Day 227: Love IS Fear, make no Mistakes.

I am spending lots of time with my student who is 18 years old, some days up to 7 hours, and today the topic of Love came up following the documentary 'The Trap' that we were watching together for his listening skills.

A few interesting things happened as we watched psychologists trying to delve into the Human Mind, one was that he became uncomfortable and said 'I don't see the point of doing all this digging instead of accepting we'll never be perfect because it's just Human Nature'.

Our chat started on these lines, it's interesting that lately we have spent lots of time together, hours for which I don't charge him because we don't just do English but end up chatting away about his life and what he is going through as he has been lonely lately and at odds with himself and since he enjoys staying here I am assuming this is where I need to be as physical support to someone as one with me, as I would like to receive it, would have liked to receive it, when I was growing up in confusion and turmoil at his same age.

On this point of not charging him today my mum made a joke about how 'clever' he is to get "therapy" for free and how 'silly ' I am to give my time for free, because time is Money and the fact that I am not suspending a Money related activity to support him but just diverting time I would spend on the Internet NOT making money, it's still a nagging point, such is life and how we have come to monetize everything we do with each other, for each other, how uncool is that?

Those chats are of great assistance for me as well, as I notice how I either cruise now through a past potential reaction trigger unfazed or I feel the slight reaction coming up, which happened today.

The reaction was about Love, as I said he is a student of classical studies and so by his 18 year of age he has already solidified an opinion about Love, from classical writings such as Greek tragedies of Gods and Goddesses, or books and movies about what Love is and, due to how we keep passing on our own demented views of the world to children, he lost quite a bit of common sense thanks to system and family indoctrination, a spice of religion and adding to this lot, our 'Love' Culture as Italians, the end result doesn't turn the topic into an easy one.

I offered the question 'Is Love Fear?', as we looked at the dynamics of the documentary 'The Trap' that sent him into reactions, which was specifically the point were Family dynamics were questioned as secret Mind games for Power and Control and so we went looking at how love manifests within family relationships, the biggest point that came up in our interaction was not the denial of Love as fear, but the acceptance that Love without FEAR wouldn't be Love somehow, because how do parents demonstrate their Love for their children unless they insist on warnings and worries, how would the children KNOW they are loved?

The second point was 'Can Love be defined objectively?" such as a glass, we may like it or not but a glass is a glass and we may come to an agreement on its definition, a thing that we cannot do about Love since is a subjective make belief experience which usually is best described with 'I can't explain'.

I found this image on Internet as I looked for a picture for the Blog, what stroke me was how I have never experienced Love as it is represented on the Left but in my Mind alone, in fact even this past week when 'Love' came back up in my life as a possibility, so to speak, the first thing I felt was excitement, which is what we connect with Love in fact, but on further digging in self honesty, the excitement was nothing more than Fear, I moved into the fear that I would allow myself to fuck with myself about it and as I have taken off the pink glasses, quite frankly, there was nothing cool or exciting about it, the excitement was a friction I experienced, I felt tense and not relaxed as the chart says and looking back I always mistook this 'tension' for excitement as a 'positive experience' as Love, when in fact I was living most of what is written on the above table on the right, trying to control myself, self judgement, trying to be better than, as in competing for that special place and then when all else failed, destroy it all. 

So the only true thing I saw from this chart is, that on the left there is what we Imagine and like to believe 'Love Is', but it's non physical but Spiritual AKA Mental and then when we try and drag that mental experience in the physical we are left with the truth of how much the experience of Love is about Fear, because in the seeking of Love I am already in separation, in self judgement, in competition as I turn this 'thing as an experience that I must have' into just another Consumerism product I must have access to, hence I build up tension to get there, to get what is not available for all, to get what I must strive for, reach for and as I move away from Me and increase the Gap, the friction I experience increases and the dream is never delivered, Love is basically, in one word and in its best form, Eternally ELUSIVE, it's not meant to be lived but longed for, desired, craved, because when it moves from the Mental (spiritual) to the Physical, the construct doesn't Hold and everything breaks in one million tiny pieces beyond repair.

