Day 134: Gender Hatred - Self Forgiveness

Anaclasis – A Haunting Gospel of Malice & Hatred (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in anger when I read that another woman has been attacked with acid throwing by her former lover

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel entitled to hate men that violate women because I am a woman and I have to stand by my 'gender'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and to say that some men should be hanged by their balls and left there to die, failing to see that I have been and still am participating and fueling the same gender hatred I blame men for, and that there is no difference in hatred just because one seems 'justified hatred' while the other doesn't

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that women are better than men because we do not go as low as such acts of violence and abuse as men seem capable of, instead of realizing both genders are a product of a sick society of fear and hatred and there is no difference but in the expression of it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to aways look for the points through which I can up a man to prove that I am better than them and would never go as low as they do with their expression of violence and hatred toward women, instead of realizing that desiring to diminish another to prove that I am better is an act of hatred and violence that has just not become physical yet

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the toxicity we show to each other within relationships is who we really are and that it will never change because men are just basically bastards and they would do anything they can to put a woman down, instead of realizing I have done the same within my gender wars to make sure I would come out on top

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that such relationships have a future as long as we hide and sugar coat the hatred for each other well enough, instead of seeing that we have to draw a line and STOP because we have gone as far as we could with gender hatred and it's time to put down the weapons, forgive the past and redefine how we want to relate to each other in a way that is supportive for who we are as life and as Honourable as the World we wish to see manifest

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think 'men are stupid' because women can scheme and manipulate more efficiently than men, which could in fact be one of the very sources of the hatred men feel for us and then suppress as they get the manipulation point but not how we do it in the specific, which leaves them with a sense of frustration that bottled up leads to hatred and violence

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that women are better than men because they don't throw acid on a man's face, instead of seeing and realizing that each gender hits the other through what we perceive is their assets, so as men try to take away women's beauty as their market value, women go for their money as their market value, they just go about it when possible 'the legal way'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the hatred and the fear that I felt for men within my life because that would not be 'ladylike' to dig up and look at as denial for women was always recommended, instead of seeing that we are mirroring each others' hatred which is ultimately our self hatred for what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become while seeking for friction to keep this demented 'Energetic' creation in place

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that rape is a result of a society in which sex has become a weapon just like everything else we engage with, and that we need to address everything that we have accepted and allowed because this Creation is tainted and damaged by our self Hatred that is manifesting through every possible Mean, from sexual to physical to verbal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry when men blame women after they beat them or violate them seeking for excuses for the hatred that played out and they were not able to contain, instead of seeing that we blame men for the hatred that we feel for them and we do not manifest in the same ways

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that confining human expression to Genders leads to hatred for the expressions one believes to not have access to that belongs to the other gender and that one point we need to address is the self expression suppressed within our 'gender confinments' to allow any gender to express outside of our defined 'gender boundaries' to stop all suppressions

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within gender hatred because it was easy to direct my self hatred on the 'opposite sex' as the perfect way to put a space between myself and my projected hatred and because men always seemed to give us so many good reasons for it that it was hard to resist

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame men for the hatred that has been plaguing our genders in the relationship with each other because I perceived and defined men as the one having all the power, as in the Money/Survival power, instead of seeing and realizing that as I felt justified to hate them for the power I perceived they had, they felt justified to hate us for the power They perceived we have as the power to give birth to another life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, that having split Us and Them into our different Perceived Powers within this World would lead to competition and comparison from which only one can come out as the Winner, and that to heal our relationships we have to stop competing and comparing what we have that they don't have and what they have that we don't have and instead accept our different expression as Life that doesn't make anyone of Us More or Less than another but just different in the Expression of Life that we Equally share

I commit myself to no longer react to news regarding this outbreak of violence against women as I work to equalize myself to men, outside of gender roles and preconceived gender based ideas, opinions and beliefs

I commit myself to stop my Gender hatred as I see realize and understand that it is not a Gender hatred but our Fears and self Hatred that we are manifesting on Each other that must be Healed and brought back to Self so we each can address the source as the thoughts that lead to the feelings and emotions that end up in expressions of violence and abuse

I commit myself to no longer support the Us and Them of this existence as it is not possible to be One if we cannot even overcome our perceived Gender Differences, and upholding a line to divide Men and Women is just an idea of separation within which we lose ourselves and forget that We are One and that anything that stands in the Way of the One as Self must be Healed and released, so we may come together as Life and What is best for All and return Home Here within the physical in the simplicity of Breath, for Ourselves and All of Existence, Equal and One

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Day 133, Why do Men Hate Us So Much?

Today I read an heartbreaking article about violence on women, again.

I am actually tired of reading such articles, I am tired of reading news about the cruelty of humanKind that we insist to call 'Kind', I would like to let loose, get up and kick the wall, scream and shout and participate in the backlash gender hatred, so we show them, so we gain back our ground, because the lady writer, Soraya Chemaly says, "Women Are Not in Possession of Themselves".

Maybe the point is the opposite, Women are Possesses themselves by this Gender War, Equality cannot be given, it must be found within and claimed within, while we seems to believe that the World is happening Outward only and that since we belong to a specific gender, we have to stand by this gender and be the Abused as the Abused, for solidarity, for companionship.

