Day 142: I'll name My Price All Right!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that only the things I don't enjoy doing should be paid, because if I am enjoying myself I am not Really working and I should not be paid for what I do

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that working must be a nuisance that we pretend to do as I have associate my grandma taking naps when she was working at home in the afternoon and asking me to 'lie about it' if her boss should call during nap time, with 'working' and what working is as something we should  default and rather take a nap, on the preference list of things to do

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, since I had negative judgements about napping because I was always forced in kindergarten and elementary school to take a nap, and even when I said "I don't want to", "I am not tired", I would be asked to lie down close my eyes and 'rest' and therefore turned napping into the ultimate waste of time and life, to then when I associated napping to being better than working, perceive work as something that I must dislike MORE than napping and therefore every time I enjoyed what did I could not  call it working and I should in fact, not be paid for it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that it was awkward that my mum would want to pay me for doing things I would have done for free, like swapping winter and summer closets at the end of the seasons because I had a neat and organized mind to carry out such works and enjoyed doing it, while she was attempting to teach me that what we do must be paid for, because this is how we sustain ourselves in this Money based world and yet every time I enjoyed what I was doing, I felt awkward to be paid for it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am strange because I actually enjoy everything I do once I start doing it, even caring for a home or cleaning but because I always had to justify why people paid me to do what I did, I started to pretend that working was hard and all consuming like it seemed for everyone else around me who talked and nagged about it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty when I enjoy something I am doing and I am paid for, because I believe that 'to be honest' I should not enjoy what I am doing since this is the reason why people are paying me and others for, to do what we don't enjoy doing, and that it is dishonest to in fact enjoy myself when I am paid to NOT enjoy myself because this is what work is

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when I am asked to 'Name my Price' I have to be careful to not ask too much because I could end up not doing what I enjoy doing, which is more or less everything and I have to be careful to not ask too much in case people resent my request and don't allow me to do what I enjoy doing for money

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate 'name your price' to prostitution, because this was the first mention on "women selling themselves" that I heard, which I have associated to everything I do for money that I would happily do for free but I can't because I need the money to live now, and so I have to reconcile with this work/money point because is a limitation that I am imposing on myself just because of a few oddities I have picked up along the way that I can let go to realign myself to be an effective human being within the system to do what is best for me as best for All as in overcoming my self imposed limitations

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, since I associated women on sale to being a bad thing as in prostitution, to not want and resist 'selling myself' for a job, instead of seeing and realizing that it was me judging and defining working as 'selling myself' and not as putting my labor in the system for money for now and then I will do the same for What is Best for All when the New System will allow it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge prostitution as 'bad' because I picked up on the raised eyebrows, judgements and resistance of people around me talking about it, instead of seeing that prostitution is in fact a very honest job, since it's the only job in which someone sells what they really own that has not been manufactured through slave/children labour or other abusive means and that the only thing that makes it unfortunate is that it is not a choice job as it is not chosen but is the last resort of women who have been left at the fringe of society without entry to the Money system that sell their body, because honestly, who would like to sell their body if one would have enough to live and provide for their family?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist "selling myself" in an attempt to not prostitute myself to this system of abuse, failing to see that at the moment we are all prostituting ourselves to live, because we have made this planet into a living Hell where Life is for Sale and no Life is for Free at the moment, not even the Elite's because they are enslaved to this system of Fear just as much as we are, as We Fear for our own survival and they Fear to lose what they have and have to Fear for their own survival

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to not have to 'name my price' but instead to have my price named for me, even though, due to my desire to NOT take responsibility for myself I had to face many times the point that no one can put my interest before theirs in a system of survival and that I myself do not put their interest before mine when I refuse to Name my price, I am just hoping that they will name a price High Enough for Me to be happy with so I won't have to face the point of 'naming my price' and how I experience myself within this point