As I walk those points of 'Love' for myself and what it meant in my Life, and as I realize that unless Love has a physical application of support where the participants are both improved, expanded and have chances to grow and self realize as Life, then Love is really nothing at all, but a self serving Mind/Emotional game.

My point of reaction was when he told me 'You hold a negative view about love and that such a pessimistic view would be something I would rather never embrace - no matter the reality of it' and as he spoke those lines I perceived myself drifting away looking to justify my negative/bleak view on Love because I perceived the departing from my culture to such a point that I felt diminished and went into fear of judgement as a lunatic and, interestingly, as someone not in touch with 'reality'. 

What was cool was that I did not do that, as justifying why I am not negative, as I saw and realized in the moment that those were my own judgements and fears, but stuck to the physical practical explanation of the application of love as support, as an unconditional presence as something that is tangible and takes place in physical reality vs what goes on in our minds where we don't even require another to participate or even worse, we resent another participating and standing in the way of our 'loving feelings' even when they are the apparent reason for them and we could come to a mutual understanding that didn't leave uncomfortability as misunderstandings as I avoided pushing for my own knowledge to be driven home but stuck to what I have self realized as I walk this point.

In this I assisted myself with what Bernard once said, that humbleness is to set aside your desire to be right or to tell someone they are wrong because you see in that moment that your support to them is more important than making a point, and this was a cool example I lived today for myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react to what my mother said about time and money, not because of what she said, but because I myself had gone into my Mind evaluating the point that I spend so much time with this boy for which I am not rewarded, but since I did not like this thought to be me thinking such things, I suppressed it and denied, only to have my mother say it our loud and then feel pissed at her, wondering why did she have to mention that since then I would have to look at that point and take responsibility for how I have monetized everything about myself and this existence to the point that I equate my time with money, no matter the fact that I am not in fact 'losing money' but still my time has a Money value I have assigned to it since I was working and since I  have been asked to give my time for money when I was a young kid to help around the house, and for feeling ashamed that I have accepted and allowed myself to live time equal to money and as such live a system of credit and debits relative to the time I give 'freely' to others I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when my mum made that joke and I felt stupid and silly for NOT charging for my time, to reply that I had been given a Christmas cake, which of course just added fuel to the already compounded suppressed thoughts and my desire to believe I am not such a person to monetize everything I do, and for desiring to justify myself so I would stop the self judgement of myself as silly, not business minded enough, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when my students overstays, catch myself going into my mind calculating my time x money equation and then, instead of dealing with why this thoughts come up, pop up just because I feel ashamed of them, suppress them as if they were not my thoughts and then justify them as in 'everyone's gotta make a living' when in fact I am just trying to stop the shame without correcting the point, and for feeling ashamed of myself for what I have become relative to Money and Time I forgive myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgements of others of me as a lunatic out of touch with reality for walking myself out of the Love Construct as if I lost something of myself that I can never get back, and for not seeing, realizing and understanding that I in fact fear my own self judgement as having done a terrible thing, having betrayed my 'loving' Culture for Life, because this is the premise of a CULT, to not allow the space for anyone to move out of it and as I am practicing self correcting myself on this point I have activated the CULT defense mechanism to make sure I don't change as I fear who will I be if I will give up the chance to Love and be Loved forever

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when my student said basically that 'I am sad' to react within with a sense of diminishment, wanting to justify and explain why I am NOT sad as in a sad old lost soul who has given up all dreams such as 'Love' to get real and what's the point of it, who was I harming with a bit of Love, instead of seeing and realizing that I still resist the complete let go of this construct as I fear having to face the LOSS of such a big important part of my Life that I have used to define myself and to separate myself from others

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear to see the similarities between my feelings of "Love' and my feelings of 'FEAR' because when and if I did, this game would be over for good and since I defined myself with lines such as 'you are nobody til somebody loves you' you are my everything, my life, my soul' then I feared that I would have to face the nothingness of me beyond my chance to be loved/love again, because I did give up the loving, but not the hoping and for hoping that Love would rescue me from myself, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to live Love in and as fear, fearing to lose the excitement, the perceived More-ness of me as the experience I lived when I did allow myself to move into this construct I have myself created, instead of seeing realizing and understanding that Love can only be Real when it's me as Love including everything as Life, and not an 'experience' of energy as a positive/negative experience, but a stable physical application of myself to give as I would like to receive and to push myself beyond my limitations such as mind constructs to realign myself to Oneness and Equality and what is best for All.

