Day 270: Cheap Goods - Containment/Contentment Tools

Within this system and how it was set up, to create perfect unscrupulous consumers whose only aim and reason to live would be to consume, we overlooked one point.

The point was, that as we squeezed the system from the bottom up, we left people with not enough cash to in fact do what they had been built and programmed to do: Consume.

It is no secret that wages have gone down in terms of buying power, when I was a kid people were able to buy homes, yes with a mortgage, but that did not mean that they were strangled into situations where they would have to choose between "eat or heat" as it is happening lately for example in Britain or choose between which child should receive an education or when one could go for surgery or dental care, there was enough to live and some -not much- to spare.


Now, imagine this, to begin to understand how we have been programmed into desiring experiences that would make us feel good, we have to wake up to the nasty truth that some have for long now understood human nature as programmable and how to programme it, either through fear, a feel bad experience- or a promise of a reward as a feel good experience. Please watch the linked documentaries, Human Resources and PsyWar to shed light on how it all began into the mass scale brainwashing all the way up to where we find ourselves today.

As a consequence of this programming, we could be enticed to 'desire' one experience vs another, hence we created marketing and advertisement to broadcast 'desirable or undesirable' experiences and once the desire existed, exploit the desire for commercial/profit purposes.

This is why when you see a yogurt on TV someone wants you to buy, it's usually in the hands of a half naked lady who is bending down to take it out of the fridge - are you after the yogurt, Hardly, you are after the lady, this is why she is there in the first place, watching the lady will generate a desire for THAT positive experience, so the next time you are in a supermarket having to choose between 100 yogurts, your mind will bring up the link to the 'positive/feel good experience' and you will AUTOMATICALLY choose what you have been programmed to buy. We are never buying products for what they are, we are after the experience that was promised, that is Human's Promised Land.

We exist as the sum of these desires for feel good experiences, every WORD inside of us is now linked to something that carries an energetic value, it's either + or -, and through this word a-maze-ment and Pictures - which are words in a dress- we are remote controlled.

It is not a chance that wars have become 'Freedom Fights', you'll fight for FREEDOM, you would not fight to kill innocent people though, but we do, because we allow our strings to be pulled continuously, consistently through WORDS and PICTURES, there is no Mind Control out there, the Mind Control we are subject to, is an Inside Job.

Now think abut a shrinking economy, imagine that those that designed the system 'forgot' that they could not squeeze the juice out of everyone that was PROGRAMMED to achieve their life goals and a sense of purpose through MONEY into a NO MONEY situation, yet Greed is a nasty beast, as they realized the extent of the successful programming they saw that people would accept ANYTHING if they made them FEAR that something BAD was going to happen to them -you'll lose your house, your job, your family, your children won't be able to have an education, your health will be jeopardized-, and while they kept going,  WE kept complying.

The interesting thing and maybe even overlooked result of this was that we accepted to work for a pittance in inhumane conditions just due to a state of programmed FEAR, that could be amped up or down like the volume on a TV set, we run on the fear of losing everything and not being able to sustain ourselves, our Lives, occasionally the system would offer some breaks -because any SYSTEM would break down when overloaded/overheated- through entertainment, showing the happy lives we could aspire to if we were not such dickheads, always shifting the blame on those that didn't make it -come on- with ALL the opportunities you have been given in this (FUN) FAIR world, what is wrong with YOU?

And as some pushed and we accepted, as some claimed superiority and we stood below in inferiority, as some claimed their rights above others and we gave up our Self responsibility for ourselves and the Whole as One, the money started to flow only in one direction, UPWARD, because some held all the energy in place, while we lost all of ours into ludicrous energy games, up and down, left and right, after divisive causes that The Empire has always promoted, Divide et Impera, from fear to worry, creating directly or participating in creating through acceptances and allowances, a world of Inequality and Misery, we turned ourselves into Cheap Goods, we went on Sale.

Disempowering Humanity could not though correct the consumer machine we had become and our drive(r)s and desire for positive experiences as GOODS to own and buy.

The Cheap goods market therefore came as an outlet, the world was sitting on a time bomb, WE were that time bomb, consumers without buying power, this is why a specific market to feed our drives had to be created, exploiting cheap labor was a need to keep an appearance of stability within our minds as well.
WE are the Cause of slave labor and therefore, inherently, its Solution.

Now we have reached a point of no return, the dis-empowered human that lies at the bottom of these plots on a pile of goods he never even needed, is finding out that there is no room to move, there is no way upward, there is no way downward, we are stuck in limbo Consumer-land, yes, occasionally a few attempts to nurture our ideas of 'fulfillment' are made, one of those was the introduction of Free Goods, small wins on an imaginary lottery tickets where we can hold on to the illusion of having made it, having gotten something for nothing HAHA, look at me, I am sooo clever.

But we are not, we are now jailed in a world where we have turned anything and everything into something to consume, on which we can place a value that is translated in Money and we are so lost down the Illusion Pipeline that we don't see the Biggest Scam that was ever made, we live to build up a Capital of printed vouchers that we call Money to then go on shopping sprees for goods we do not need, not built to last but just to appease the Consumer Monsters we have become. And we call this Life.