But that would mean to share the hatred, the debits and credits ledger of the Gender Role, which is just another Possession as the precise point of our world, where everyone is getting back to one another for something, for not having delivered the experiences we wished to have, for something we have interpreted as demeaning, offensive, diminishing, harmful, selfish, like in this instance a woman saying 'NO, I won't fuck you' or going further back, a woman who said 'taste this Apple, it's delicious' and wham, Paradise was lost and she was forever blamed, a hell of a time to hold a grudge.

I'm tired of reading why some people did what they did as we dig into their history, family history, childhood history, school grades history, memories, traumas, all in the hope to find reasons to justify horrendous acts of violence and cruelty against Life, as we try to make sense of a world and a Race we are all participating within that in fact makes no sense at all. What if we became responsible Human Beings instead of accepting who we have been and what we experienced and believed to be 'Important' as our History to shape our present and our Futures, who enjoys being the Abused or the Abuser if not a sick Mind and if we are sick, why don't we look for how can we stop being sick, whichever line of the sickness we are breathing life into, does it really matter?

The writer says

"

Next time you are at a party, look around and remember:

• More than half of school-age girls experience sexual harassment.
• Sixty-nine percent of American women surveyed report that they do not look people in the eye when they walk in public streets, in order to avoid harassment.
• Between 85 and 99 percent of all women experience varying degrees of street harassment.
• One in four women in the U.S. experiences violence at the hands of a partner in her lifetime.
• One in three in the world will.
• One in five women is a survivor of sexual assault and rape."

Which is just another invitation to remember, remember who we are, what we have gone through, remember our place within this society, we are bound to be harassed, beaten, violated and then, some tragically get raped and murdered.

So really, one question would be, Why do men Hate Us So Much?

What is it within this gender War that makes Men think and believe that if they could not 'use' a woman to have the 'experience' they were wishing for, no one should have her and so it wold be right and appropriate to throw acid in her face, to melt her face away, the face they desired and could not get for themselves, what is it that in the mind of men that justifies the violence, the harassment, the beatings, the acid, the rapes and then the trashing of a perceived worthless Life?

Is it because they are motherfuckers, as in the sense of fucked by their mothers to start with, that they grew up to hate women to such an extent that their lives are lived searching for reasons to get even, to square the gender books, get the upper hand that they ended up believing was in fact in the hands of women as they held the power to grant or refuse their desires, to grant and refuse their worthiness that they invested in a woman with no return, ending up more worthless than before desiring her and then blaming her for how they experienced themselves within Their Mind?

Recently I was looking at the point that I do not know how to explain Self Forgiveness in Italian, as if it the problem was with the Self Forgiveness because it brings up Shame and honestly who wants to be facing the shame of this existence when we can pretend to Love each other, until we don't and I desire to throw acid on your face, to delete you, to delete my sense of being inadequate of not having made the mark all the way up into your bed, into your arms for the solace I was seeking and believed you could give me and yet you refused me, as I refused myself.

What is Self Forgiveness then, that it's so hard to explain because God Forbid, it may bring up the Shame that is in fact existent within All of Us for such a World as the One we have created and participated within, Self Forgiveness is a tool to delete the past and our energetic ties to it that have turned into the strings that move us as puppets into a life that we believe we own, but that it's owning us as The Mind, as we puppeteer ourselves from one experience to another, from one Character to another, busy with gender roles of manhood and womanhood that are obviously abusive in the best cases and criminals when things get out of hand. We NEED Self Forgiveness to stop this SHIT, we need to forgive ourselves as our ledger of debits and credits, because if we do not, women might go out and start to douse men in petrol ad sit and watch them burn to hell, or cut their dicks and feed them to ducks, like they already do in Thailand, so that they won't be found and stitched back, unless you stitch the whole duck back where the dick was, they may wait after a lifetime of beatings until they spike a strawberry milkshake for the abusive husband and when he falls asleep they bash their head in with a golf club, like it happened to a perfectly 'apparently well adjusted wealthy family' in Hong Kong, because this is where we are headed, as everyone has plenty of apparently good reasons to hate one another, and get even, men may be underestimating the seeds of the hatred they are watering with their abuses and the payback that may come when enough is enough.

So, at the stage where we have arrived, there can no longer be forgiveness, this is obvious, what we have done to each other within this existence and in the specific our gender wars has just crossed any possible forgiveness line, we are left with forgiving ourselves, so we can stop claiming credits or believing that we have debts to pay that line up the abuses for us to experience until we see, that the Grace of this world cannot come from the Creator who has long ago fled the scene, it must come from us, to see that we are Equals, to step out of the Roles that either make us the Abusers or the Victims and to be precise both at different times, to stop turning abuses into the fuel for furthering abuses so that This World May Change.

So, to the Women of this World, it is not for us to remember, remembering led us here, to the cutting of dicks and the burning men alive and the bashing their heads in with golf clubs, and yet no change is visible but more fury and violence, as violence begets violence, and hatred begets hatred, and to stop We have to stop and realize that We have to forgive ourselves for the roles we played within the abuses, and to forgive others unconditionally as we can't give to ourselves what we are Not willing to give to others, so the for-giveness is the road to for-getting, because for-getting we must for-giving, isn't the irony of all of this just too much for us to not get it?

If you are a victim of Abuse start your Journey of Self Forgiveness as The Journey to Life, Life has no Credits and Debs as Life is Here, not lost in the Past of memories or the Future of Hopes. 

The Past is Over, You are Here, Breathe, Self Forgive, Life is Not Over until the Last Breath and who you turn out to be is up for You to decide.

Abused, Abuser or Life One and Equal?

Self Forgiveness to Follow Tomorrow

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