 

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Day 72: Tolle Teachings, Cashing in on Good Feelings and Acceptance

A simple but radical spiritual practice is to accept whatever arises in the Now — within & without. ~E. Tolle

There is plenty of evidence going around that is spelling that what is in fact 'arising in the Now' is NOT What is Best for All, and Not even What is Best for the people who are giving in to committing such crimes.

We know too little about Consciousness, What it is and How it Works to Trust that everything that arises from it is in fact Good and Acceptable.

Yesterday there was a news about a

Russian mother of 30 who threw her hids from the 15th floor because she just had enough of them.

These are Today's News

A man brutally attacked a grandmother with a Machete in her home

Chases neighbour before strangling and eating his dog

Gunman gave a sarcastic laugh after pulling the trigger and killing Indian Student at Close Range

A former police detective battered his partner senseless with a baseball bat in front of their two children and then stabbed her in the throat

An eight-month-old baby is recovering in hospital after having both her hands chopped by grandmother who then attempted suicide

Our Mind are Mine Fields that we have set up for and as ourselves that are going to show us, Who Is Boss, unless We become the Boss of ourselves by becoming Self responsible Human being, realigning what we have weaved into a Spider Web of Energetic relationship, back into Equality and Oneness and What is Best for All.

At the moment we are in No Way Able to stand and Trust ourselves as The Mind, not even for making the conscious choice for example to NOT be racist, as racism exist at other levels of ourselves that may be not conscious and of which we may be not conscious about.

Racism is hardwired into the Human Brain and people can be prejudiced without knowing it

We are hardwired for separation, it will have to be through our own Self Will and Self Directive principle to Stand Up and Stop.

The above are just examples of individuals losing it, but as within, so without, everything seems to have lost some marbles (or all of them), the Corporates are geared for Profit above What is Best for All and What would be supportive for Life, Politics has been swallowed by the Money system and so has Democracy, of which the World has never seen not even a pale example, the Money System has taken a Life of its own, from which we have separated ourselves and we have made ourselves in no way able to tackle this Monster that is now swallowing Life and lives as it moves unchecked through the World and every single World System, from education, to healthcare, to science, bending them to the service of The Profit Making Law Ruling the World.

And so for Mr. Tolle and the others who are Tolling around, cashing in on the good feelings that they sell, please STOP, you are doing a great disservice to yourself and to Life, Life is NOT about feeling good and Living the Dream, as that is just a consumer sales pitch, Life is about considering All Equally and giving what we would like to receive, and becoming aware that what in fact arises within and without is becoming every day more inhumane and we cannot accept this as 'The Way Things Are' because in this we become the very Demons the World is filled with and is mirroring back to Us, instead it is Time to Stop our Demonic Race to nowhere, having  accepted and allowed to separate ourselves from everythng that exists to the point that we are no longer aware that all that is arising within and without is Self, One and Equal, and each one of us has the responsibility to fix themselves and re-fit into the puzzle as worthy self responsible Human Beings, then a World that is Worth living in will be born for Life and What is best for All.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to images of the violence and the Demonic side of Humanity, desiring to separate myself from what is going on in the world because I don't want to be a part of it as I rather be apart from it, instead of realizing that the World is mirroring me as Self and what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become and that Hell won't stop until I stop my existence as a Devourer of Life, seeking for Experiences and Following Desires that I call Life but that are not Life as Life exists only Here in and as Breath, One and Equal for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am better than the people that are in the news displaying in full force their Demonic Side, as the de-manned side of themselves, showing the extent of possession we can go to if giving in to Consciousness as The Mind, and that just because I engaged in the polarity of Good and Feeling Good I am in no way associated with the Ones who have been left with the polarity of Bad and Feeling Bad, that led them through acts of Evil, Equal and One to my own participation in the 'Good End of the Stick' as the Mind Consciousness System

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad when looking at the Demonic news of what is going on in the world, because feeling bad allows me to think and believe that I am good, because I feel bad, instead of seeing that whatever I feel I am charging the Mind Consciousness System with Energy that I mine out of my own physical substance and so I am as much an Abuser of Life as anyone else on the Planet