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel disappointed when people 'named my price' and the price was too low and I felt devalued by their low offer for the price of me, because I have accepted and allowed myself to associate my worth to the amount of Money I can make/ earn as a 'living' in separation from myself as Self Worth, instead of seeing the simple point of giving a service/work I get paid for that has nothing to do with my worth or my value

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that 'living' means making money, because if I have to 'earn a living' than my living is equal and one to the amount of money I earn, instead of seeing and realizing no one can make a 'living' because we are already Alive, we are just going out to get the money we need to function within this system because it's practical and it's part of the self support we owe to ourselves in this Money based system that we now have to walk as the consequences of all the other stupid decision we made through eons of time that led us here

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imprint myself with all the 'make a living' bullshit that my family passed on to me, as a point of value I should seek for myself, instead of seeing and realizing that they were just passing on their fears that if I were not to become effective within the system I would not be able to live because we have turned this world into a Live or Let Die place, where Life is for Sale but we never want to just spell that point out right, because we fear to have to face what we created of this world so much, that we pass on the 7th generations fears to the children to teach them to fear the system and not being able to live without 'making a living', as none of these Fears have been resolved and transcended by the children caretakers themselves but just passed on through words of 'parental add-vice'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when asked to name my price, feel a tightening in my solar plexus, stop breathing as my mind jumps into all directions while I try to compare myself to what is available on the market, to who is asking, how much they can pay and how I should ask for it, instead of breathing and just stating my price that I believe to be fair for the excellent work that I know I can do, stopping seeking justifications through comparison to why I should be paid so much, because when I do I start the fault finding game to prove to myself that I am better/superior/more than others and that is why I deserve MORE than them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to justify how much I think is a fair price and the price I want for the work/service I give instead of seeing and realizing that if I have to justify myself is because I have doubts about deserving that amount for what I do, and that I always then FEAR that, since I cannot even justify to myself why I should earn more than another, because I went into the comparison game looking for reasons as to why the price I want to ask is right, and within that discovered many are paid much less and so somehow instead of seeing and realizing that is because we are all playing this game to the bottom trying to secure a job for ourselves out of fear of survival, that we have reduced the market place to a place where we are happy to take on slave jobs for nothing as we believe we have 'outsmarted' the competition by asking less, instead of all of us being Value Worth conscious as Self Value and Self Worth and holding our ground for what we are worth, which would have given birth to a complete different working game and not the slavery game we are now facing as the consequence of outsmarting each other in a race to the bottom

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I cannot 'name my price', and that I must be ashamed of the price I want to ask and who do I think I am wanting to be paid more than another, and yet if I did not compare myself to another and just asked what I saw as fair for what I do as a work or a service, I would not go through shame or guilt as I would be doing my own thing as what is best for All, because is certainly NOT best for All to race each other to the bottom, but would be best for All to see that we are worthy of good wages and a job we enjoy doing, otherwise we are becoming by our own doing the slave force of this capitalistic System, without even realizing we got where we got through our own fears and our own doing

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, when I am asked to 'name my price', move into fear, that godonlyknows, what if I name the 'wrongprice' as if there is such a thing as a wrong price and not just a price I have set, which is not wrong or right, and it doesn't become wrong even when someone refuses my request, it's just not a match to the budget they had for the position they wished to cover

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent men who were paid more than me, double than me and for secretly backchatting them to diminish them in my eyes, so I would not have to feel the experience of diminishment and of being worthless by comparison, instead of seeing and realizing that I never resented others but just myself for having 'named my price' so cheap just because I had hang ups about naming a Fair Price for what I do as work or services

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I don't get the price I want, I am worthless because, since I associated my worth and value with the money I can generate as a 'living' when my price is not met it means I do not have that worth and value any longer and now I have to go and seek value for myself somewhere else, which is one of the reasons why I dislike naming my price, instead of seeing and realizing that meeting my price has many factors attached to it that have nothing to do with me or my self worth and value, unless I give it up and invest my worth and value into an 'idea of Worth and value that is translated into a money number' that when is not met leaves me feeling worthless