What if we woke up to the truth of How Money is not even real, of how we were all born with the same right to Life, with the same right to benefit from what is on the planet, with the same right to a life without FEAR, where Life is the Capital for All to Share and not the Capital Punishment we have inflicted on each other, as a way to give or prevent access to essential Life resources for All, all the way to Death.

There is only One Choice to make, Death or Life, death is everywhere, it's the left over from our crossing into the world, we have run this planet and each other like a Slot machine, Life is not here yet but in a promise within the Breath we all Equally share, Death or Life for All is the choice we are called to make. What's Yours?

Life for All @ Equal Money. Join us.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that we are worth what we own, that our worth is established by what we manage to accumulate, pile up, store away, to prove that we have played the game and were not left behind

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that going shopping is an up-lifting and a positive way to spend time vs the negative ways to spend time that underline that I do not have in fact access to all the resources that are available on the planet, but I am confined by my own beliefs into a limited space of movement within a system that designed from the start where I belonged and how far I could go given the 'numbers' I was born with and for accepting my con-finement as my reality, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that some who own more than others are worth more just because this planet is built and designed to cater to those who have higher numbers as their 'value tag' and that we had to accept things 'the way they are' because the world is unfair and we just have to make do with what we were given as our place within the system and not push for a change that would instead benefit All

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be imprinted by my grandmother's fairly tale that were designed to show me the inequality and unfairness of this system as 'the way things are' where powerful people abused the poor, were kids were left in orphanages and grew to become chimney sweepers at an age that would be considered 'child labor', were fathers stumped on their children sand castles to show them that 'life is unfair', and for accepting and allowing myself to internalize these stories of fear of the system as something that can exploit me because I am LESS than the system vs seeing myself one and equal to the system, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that we were the reason for the creation of a Cheap Goods market as an outlet for our imprinted Consumerist Drive that had to find ways to be expressed, because we could implode at anytime due to our own accepted and allowed beliefs that we are what we buy, we are what we can afford, and this drive had to be contained and rewarded to prevent the world from turning upside down

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to identify the problem of a Cheap Goods market as a creation of the Elite to benefit them alone, without seeing, realizing and understanding that without the existence of the middle class accepting to become the new poor, there would not have been a need to create a 'Cheap good markets' and for failing to see our responsibility and consequential outflows of allowing ourselves to be pushed into a situation of having no access to the Vital resource that we have allowed Money to become so that we would then turn around and abuse others in this never ending chain of exploitment,I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fail to see, realize and understand, that this system can only exist through the participation of all its pieces playing their part on whichever side of the polarity equation and that it is the responsibility of those that have an education -however frail- and can hear this message to stand up to no longer participate in self manipulation for consumerism, either through Fear or desire and that to stop our existence as fear and desire we have to walk a process of self correction, to walk out of the patterns we have created, accepted and allowed to stop the existence of ourselves as one of the polarities of this world, whichever that may be

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that this system is too big for me to take on because I stood in separation from it and not One and Equal to it, to bring about the correction of myself as the system for myself and all of existence Equal and One

I commit myself to stand for an Equal Money System, as a system that will address this point of separation, in which we pledge to support each other equally, as Equals, stopping our Mind Control in search for more of ourselves, in fear of not being enough.

I commit myself to breathe myself into a point of stability and unwavering support for an Equal Money System, which is what I would like for myself and have to give to All as mySelf, as Whole, as One, As Life.

Related articles

• Day 270: If you're Not Something then you're Nothing
• 304. You Are What You Can Afford
• Day 269: Humanity - The Living Money System
• Day 82: Who has earned the Right to Life?
• Day 220: Hope is a Deadly Disease with Long-term Effects
• Day 278: Equal Money Capitalism and the Law of Parsimony
• 305. Price System in Equal Money Capitalism

Day 268: $$$pirituality - Who is Cashing In?

Some of the things that are going on in the world are not invisible therefore our acceptance of their existence must be deliberate, maybe we want to NOT rock the boat in fear of something happening to us, maybe a lightening bolt could strike us down for our evilness and daring to point out the obvious as the real Motives behind Spirituality, one can never be too careful.

As I said before if you take a self honest look at this Spirit business, you can see all the signs of any religion, it's just a 'system upgrade', the Fear is still there and so are the rewards, it's Consumerism for the Soul, a great idea because for the body we had exhausted all consumerism avenues and why not move onto the Soul, the Soul -apparently - has its needs too and we can cater to it and charge good $$$, with the highest profit margin, mass manufacturing the invisible for those that seek it has no production costs, needs no hiring, no raw materials, no plant to manage, it's just a Money making machine with no headaches or maintenance required. Profit margin, the highest in any field, basically any Entrepreneur's idea of Heaven.

It's easy to see that commercializing the Soul would have to come from those who had embraced Consumerism to a degree that there was nothing else to manufacture stuff for, let's say the US, we had covered the lifestyles, the star signs, the names of birth, the gender, had successfully moved onto kids (watch the documentary Consuming children) and still some had been left out of the Greed game.

Aiming for a new 'original' market share could possibly have been the Flower Children, those that had not realized that they had joined a preplanned predesigned alternative movement for "Freedom of Expression", which was in fact remote controlled in all its aspects to give the illusion of 'a way out', something we have always longed for and never found, so far.

