enough, more than good, better than to secure my position as someone who deserves to be praised and loved and accepted in fear that I would have to experience myself again as the second choice, B class, pity it was you my daughter and not this one or that one

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I was never good enough as I perceived myself to not be my mum's favorite but just the daughter she had and had to accept, and within this belief I accepted as real I believed that I had to do more, be more special, original, unique to conquer that elusive Love that I wanted just for myself without having to compete with other kids for it, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to this thought that became a belief and turned into a Character that I ended up automating every time I participate in the thought 'it could have been me/it should have been me'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not Love and accept myself unconditionally at all times while I separated myself within an existence as Characters and missed out on myself Here as Breath as Life as my unconditional unrelenting Self support

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that my mum was passing on to me her history, as a child that had not been wanted by her mother, and so she would not do to other children what it was done to her, as being left as second choice within someone's home by their mother and have them Fear that they were not wanted, and that noone has been aware or has been instructed on what it means to have children and NOT passing on to them our history, Fears and unresolved feelings and emotions and that we need proper education for parents to give their children the proper instructions on how to grow up as effective human beings that can in fact love one another and not compete for imaginary good feelings in fear of negative emotions


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed because of what I did when I had made myself sick through my own participation within and as the mind and the subsequent suppression through Pot abuse, instead of telling myself that the Past is Over and I can only correct myself now by stopping the Self Abuse of taking myself again and again through everything I believe I have done wrong in my life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed as a way to square the books of my self defined bad behavior, instead of stopping all definitions of my behavior as good or bad and just moving as the correction of myself that I am rewriting and walking in every breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret the choices I have made because I have thought and told myself that if I had not made those choices now I would be financially stable and able to help and support more the cause of Equality, instead of seeing and realizing I am using the cause of Equality as the rightful reason to just bash and abuse myself which means I am NOT in fact stopping the self abuse for which I forgive myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stop the abuse of myself as the judgements and regrets of my past decision instead of standing as the decision that The Past is Over and that the 'if onlys' of my Life have to go for me to be able to stand Here in and as Breath and stop all self loathing for who and what I have been and have done in the past within my Character Play

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play nasty toward women when competing with them, because while I have somehow accepted that I cannot compete with men in the workplace, because they are men and they get to always have the bigger slice of the cake, I have turned into competing with women where I see more chances to win and make it to the podium where I can show that 'I am better then them', instead of being supportive of other women as myself as we walk together out of our accepted and alloweed Inequality of the workplace

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compete with the ones that I perceive to be the weakest because I want to maximize my chances to win and be more and the best and so I would not go into competition where I believe I would lose and therefore I define myself as not competitive, while I secretly compete where the opportunity to make another less than me is clear and non debatable, because my fear to lose is so great as I fear the diminishment of myself that I would only take on the ones that I perceive and believe I can win against so I can feel more than them and find some value for myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that value is found within the winning and losing competition, wherein I have accepted that some have to lose for some to win, and within this I have supported the whole system of control of winning and losing within the desire to always be the winner and the one on top

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to see that whatever competition I am participating with I must be in Character and not in Breath, as I need the Data of a Character to be able to compare and compete with other Characters, instead of stopping myself with and as Breath and consistently bring myself Here, out of all comparison and competition for myself and all of existence as What is best for All


I commit myself to stop my existence as the 'it should have been me/it could have been me ' Character as I see realize and understand it is a Character that I have played out of a frozen memory that was charged with sorrow and jealousy that I perceived to be real and Who I really am, while I see realize and understand that as I accepted this thought One and equal as me, I accepted the whole truckload of emotions and feelings that came with it and then layered them inside of me into a Character that is Not who I really Am as Life but just a Role I played within this Game of Characters

I commit myself to expose to myself how as the thought 'it could have been me/it should have been me' comes up inside of me or is about to come up, I can stop, breathe, no longer accept myself as this thought and the emotions and feelings relative to this thought as I consistently stand to correct myself to walk out of this character once and for all until I stand corrected

I commit myself to not follow this thought as I know that it leads into the desire for comparison and competition to uphold the point that I am more deserving, better and that it should in fact have been me and could have been me..if only, instead I expose to myself the worthlessness of such train of thoughts to support myself to stop my existence in and as the Character of 'It could have been me/it should have been me' once and for all