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my work is priceless, which is in fact what happens when I am asked to name my price 'I am Price-less' as I believe my work is superior in every possible way due to the way my mind processes information and the work flow of operations in sequences of priorities that are unmatched by the people I have worked with so far, and yet wanting to be Price-less leaves me without a price to name when I am asked to name a price, which then leaves me feeling Worth-less as I tumble down from the Priceless Podium on which I had built myself within comparison and competition to the worthlessness of being Price-Less as Worth-Less

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that in a World where everything has a Price, being Price-Less is associated in my Mind with being Worth-Less, as I lack the Price tag to define me and place me where the system believes and insists I belong according to my Price Tag, which I am the Only One to name, and so as I accepted and allowed myself to believe it was the system allocating me, this was not true, it was me through my acceptance and allowance of my Worth as Price, which is why I resisted to 'name My price' in Fear that once I named it I was fucked into some system layers from which I would never be able to escape, failing to see I was the one doing the whole Role Playing as I sought for my worth and value outside of myself in separation from myself as the Price tag I did not want to name just out of FEAR

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to FEAR naming my Price, in Fear of my own definition of Myself and what I believed and though 'I was really Worth', instead of seeing and realizing I feared naming my price because I feared seeing that I had misplaced my Value and Worth onto a price Tag that I did not want to Name to Not see what is the worth and Value of me, according to ME

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that unless I am Price-Less, I am Worth-Less and yet the conundrum is quite clear, do I have a price for my work and services or not? Because if I am Price-Less then I Have to Work for Free, and yet I see realize and understand that this is NOT possible within this physical reality at the moment in the way things are set up, so I better pull myself together, stop being Price-Less so I can 'Name My Price' and be content with it when I engage in a new job or in giving a service/work for which I have clearly within myself set a Price for

When and as I see myself being asked to Name My Price and I feel the tightening in the solar plexus, I stop, breathe, remind myself that if I had not anticipated being asked and if I don't know what is offered and required of me it is acceptable to ask what would my services/work entail and then decide what price I am content with that I see as fair for myself, stopping to worry about If They will see it as fair as they will have their own responsibility to see what they can afford for what they are asking for and I have to see what I am willing to do for what price and without comparison to anything else, state My price

When and as I see myself trying to move into the Mind to find reasons why what I ask is fair, which is the step before I move into Comparison and Competition and attempt to bring everyone down to justify my higher worth and value, I stop, breathe, remind myself I no longer want to participate in comparison and competition and that My Price is not dependent on Comparison and Competition but on what I am willing to do for what price, without on the spot or later go comparing myself to other wages just to feel diminished if I discover someone earns more than me as in 'they are more valuable than me'

When and as I see myself desiring to compare 'values and worth' with others in the same business or in the same company, hoping to come out the winner, I stop, breathe, remind myself what a losing game comparison and competition is and I keep walking my self directive decision in self responsibility for the choices I made and the Price I myself named for my work and services

I commit myself to stop the comparison and competition game regarding the point of 'naming my price' as it is ME naming My price and so there is none else responsible for what I name as my Price once I am offered a job or required a service

I commit myself to assess what a job or a service entails before I Name my Price, so that a clear communication is exchanged about my potential role and the Money I ask for it, to avoid further misunderstanding or tensions down the line once I make a decision

I commit myself to walk my decision in self honesty and self responsibility, stopping the blame of others for having what I did not have the guts to ask for, and instead ask for what I want to have that I see as the fair price for the services and job I have been requested or offered

Related articles

• Day 88: Capitalism vs Socialism?
• Day 92: I Have to take care of MY People
• Day 93: Grey Populations and Hopes for Peace in Old Age going Dark
• 142. The Money Security-Bubble
• Day 142: Money and True Activism
• Day 145: Labor and Slavery
• Day 149: ACCUMULATION SECRETS of WEALTH
• Day 141: Name Your Price, Babe

Day 94: The Fearful Business Woman

Since I have considered selling this house, new business opportunity have come up for me to evaluate and consider.