When those characters had to recycle themselves into the system, an avenue was required through which they could hold on to their self Image as 'different' and 'uninterested in wordily possessions', and holier than thou too - because the crack resulting from having to face the MONEY point and how they could NOT in fact live without it, would have been fatal.

So, a whole world of Spirit was born, look at the timeline, from 1964 to the 80s, when the New Age movement impacted the scene.

I was born in 1964 from one Flower Child parent, the other had to do the responsible parenting meaning going to work and making Money to support the family, while my father embraced "I'deals of Unity and Love, interestingly the parent who faced the Money point -my mother- ended up in the role of the one who gave real practical support to me, fed me, paid for my education, travels, my father adversely, the enlightened one, the detached one, the one for whom Money was Not Important, never an issue, as he cruised through Life piggybacking on people with Money or ending up working for friends who had successfully returned to the system, never supported me or my mother, incidentally the last time he spoke to my mother right after I got married, he asked her 1000 euro as a loan, and my mother who knew she would never get it back, said 'I will give you 500'. After that he, predictably, disappeared. 

Some could call this Ascension, he was just no longer available in the 3rd dimension.

My father would have made the perfect Spiritual Guru, he just was not dedicated enough to apply himself and for myself, having both DNAs, I turned out as a mixture of both, making money while seeking the Spirituality that would absolve me from it, because making money in this world is a dirty business, and the more you make, the dirtier it becomes. Unfortunately to get out of this mess we'll have to get all pretty down and dirty to position ourselves effectively to turn around the till in favour of a system that works for all, we have locked the system and the ones who should not participate in the Big Game -out, through a funny concept, Morality, pointing how wrong it is to want Money, seek it, desire it, covet it, all this preached by people who did nothing else but piling up the loot - and- funniest of all, we believed them.

The Gurus of today are just the New Age version of the Church, watch them on You Tube, see how deftly they refrain and avoid the Money talk, but don't be mistaken, they are LOADED, they are in every field of the New Age's Movement - from food, to meditation, to quantum hypothesis and make belief solutions, they will sway people with words they themselves can't explain, most of those talking about Quantum Mechanics haven't got a clue about it, they don't need to, they need to grab out of it the right words and line them up to make US believe that what they say makes sense at all.

One of the last videos I watched was of Wayne Dyer after cancer, a few of them had cancer and all of those described Cancer as what they had to experience to become even more enlightened, to know what others go through, failing to mention all their previous discourses about those with cancers and the reasons for manifesting that specific illness -or maybe believing Their Cancer was special, specially designed and delivered by the Highest forces to make them see something beyond the wealth of knowledge and information they had already accumulated. A gift in short.

To maintain he illusion of credibility they flock in groups, supporting each other's belief system and excuses about why this world is fine the way is, just because it works for them, denying the physical as an illusion in the face of those that are REALLY suffering and lacking, it's just embarrassing what we have elected to do under the label of Spirituality, it's not just a delusional spot in the mind of the preachers, it's a place to rent out, sell out, push to share with others from which we can get Money from, that we call Investment in this wonderful program for Wealth, for your Success, to unlock the secret to manifest all your desires - ending just like my father, crossing the desert in the Middle East with a Jewish friend and a backpack full of grapefruits - just so he would have a story to tell. The reality of a wife with a kid struggling to get to the end of the month to pay the debts he left behind while gambling did not touch him, he was all Love and Light before the Light shone bright in this world, the Money talk was beyond him, 'let them eat cake' if the bread is scarce.

There is One Power in this World, the one we work so hard to deny, that power is Money, there is nothing Spiritual about it, it's visible, tangible and powerful, none of the Spiritual teachers would ever let their Money go for the Gift of Consciousness, the CON is for us and so are the IOUs-ness in an Investment plan with the lowest return ever, we can say only the 1% of the Spiritual teachers make it into the Money game, because it's Elitism, it has just changed from a business suite to a Robe, but the Robbers have not. 

The name of the game is Greed, it was never meant to uplift Humanity or to create Solutions that work for All, because to be a Guru I must stand above and some must stand below, this will end when everyone will take their Equal Stand for themselves and All of Existence, Equal and One.

Stand up for All Life with an Equal Money System, One for Whole and the Whole for One.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to put my Faith and trust in con artists of the New Age as I sought to join groups that could absolve me from my responsibility for the Whole as Myself on my way to riches

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to lead myself through this world using emotions and feelings as my 'guidance system', going for what 'felt good' and protecting myself from what felt bad, without seeing and realizing that what felt bad was what I was supposed and programmed to not look at so I would not question this system of Abuse and Inequality and utter Injustice

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to admire my father because he was a 'free thinker' unbound by the world possessions unlike my mother who was always thinking about money, instead of seeing and realizing my mother had no other thought than money because she had to support herself and me within this system in which nothing else counts but Money as a result of what we accepted and allowed ourselves to create in separation from each other

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to look up at those spiritual gurus and teachers making them 'more than me' due to their achievement that I joined in pretending were spiritual in nature, when in fact I admired how they made money and got away with the guilt of it, by justifying their every action with a 'higher meaning' and a higher purpose' which was just a cover up for getting the money as a vital resource that should belong equally to all and not just be the domain of some