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in the past to seek for those 'feel good' crap teachings because I desired to NOT look at the world and the state it is in, because even when I perceived I paid my due and felt bad about it, I was always left with the sense that maybe possibly we should do something about it but did not know what as I had judged myself as useless and hopeless within this system to Change anything, failing to see that this Change has to start with and as Me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Fear what is ahead of us and the manifested consequences we are going to face for what we have done to ourselves and each other as One, while we lived our careless Lifes of Desires and Experiences believing that it was the Life we were supposed to live and strive for

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail to notice that if I had this extensive desire to Feel Good it was because I was never Fine with this world and the way things are, and that Feeling Good was my escape from the Reality of existence as Our Manifested Consequences, because I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I only had 2 choices, to feel bad or to feel good, failing to see that I was imprinted with the Desire to feel Good as the basis for me to accept the Consumerism System that would then SELL me the Feeling Good experiences that I could buy by selling myself out and keeping quiet about this world and the state of existence

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to watch my mum struggle with Life, trying to make sense of it as she was a miss-fit like me and for willingly embracing the system as me in fear that I would end up like her, from one psichosis to depression, while if I jumped on the bandwagon of the system, the system would take care of me and provide for me like it promised to all who toed the line

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear turning out like my mum in her dis-ease for Life as it is, that I made myself look for excuses and reasons to make sense of this senseless existence by seeking and  joining all the Soothsayers of the World that talked about Love and Hope and why it All In Fact Made sense even though evidence was everywhere that IT DID NOT but I chose to close my eyes and NOT look or I would have to question this existence and myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to despise myself for seeking peace in a world at war, where my own wars and conflict I kept suppressed and hidden because I did not want to face the point that I was existing in and as conflict within myself and I did not know how to self correct myself as existence without the tools that I have been given by Desteni, and so I just did nothing and sought my own peace, making myself a piece of the problem and not a part of the Solution

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty when I agree with my mum when she tellls me that we have to look for the good in the world otherwise this existence wouldn't make sense, because I feared not agreeing and being the cause of her breakdown instead of the support that I believed I was by agreeing that there is GOOD in this world, even though all the good was self interest in action and investments to be collected at a later date

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty and ashamed for agreeing with my mum in fear that she may lose it again and as she said 'throw herself off the balcony' unless she could make sense and justify this existence, and so I suppress myself when she tells me she doesn't want to watch movies like 'The Millionaire' in which the background of Misery runs in the background as the Truth of this world, and this would make her Feel Bad, and instead I support the sharing of the Feel Good Movies that tell stories of redemption and how Life does in fact make sense, because I rather not rock the boat at home to a point where I fear I won't be able to give proper support

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty because I second my mum because within this system if she cracked again there is noone able to offer proper support, because everything has been turned into a Money making practice, including psychological support to people that suffer from Mind Imbalances, and I fear introducing Self Forgiveness because she has already mocked me for it and failed to see the point, believing that what we do is atonement and she has done enough of it, instead of seeing Self Forgiveness is Not Atonement and is Not Self Blame, it is the crossing over from irresponsible Mind Controlled Machines into Self Response-Ability, it's the building up and correction of oneself to realign to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear sharing the practice of self Forgiveness, in fear of being labelled as a Member of a Cult, instead of seeing I have lived a life as a member of a Cult, the Cult of Culture, the Cult of Capitalism, the Cult of the religion of Self and Freedom of Choice and I am just now walking out of all Cults, so I can become Me as Life, Here in and as Breath, no longer supporting the Cult-ish existence of this World to the Money God and restoring Self Trust to myself by walking in and as the correction for myself and All of Existence Equal and One.

I commit myself to show that what we believed was valuable as in 'Feeling Good' in fear of 'Feeling Bad' IS NOT real, that our Imagined Freedom of Choice is a Trap that polarizes and divides us, making it impossible to Stand together as One for our Self as Life and the World, and that it is necessary to STOP our existence as what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become to Stand in and as Self Correction for ourselves and the World, for Life and What is Best for All, Equal and One.