Interesting because I don't have yet the Money in my pocket, yet the idea that I can soon or later get this money opens up a new world of choices.

Which is a point to consider when we insist that we live in a world of Free Choice without wanting to consider or admit that free Choice is related to how much Money one has in his/her pocket to buy The Choices they wish to participate in.

In this instance I saw that there is a Character that I have played in my Life relative to business, and that is The Fearful Business Woman, of course like all my Characters this one has a Cover Up too, which is the one that I have used to move within the business world, which is the Fear-less business woman, yet what I did with my fears I have just hid them and suppressed them and ended up living out my Fears within employments where I did not want to take the lead because the Fear that something might go had the best of me.

Instead I blamed men for having the positions of responsibility that went with the Money, even though when in my last job the day before I left the owner called me and told me he would double my already generous wage and give me full benefits I said NO, proud to be eating bread and pride, while I covered up the point that I did not want to step up to 'such a wage' because if I did, what if something went wrong under my watch ?

These days I have been looking into a project in Shanghai, a lady that went there since '98 brought to me a project to view and evaluate, I wrote out the feasibility study and realized all the points she had missed out and I had to discard the idea of cooperating in a partnership.

Which is one of the point of my Fearful Business woman character, I am always seeking for a partner in business, I fear taking the quantum leap into business by myself even though I know that I know what to do and how to do it, yet, the fear of being Alone in a business venture, with no one to share the Blame with if things go wrong is a point I have never faced and so I kept myself stuck into looking for partnerships that show me that I can do the job, STOP IT, just get on with it and when I write or research or put down projects, this Character is never there, it is within the backchat that arise when I put down the pen of me as practical physical application that I torment myself with doubts and remarks about 'who do you think you are' and 'if it was such a good idea someone else would have done it already', basically I trash myself around until I tremble at the idea of taking a road that I have clearly laid out for myself and that I know I could easily take all the way into a successful business venture...but what if I cant ?

Today as I walked I saw as well that it has to do with how I have lived my life, the 'Going with the Flow' Character vs the "I am the One Who decides", I am not yet familiar with Decisions vs Flows, I stand on the bridge of life living for me or me living, standing making a decision and then live it out beyond My Fears.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt that I can do what I know I can do because I am a woman and women who are good business people are very rare and why should I be one of them

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to listen to all the people that tell me that business is difficult and complicated when I have been part of a few start ups and saw that there is nothing difficult or complicated but it requires the consistency of applying oneself into well laid out directions and keep moving and that these things are said to discourage people from moving into the Money System where there isn't enough for everybody and everyone fears everyone entering the Money game

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that men are always in positions of responsibility/in charge so I then had to live out this belief and be the one not in charge because I am a woman

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need a Master in formal education to carry out a business successfully even though most of my successful bosses showed me that this is not true, but I discounted this point and justified it with the fact that for me it was different, because they were men and I am a woman

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that a woman must be twice as good and work twice as hard as a man, failing to see that holding such believes would only spur Competition within me to show the men that I was twice as good and worked twice as hard, while they left the office at 5 pm and I hated them for it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I hated the men who were above me that got away with half of my workload, without seeing and realizing I was the one who said that I should be twice as good equaling work twice as hard and I was just living out my own accepted and allowed script and belief

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate myself for working twice as hard for half of the wage of men who were on top of me without having my own 'merits' which were to work twice as hard for half the pay

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I hated men in business instead of seeing and realizing I hated myself because I secretly coveted having the position on top but I was too scared to go and get it, so I made up stories about the point that it was impossible for me to get it because, let's face it' I am a woman

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear moving into the business world by myself because I am a woman and I believed it would be best for me to have a partner, even though my grandma who was a head accountant always said that the only successful partnerships she saw were in odd number and below 2