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to embrace spirituality and the belief that Money is not All as a teaching from people that did nothing else but sell books and produce merchandise to go with it that gave them Money, because I too wanted the Money guilt free and I admired them as leading experts in doing just that and wished to have my own slice of the pie

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear pointing out that there is something wrong with Spirituality if it doesn't consider what is best for all, because I feared that someone from my past would turn up and say that I was not against it when it worked for me and for feeling ashamed of who I have been within the teachings of Spirituality as my excuse to have more than others and shut out half of the world so I would not have to feel bad about it, I forgive myself

Related articles

• Day 256: When the Negative is Positive in Secret Geometry - ADC - Part 103
• Day 258: Vampires in the Soul of Sacred Geometry - ADC - Part 105
• Day 251: ESP and God - ADC - Part 98
• Day 298: The Power of Intent
• Day 299: I Refused Enlightenment
• Day 268: Drawing the Line
• A message to the Spiritual people - Day 287
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Day 252: My Near-Life Experiences

I have noticed that sometimes when I hop into my Mind it is because I don't have the patience to just be Here and Breathe. Breathing Here doesn't seem so much fun or so much of "an experience", nothing happens, I am just Here breathing, so what?

And yet this is how we were born, Here, Breathing, seemed good enough at birth to take our First Breath, we gasped for it, people around a new born get frantic when they are not breathing, no one tries to have them engaged in Mind Games, we get it, without Breath there is No Life.

So the idea of Breathing Here being Not Enough must be sold to us as we grow up to have us all participate in this system, we are sold the idea that Life is the buying of experiences for oneself, possibly the best available experiences, the most exclusive-not just any experience and we are kept 'buying' through the FEAR of the other kind of Experiences we could be having without Money, so we make sure we'll do whatever it takes to get our hands on the Money that will allow us to buy a Life of MEANingful experiences, this is what keeps the system of Consumerism going, we seek for experiences outside of ourselves to define ourselves, to give MEANing to Life, because we have made Life itself into nothing and into Not Enough and hence we have condemned ourselves to this search for Real Life into delusions of our Minds, mistaking Life for emotional experiences where we 'feel something' like we 'feel alive' because if we don't 'feel alive' we must be dead.

It's weird that we could believe such thing, because we are here, alive, breathing, but if being here breathing is Not Enough, if we made it not Enough, we then set out on an impossible search that at best leads to unhappiness and at worse to grave mental problems as we compare our Life experiences - that we mistook for life- with the ones advertised or trumpeted in Hollywood Movies or books written for the purpose to show us what life should be and why we should engage ourselves to make it one of Those ways, if we want to be successful and make it and basically, Be Alive.

So, one point I see for myself is how I seek the Mind to validate the point that I am Alive by giving myself something 'to feel' about, which is not relevant in which direction, even fear will do, all it's better than the Nothingness of Breath, when in fact it's me that defined Breath as Nothing and Life something I have to buy for myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that the Physical reality is boring and that spending time in my Mind is way more exciting than just living in and as Breath

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to buy into Ideas and Believes about Life being the sum of my experiences and as such for living seeking for the next experience, planning the next experience, remembering the last experience I enjoyed, turning the here breathing into something boring, obnoxious, too slow to be bearable, when in my mind I could be racing into many different experiences at once, while in breath I would have to walk myself breath by breath into anything I set out to do in and as the physical and I believed I didn't have the patience for it

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don't have the patience to Breathe and be Here in and as Breath, as that would mean I don't have the patience to be Alive and for accepting and allowing myself to define living as the experiences of me as the Mind of memories, thoughts, emotions and feelings, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when walking and breathing think 'this is boring, this is not enough' and then give myself license to get off into my mind to just entertain myself with planning future experiences, remembering past experiences, all the while accepting and allowing myself to believe that breathing Here is Not Enough, not good enough, not exciting enough, boring and for turning Life as Breath into a boring "activity" because there is no energetic experience for me to ride, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that this is a process and that if it came 'natural' to me to just breathe and stop my participation in the Mind, I wouldn't be stuck in and as the Mind as the result of a process of accumulation of beliefs about what Life is as an energetic experience, and that I will have to live the patience to keep bringing myself back to breath in the face of the perception of being 'unnatural' to be out of my Mind, because I see realize and understand that I have always and only lived as the Mind and it will take time to accumulate breathing into who I am as stable self directive principle

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel discouraged because I only last a few breaths before some thought catches my attention and off I go, only to catch myself not breathing yet again and having to push myself back to breathing and out of the Mind just because the Mind is the place I am most familiar with and I dread having to walk away from my comfort zone and learn a new way to exist

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to buy for myself the experience of Life, which is what makes me feel unable to move when I don't have money

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that Life is an experience I have to buy for myself and that if I can't buy for myself the experiences I have imagined were the ones I had to shoot for to give my life a meaning and a purpose, then I am not even alive but idle, waiting for the experiences I have defined as Life to manifest while I miss out on being here in Breath because I accepted and allowed myself to define Life as Breathing as Not Enough