I commit myself to stop myself from existing as the nastiness of comparison and competition and to stop justifying WHY I should compare myself to others just to make this 'one small point' as I see realize and understand that comparison is always about winning and the desire to win, belittling others to minimize my own experience of myself as diminished, worthless, not good enough and that this point shows me that it is the stopping of my own accepted and allowed self judgements that must take place through consistent breathing and NOT the comparison as the belittlement of others in any way shape or form, which is unacceptable

I commit myself to show myself that every time I engage within and as this thought and its derivatives, I am in fact not Here, because this thought lives in and off the Past, and when I am Here in and as Breath, there is nothing to compare myself to as I do not exist of the Past within the past but of Breath Here in and as the potential of Birthing myself as Life for myself and All of existence, Equal and One

I commit myself to remind myself consistently that The Past is Over, until I really get it, by consistently remind myself to come back HERE, to breathe as Life is HERE and The Past is Really, Really OVER.

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• Day 69: Perceptual Character Self Forgiveness Statements continued...

Day 99: Gossip and Back Chat Self Commitment

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into the commentary in my head relative to someone I have seen, spoken to, thought about, imagined, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that a commentary in my head is not supportive to others or myself, it's not aligned to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All and it is in fact an act of self abuse and abuse, as I participate within judgement, ideas and Opinions that stand in the way of me seeing another as myself, and of stopping the separation of myself from others as an idea I have grown used to, that is not Real

When and as I see myself desiring to comment out loud., wanting to express what is going on in my Secret Mind as a way to prove that I am honest and not hiding stuff, I stop, breathe, remind myself that there is no way to be honest if my starting point is what has been going on in me as the Mind, that I am just desiring to move into the Gossip Character to offload my backchat and that I do not need to do so in fact, I can instead breathe until the commentary stops, apply SF in my mind if I am in no position to speak it out loud until the energetic desire to participate in gossip, under whatever name I am attempting to give it, has subsided and when I speak I make sure I am clear and only share what concerns me

When and as I see myself desiring to bond, to get close to someone, I remind myself that this is the situation in which I will move into gossiping and 'sharing secrets' and that the desire to get close to someone 'out there' is just a sign that I am not yet close to myself that in fact I desire the self honest relationship with myself that I have denied myself while I busied myself with others and their 'businesses' as a distraction in fear of what I would find if I did take the time to look into myself in self honesty and that I can reassure myself that it is only FEAR and not Real and in fact standing in the way between me and finally getting to know me, getting close to me and stopping the desire to get close to someone else 'out there' 

When and as I see myself getting lost or about to engage the commentary in my head regarding another being, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that there is no honesty in my commentary as it has been built by Characters I have been interpreting that are not Real and have nothing of value to contribute but words to make myself as a Character more than others in fear of feeling less/diminished, instead I look at my desire to engage in this behavior, look for the cause and apply self forgiveness for having accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to another, which resulted in my desire to participate in the commentary that I was about to use to prove my superiority and the inferiority of another

When and as I see myself about to compare myself or inside the comparison game already, I stop, Breathe, remind myself that comparison and competition can only happen among Characters that live in Me as The Mind, as a database of experiences, ideas, beliefs and judgements is needed to be able to compare myself, instead I stop my comparison so I won't go into competition and then engage myself as the Gossip Backchat Character in the Hope to level the imaginary field I myself am creating and participating within

I commit myself to stop my existence as The Arrogant Character, to stop my participation in backchat and gossip, inward an outward, as I see realize and understand that every judgement is Self judgement and I no longer want to judge myself or others

I commit myself to consistently stop my backchats about others and when a thought arises that seems innocent, I stop, breathe, forgive my participation in such thought, keep breathing and walking until I accumulate breaths of Self correction to stop the existence of me as the Character of Arrogance, that fears diminishment while it seeks comparison just to win, fearing that the comparison is anyway going on in the minds of others, not seeing realizing and understanding that I only fear Myself as the creator of comparison and that I can stop and within this I commit myself to stop

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that comparison is useless and that it only leads to feelings of inadequacy and diminishment and to abuse as self abuse, and that a habit won't go away just because I wish it away, and so I commit myself to be diligent about keeping up the stopping, not feeding energy to this Character of Arrogance, so I may stand as the Self Directive principle of me as self correction to change myself inward and outward Equal and One

I commit myself to be patient with myself, to not judge myself to avoid denial of my Mind activities in fear of my own self judgement, instead I take myself by hand and commit to just keeping up the stopping, until the backchat and internal gossip about others stops, so I can stand clear and be an example of self honesty for myself, Oneness and Equality and What is best for All