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memory of when I failed a business when I was 21 with my best male friend that led me to lose the friendship for a few years, have to pay taxes for 2 years after closing down the company and to have to go to work as a governess in the house of rich people because I had a mortgage to repay and my mum thought that was my best option

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself when I failed at a business at 21 to believe that since I was 'not good or had shown that I did not have it in me to make sound decisions for myself' that I should go back to being told what to do by my mum because she showed that she survived in the system longer than me, which proved 'she knew what she was doing and was in charge'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel diminished because I worked at cleaning houses for 1 year to pay back my mortgage and keep my mother happy until I got tired, dismissed myself, disappeared and went below radar to not have to listen to my mother's nagging, put an ad in the newspaper and was offered 3 jobs just because I stood up, made a decision and went and lived it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when money was involved and some or all of it came from my mum I would have to give up all my rights, included a right to a dignified life, not seeing and realizing that I played out within the family system what the money system plays out in the macro, where everyone is supposed to give up their rights to a dignified life just because of Money, and within this I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed this 'rule' within the micro family system of my life that then played out in the macro system within the world systems

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to come back to Italy and revert back into a belief of my incompetence because my mum flashes to me the memory of when I was 21 and I failed in a business endeavour, blaming her for the flashing instead of taking responsibility for myself and for the memory of me that we share, clean up the memory as a 'failed business woman' and move on

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my mum to remind me of when I failed at a business venture at 21 as a way to keep myself locked into a sense of powerlessness and failure, so I won't have to venture out in the world and finally do what I enjoy doing, which is the set up and organization of a successful business, which I have done through the years in my life abroad, but away from my mother's eyes who never got a chance to upgrade her picture of me as a 'failed business woman' that I still conveniently use so as to not have to venture out into the world by myself, make decisions and make things happen

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I prefer to have someone above me to tell me what to do, so they have all the business risks, while I get the risk free life, without seeing and realizing that there are risks only when I move with the flow of which I am in fact not in control or in charge because I have not ever directed the flow, nor it is possible to, as the flow is taking the lead from my Mind who has shown to not be stable or sound in any way,  and that I should step out of the flow of and as the Mind and stand as the directive principle of myself to make myself effective in the business world because this is what I am good at, so I can get back into the system and start making money for myself and What is Best for All that I can support more effectively when making money than when I struggle with doubts and fears about myself and my future which keep me paralyzed and not living the life I want to live

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to pick and choose a business that is not abusive, which is just not possible within this system and is one of the point that I have used to not do anything at all while I waited for the perfect business opportunity to turn up, such as a humanitarian job or a no profit organization, failing to see that it is my judgement that I have expressed or thought about when I woke up and met Desteni and misunderstood much of the message as stop all abuses as if it was something that I could stop by stopping my participation in and as the system that we have become, failing to see that this is impossible at the moment and that I have to do what I have to do to make the money we need to bring this change about and that anything that stands between myself and doing what is best for all out of morality issues or my own judgements, ideas and opinions, I will weed it out until I stand stable and move effectively within this system of abuse from the inside to change the system as myself and What is best for All and stop all abuses for good

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have 'morality issues' and judgements about some jobs versus others, and for judging my idea about wines because I have realized that alcohol is not supportive to the body and so instead of standing as myself doing what is best for me as the body and what is best for all within the system, while I accept that for now people do drink wine and it is not for me to judge but to see which opportunities are available and where I can move effectively and then move, I have used a point of morality and allowed it to stand in the way between me and What is Best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I move into the wine business I am bad, because alcohol is bad and it should be banned, yet at the moment within this system of abuse alcohol is part of the play and I either play where I see opportunities to play or I can be self righteous and ineffective, so what is it going to be ? I decide to be effective as it is not to judge any part of the system but to change myself as the system and then the system overall until everything is aligned to what is best for all and if by then we decide to ban alcohol it will be banned but everyone will have their livelihood secured, including the people in the alcohol business at the moment