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to sell myself as Breath out for the purpose of gaining energy experiences in and as the Mind, where I could be the imaginary Characters of my own play, instead of walking consistently to build myself into Life in and as the Physical as the realignment to Oneness and Equality for myself and All of Existence, Equal and One

When and as I see myself becoming fidgeting because 'I am just breathing', I stop, bring myself back into the physical, see realize and understand that this is a process and as it took me time to build myself into Characters in and as the Mind that feed off energetic charges, I will have to walk in time as Breath to be able to appreciate the simplicity of Life as Breath vs Life as Near Life experiences that were sold to me and I bought to make myself more than just Breath

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into boredom, I see realize and understand it is me as the Mind seeking for an energetic experience and that I have a choice to not participate and validate the Mind as the Superior Experience vs Life Here in and as Breath and that it is the sum of these choices in which I will choose Life over the Mind that will build my stability as I keep bringing myself back here consistently until I am One and Equal to Breath

I commit myself to identify the points I have given power to as me as The Mind to take myself back from each one through Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application until I can stand in and as the stability of Breath, for myself and All of Existence Equal and One.

Related articles

• Day 198 - Day 5 - Forgetting the Breath
• Day 204 - Patience and the Breath - Day 11
• 163 - Miss Breath and Miss Opportunity
• Day 201 - We're All the Same - We All Breathe - Day 8
• Day 252: Awareness of the Law and God - ADC - Part 99

Day 227: Love IS Fear, make no Mistakes.

I am spending lots of time with my student who is 18 years old, some days up to 7 hours, and today the topic of Love came up following the documentary 'The Trap' that we were watching together for his listening skills.

A few interesting things happened as we watched psychologists trying to delve into the Human Mind, one was that he became uncomfortable and said 'I don't see the point of doing all this digging instead of accepting we'll never be perfect because it's just Human Nature'.

Our chat started on these lines, it's interesting that lately we have spent lots of time together, hours for which I don't charge him because we don't just do English but end up chatting away about his life and what he is going through as he has been lonely lately and at odds with himself and since he enjoys staying here I am assuming this is where I need to be as physical support to someone as one with me, as I would like to receive it, would have liked to receive it, when I was growing up in confusion and turmoil at his same age.

On this point of not charging him today my mum made a joke about how 'clever' he is to get "therapy" for free and how 'silly ' I am to give my time for free, because time is Money and the fact that I am not suspending a Money related activity to support him but just diverting time I would spend on the Internet NOT making money, it's still a nagging point, such is life and how we have come to monetize everything we do with each other, for each other, how uncool is that?

Those chats are of great assistance for me as well, as I notice how I either cruise now through a past potential reaction trigger unfazed or I feel the slight reaction coming up, which happened today.

The reaction was about Love, as I said he is a student of classical studies and so by his 18 year of age he has already solidified an opinion about Love, from classical writings such as Greek tragedies of Gods and Goddesses, or books and movies about what Love is and, due to how we keep passing on our own demented views of the world to children, he lost quite a bit of common sense thanks to system and family indoctrination, a spice of religion and adding to this lot, our 'Love' Culture as Italians, the end result doesn't turn the topic into an easy one.

I offered the question 'Is Love Fear?', as we looked at the dynamics of the documentary 'The Trap' that sent him into reactions, which was specifically the point were Family dynamics were questioned as secret Mind games for Power and Control and so we went looking at how love manifests within family relationships, the biggest point that came up in our interaction was not the denial of Love as fear, but the acceptance that Love without FEAR wouldn't be Love somehow, because how do parents demonstrate their Love for their children unless they insist on warnings and worries, how would the children KNOW they are loved?

The second point was 'Can Love be defined objectively?" such as a glass, we may like it or not but a glass is a glass and we may come to an agreement on its definition, a thing that we cannot do about Love since is a subjective make belief experience which usually is best described with 'I can't explain'.

I found this image on Internet as I looked for a picture for the Blog, what stroke me was how I have never experienced Love as it is represented on the Left but in my Mind alone, in fact even this past week when 'Love' came back up in my life as a possibility, so to speak, the first thing I felt was excitement, which is what we connect with Love in fact, but on further digging in self honesty, the excitement was nothing more than Fear, I moved into the fear that I would allow myself to fuck with myself about it and as I have taken off the pink glasses, quite frankly, there was nothing cool or exciting about it, the excitement was a friction I experienced, I felt tense and not relaxed as the chart says and looking back I always mistook this 'tension' for excitement as a 'positive experience' as Love, when in fact I was living most of what is written on the above table on the right, trying to control myself, self judgement, trying to be better than, as in competing for that special place and then when all else failed, destroy it all. 

So the only true thing I saw from this chart is, that on the left there is what we Imagine and like to believe 'Love Is', but it's non physical but Spiritual AKA Mental and then when we try and drag that mental experience in the physical we are left with the truth of how much the experience of Love is about Fear, because in the seeking of Love I am already in separation, in self judgement, in competition as I turn this 'thing as an experience that I must have' into just another Consumerism product I must have access to, hence I build up tension to get there, to get what is not available for all, to get what I must strive for, reach for and as I move away from Me and increase the Gap, the friction I experience increases and the dream is never delivered, Love is basically, in one word and in its best form, Eternally ELUSIVE, it's not meant to be lived but longed for, desired, craved, because when it moves from the Mental (spiritual) to the Physical, the construct doesn't Hold and everything breaks in one million tiny pieces beyond repair.

As I walk those points of 'Love' for myself and what it meant in my Life, and as I realize that unless Love has a physical application of support where the participants are both improved, expanded and have chances to grow and self realize as Life, then Love is really nothing at all, but a self serving Mind/Emotional game.

My point of reaction was when he told me 'You hold a negative view about love and that such a pessimistic view would be something I would rather never embrace - no matter the reality of it' and as he spoke those lines I perceived myself drifting away looking to justify my negative/bleak view on Love because I perceived the departing from my culture to such a point that I felt diminished and went into fear of judgement as a lunatic and, interestingly, as someone not in touch with 'reality'. 

What was cool was that I did not do that, as justifying why I am not negative, as I saw and realized in the moment that those were my own judgements and fears, but stuck to the physical practical explanation of the application of love as support, as an unconditional presence as something that is tangible and takes place in physical reality vs what goes on in our minds where we don't even require another to participate or even worse, we resent another participating and standing in the way of our 'loving feelings' even when they are the apparent reason for them and we could come to a mutual understanding that didn't leave uncomfortability as misunderstandings as I avoided pushing for my own knowledge to be driven home but stuck to what I have self realized as I walk this point.

In this I assisted myself with what Bernard once said, that humbleness is to set aside your desire to be right or to tell someone they are wrong because you see in that moment that your support to them is more important than making a point, and this was a cool example I lived today for myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react to what my mother said about time and money, not because of what she said, but because I myself had gone into my Mind evaluating the point that I spend so much time with this boy for which I am not rewarded, but since I did not like this thought to be me thinking such things, I suppressed it and denied, only to have my mother say it our loud and then feel pissed at her, wondering why did she have to mention that since then I would have to look at that point and take responsibility for how I have monetized everything about myself and this existence to the point that I equate my time with money, no matter the fact that I am not in fact 'losing money' but still my time has a Money value I have assigned to it since I was working and since I  have been asked to give my time for money when I was a young kid to help around the house, and for feeling ashamed that I have accepted and allowed myself to live time equal to money and as such live a system of credit and debits relative to the time I give 'freely' to others I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when my mum made that joke and I felt stupid and silly for NOT charging for my time, to reply that I had been given a Christmas cake, which of course just added fuel to the already compounded suppressed thoughts and my desire to believe I am not such a person to monetize everything I do, and for desiring to justify myself so I would stop the self judgement of myself as silly, not business minded enough, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when my students overstays, catch myself going into my mind calculating my time x money equation and then, instead of dealing with why this thoughts come up, pop up just because I feel ashamed of them, suppress them as if they were not my thoughts and then justify them as in 'everyone's gotta make a living' when in fact I am just trying to stop the shame without correcting the point, and for feeling ashamed of myself for what I have become relative to Money and Time I forgive myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgements of others of me as a lunatic out of touch with reality for walking myself out of the Love Construct as if I lost something of myself that I can never get back, and for not seeing, realizing and understanding that I in fact fear my own self judgement as having done a terrible thing, having betrayed my 'loving' Culture for Life, because this is the premise of a CULT, to not allow the space for anyone to move out of it and as I am practicing self correcting myself on this point I have activated the CULT defense mechanism to make sure I don't change as I fear who will I be if I will give up the chance to Love and be Loved forever

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when my student said basically that 'I am sad' to react within with a sense of diminishment, wanting to justify and explain why I am NOT sad as in a sad old lost soul who has given up all dreams such as 'Love' to get real and what's the point of it, who was I harming with a bit of Love, instead of seeing and realizing that I still resist the complete let go of this construct as I fear having to face the LOSS of such a big important part of my Life that I have used to define myself and to separate myself from others

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear to see the similarities between my feelings of "Love' and my feelings of 'FEAR' because when and if I did, this game would be over for good and since I defined myself with lines such as 'you are nobody til somebody loves you' you are my everything, my life, my soul' then I feared that I would have to face the nothingness of me beyond my chance to be loved/love again, because I did give up the loving, but not the hoping and for hoping that Love would rescue me from myself, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to live Love in and as fear, fearing to lose the excitement, the perceived More-ness of me as the experience I lived when I did allow myself to move into this construct I have myself created, instead of seeing realizing and understanding that Love can only be Real when it's me as Love including everything as Life, and not an 'experience' of energy as a positive/negative experience, but a stable physical application of myself to give as I would like to receive and to push myself beyond my limitations such as mind constructs to realign myself to Oneness and Equality and what is best for All.