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide my fear behind my self righteous stand about what to do with my life, instead of saying, yes i have a fear of fucking up, so I can then remind myself that fear is NOT real and that I either believe it and succumb to it or I move through the fear once I have done my research and found my niche and then stand through my decision until I am effective about it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that 'if it was such a good idea someone else would have done it' just because I heard this sentence many times, yet it's proven that people who actually went and did things that were already in the air and talked about have just moved effectively through their fears until they did what they set themselves out to do, without listening to the fears of others that then become my/their fears, because we can see we live in a frightened world, and the blind cannot lead anyone out of the Mind of Fear into the safety of the Physical Here but it is a journey each one of us will have to walk by ourselves

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that when the question 'who do you think you are?' pops up, I have to find a good reply to define me, which is in fact what limits me into just one expression of myself to which I crucify myself through the desire of overcoming my fear of not knowing Who I am, instead of just seeing, I am the One who decides and keep moving.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I am arrogant and feel uncomfortable when I say or think "I am the One WHO decides' because the backchat start from there to show myself ALL the times in which I decided a good 'fuck all', or so it seems, while I can see I have decided it all through my acceptances and allowances, and that once I see this point clearly and see that I am responsible for everything that I lived throughout my life, then I am in fact the One Who decides, as I have seen that I was always the One who Decided, I just have to stop believing that life 'happened to me' and see that I happened to live, not consciously but still I was the One Who decided, even when I decided I was the One who would Fail and fuck it up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel powerless in the face of my life, when I did not understand or saw how my life was happening to me and within this powerlessness having accepted and allowed myself to believe what Forrest Gump said that "Life is like a box of Chocolate and You never know what you are gonna get' because this quote and similar highlight the point that we are in fact NOT in power and that at best we have to learn to accept what we are going to get, instead of seeing and realizing we got what we put in and created ourselves either through acceptances and allowances or by direct participation, yet we were always the Ones that decided

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I was NOT the One who decided, so I would NOT have to take responsibility for my Life, failing to see that it is only through self responsibility that we realize we were always the Ones that decided and then we can live in alignment with I am the One Who decides as self responsible aware Human beings


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being the One Who decides and for believing this fear to be real and who I really am, failing to see I am not my fears, unless I decide I am, because I am the One who decides and I decide to no longer live in and as Fear, Fear is NOT who I am


I commit myself to stop living the Character of the Fearful Business Woman and instead evaluate all points of a business, see the pros and cons of each possibility and niche, make a decision and walk my decision to completion


I commit myself to stop believing that once a failure always a failure, because I held myself hostage with a picture of myself failing at 21 and then having to go as a cleaner to keep up the gynormous mortage my mum suggested I signed, to give less interest to the banks' even though my mortage was 60% of my wage and with my mortage I signed up and away a potential for a life of misery and sacriices according to what my mum believe was 'the best thing to do'


I commit myself to stop allowing other people's opinion to affect me and my business plans /project, as I remind myself that every Opinion belongs to a Character, so I can either make up an Opinion to explain myself, which I commit myself to no longer do,while I commit myself to just walk myself into the script that I carefully lay out for myself and What is best for All


I commit myself to stop believing that a man has more chances in the business world, because this is just an Opinion and has no real relevance in the business world I have been a part of where many capable women are in charge of large businesses and nobody seems to mind their gender (except me when I am in Character and I want to give 'my Opinion')


I commit myself to place myself effectively within the World System, to ensure that I can at the best of my ability provide for myself and What is best for All, as I see realize and understand that I can play the role of the bread winner and that if I do not I am just giving up on myself and What is best for All and I commit myself to NOT DO THIS, to not give up on myself as What is best for ALL, but to keep walking my projects into completion to make money and contribute effectively to The Equal Money System project


I commit myself to breathe through My Fears of not being effective, as I see, realize and understand that I have always been effective when I have set myself to be effective and that the backchat and comments is something I can breathe through, until I stand stable in and as the decisions I make for myself and What is Best for All