 

Related articles

• Day 222: You are Nobody Till Somebody Loves You - Character
• Day 223: Unloved, Now What? Return to Self
• Day 224: "Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Babe".. Joke!
• Day 225: Free The Slave 4 Love.
• Day 227: Ain't Ye All Gods? - ADC - Part 73
• Day 101 - Fear of Myself

Day 144: Deleting the Hatchet Consultant/Director

Deleting:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a Character that wants to get rid of inept people at work because they stand in the way of the Company performance

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge people as The Money System, as in profitable or not profitable and for desiring to trash all the non profitable ones

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the value of a being at work is related to how he performs and that when he under-performs or when I have an opinion about his/her lazy attitude they should be trashed because they are of no use to the system as efficient cogs in the machine, instead of seeing that we All have Equal value as Life and no one should be trashed out of their lifeline because they have not aligned to 'system requirements'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that people must perform 'well' at work to be of any value because the ones that did not were discarded and I feared being discarded and trashed and experiencing myself as devalued

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that some people who are incompetent and arrogant should just be kicked out of a company, instead of seeing and realizing they have become arrogant because they are incompetent and they fear to lose their jobs and their right to live as a job within this system means the ability to make money and buy one's place within the system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being labeled as arrogant and incompetent, especially if the two are paired together

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make up my mind about people and how they work and once I have made up my mind about their ineptitude I just look for proofs that they are inept beyond repair and they have to be disposed, because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a good manager gets rid of the dead weight inside a company to gain the respect of other employees who are carrying some of the dead weight's workload

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I don't care to be hated at work, when in fact I desire to be loved and one way I go about it is to trash and throw out of the company the people that I see have become a source of discontent, because it would require more time for me to help and support them to correct themselves within a working environment for which I perceive I am responsible and because I believe that people 'just don't change'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, once I step into the Hatchet Consultant Character, just no longer see any common sense, such as, can this guy/lady make a living out of here or should we keep him/her because he can't make a living and help and support him/her to find a way to give his best even within a tedious routine oriented environment, because this is what we are working with at the moment and unless he/she aligns with it he/she will have to leave, if not through me, through someone above me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel irritated once I have made up my mind as the Hatchet Character about somebody and the time for 'off with the head' has come, if someone at the last moment steps in in their defence, and to perceive this movement as a betrayal as in something personal against me and my authority "what do you mean, I am doing this FOR YOU as well, why are YOU doing this to me?"

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel uneasy about thinking to throw someone out of the company and for seeing that I could just step into my Hatchet Director Character where all guilt goes away, because I am just doing my job and there is nobody that can save such a dumbass from himself/herself if at his/her age he has not yet understood how to toe the line and carry his share of the shitload

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent the ones that resist leaving the company once I have decided they should no longer be there, because come on, you know what YOU are doing, and NOT doing that is creating this situation, so why are you resisting the inevitable, instead of just packing your things and leaving and maybe start afresh in a new job, ah yes, you are resisting because this job is your only chance to live, too bad, you created this for yourself, move along, we have work to do here

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire that once I have identified someone to be hatched when I move into a company, that they too should agree with me, making my job less unpleasant, because I don't like getting rid of people who need a job to live and who have a family, and so I have to force myself to not think about these points or the difficulties he/she may encounter once out of the company, because I am just doing my job

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a Hatchet Consultant Character, as I saw that people's jobs were not guaranteed and there was nothing safe in this world, and it was better to cross the line and move among the ones that do the Hatching than be among the ones Hatched, so basically I created this Character out of Fear of one day losing my job

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become possessed by the Hatchet Character, in which times I cannot hear any reason or have no Self Will to stop myself to consider the other person because I have launched myself into a mission, Hatching, and whatever follows afterward is of no relevance to me because I have made up my mind, meaning I am in full possession as the Hatchet Consultant/Director

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that, if I do the Hatching of the dead weights once I step into the Company, I will get respect and will promote a fearful situation where people will fear to lose their job around me if they under-perform or are just lazy bums and everything will run more smoothly for everybody

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that promoting Fear among the People who need a job to 'make a living' is an act of cruelty and that if I am in a position of leadership I should promote a Fear Free environment as what is best for All, as in no one is left behind as the assurance that everyone's job is in fact guaranteed, and help and support the ones who are slower or less efficient to catch up so that they won't lose their jobs by my hand or by someone above me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that having respect in the workplace is important and that whatever I need to do to get that respect is acceptable, because one needs "respect" to manage other people and since 'respect' is a working tool I am justified in what I have to do to get unconditional respect as a tool to operate smoothly within the company

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Respect is best and most easily obtained through Fear, because my mother used Fear to get my respect and I actually did not respected her but hated her quietly and suppressed everything inside pretending respect to stay out of trouble

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to repeat my family's behaviour and opinions and delusions about 'respect' and how to get it and for dreading not having it from the people I was supposed to manage, because how can I manage without respect?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that we need 'respect' for management, which basically is an admission of inferiority that I try to balance out while I stand in the company hierarchy as above/superior and so demanding by the Right of the Hierarchy to be respected as More and Above and not One and Equal to all the workers within the company

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that leadership means being MORE and Above others, because one leads from the front and who is in front is first, the winner and the others are just the losers who have to tag along on the road that I design for them to walk on

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge people as more or less according to how much money they make and what position they cover within a company's hierarchical chart

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see everyone as an Equal because I bought into the idea that some people are more important than others within a company according to how much money they make and the position they cover, because we are not all born equals and we are not equals anywhere and a Boss is more than an employee, it's obvious or he/she would not be The Boss

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tell my staff 'don't call me Boss' playing out a fake Equality which was clearly never there, because the Hatchet Character believes she has the right of life and death over people and their jobs and their right to 'make a living/surviving in the system'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to secretly enjoy when my staff called me Boss and to enjoy as well telling them to not call me Boss as an Act of Grandeur, as I gave up -apparently-my right to superiority and power for fake Equality as a point of Value

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in fear of losing a job, since I was once fired when I was 17 and run away to Ireland and they offered me a job in a Fish and Chips shop, and I stole chocolate because I believed they paid me shit and I was entitled to at least have access to the chocolate bars as a compensation, and when it fell from my pockets as I was going out and I faced that moment of utter shame, I decided I was never going to feel that way again and I would do anything in my power to grow to the other side of the power line to never ever be in a position to be laid off and experience myself the same way again

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, since I suppressed this memory as far as possible to never relive the shame and guilt I felt, not remember or see that whenever I would do this to another I would in fact subject them to the same guilt and shame, and yet I did not care because the point was always that I should never experience myself that way, the others, if by their age have not managed to catch up and work out the system, they could fuck off

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live one and equal to the shame and guilt of that moment in which I was found out for stealing chocolate bars, not because I stole, but because I became exposed and could not deny that I did steal the chocolate bars or explain why I got to the point of feeling entitled because I was overworked and paid peanuts in a shitty job and so I was left with my shame and guilt I chocked back all the way until I got back home

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make up stories about why I was right and they were wrong to lay me off, because they should have seen that I deserved more money or chocolate bars in the lieu of money, instead they kept pulling the rope until it broke, instead of owning up to the fact that I should have asked for what I thought I deserved and not bottle up just to come to a point of entitlement in my own mind in which there was no reasonable doubt that I in fact was not stealing but squaring the books, except when the owner of the fish and chip shop looked at the fallen chocolate bars and then at me like 'what the fuck were you thinking?'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when something proves me wrong, I have to make up a story to prove me right, instead of seeing and realizing how it was that I drove myself to the point of entitlement, which is a pattern I have lived out again and again that even though I did not play out in the same way, left me feeling the same, frustrated, overworked and underpaid, until I would leave my jobs , no mater what they offered me to stay because I always took the point that 'they did not give me what I deserved' as Their fault and Not my responsibility to state my price clearly and not rely on others to read my Mind or to guesstimate what value I have in Mind that would make me feel justly paid, that I don't wish to communicate

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do to others what I did not enjoy done onto me, stepping into a company just to revamp it and redesigning logistics and responsibilities and within this believing that it was my duty to get rid of the dead weight, while I kept playing out the reversal of my moment of shame and guilt, trying to get even with the world so I would no longer be the only one carrying such shame and guilt, all done through a Character, the Hatchet, because if I would stop and see the consequences into other people lives I would have made different decisions both about the words I spoke and about the stand I took to reduce the useless and inept staff

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that what I did showed my strength as a woman, that they should not fuck with us since we had more balls than all the men within a company that wanted, wished some staff fired but did not have the balls to do it, but I did, failing to see that maybe the men for whom their identity is so invested in their careers, just did not want to do to others what was unbearable for them which made me in fact the only one wanting people out of companies into the street, so I could even out the book from when I perceived myself as bad, to now perceiving myself as good as in having the kind of power that makes or break someone's present and future.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to carry my Hatching deeds or prospect Hatching deeds as a badge of honour that proved I was one not to fuck with at work, instead of seeing and realizing I had just slipped into Corporatism and Capitalism up to my neck, believing and accepting that Money is more important and above Life, because around me my Life was never respected, but when I had money in my pocket All games changed and so Money was obviously More Powerful/Important than Life, because without Money you die, oops, even without Life you Die, in fact when you no longer have a physical body that is when you are really dead and Gone, I just did not see it that way at the time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that some people that I have pushed out of a company or just compensated and asked them to leave, just asked for it, deserved it, just because they were slow and did not get how it is to become efficient in the system so your job is secured, and for never developing the mercy to see that in a system where Job=Money and Money=Life, it would have been my responsibility to stand in and as support instead of in and as the hand that severed their lifeline to the system

I commit myself to delete the Hatchet Consultant Character because it doesn't support Life or What is best for All

I commit myself to, if I should ever cover such a position of Power again, investigate all ways through which I can support and help someone to grow enough to hold his place effectively within the system, not by doing their jobs and creating credits for myself inside of me, but by helping them to see how we work on timelines and priorities regarding production and organization, to share my knowledge regarding office efficiency without reserve and unconditionally until the other person can walk the point effectively by themselves

I commit myself to support All Life, within and without the working environment, by walking my Path of Self Correction to realign to Oneness and Equality and What is best for All

I commit myself to, if I should see that this Character still exists and My Mind offers me to step into it in full gear, to stop, Breathe, remind myself that as this Character I have nothing of value or worth to share or give or Breathe into existence, so I keep my mouth shut and Breathe myself back into the Physical and I commit myself to not speak until I am sure I have no reactions or links to this Character and if need be, to reopen this File until this Character is forever deleted, for myself as Life and All of Existence, Equal and One.

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• Day 150: Matrix of FLESH is SELF
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