Day 113: 'Give me the Love Saber and I will Change the World' Character

I had NOT consciously connected Love to Fear until recently through the investigation in Self Honesty of what emotions/feelings are and how they are connected within me as the experience of the word Love, at least not in/as awareness.

How I moved from Love as Fear to the 'Idea and BeLief' that Love could Change the World, is pretty unfathomable since fear cannot Change the World, this seems clear NOW, but at the time I only saw, or wanted to see the Power of Love, it was indeed a power to reckon with, It was Clear, if you spoke the 'L' word others would freeze, it was the Ace of Hearts, the Axe of Hearts, no one dared to look at it in Self Honesty and so the LOVE word would connect all of us to Fear and in Fear we would bow and submit, to each other and this 'Loving System'.

Saying to my friends 'I love You' became easy, I prided myself at how easy I could display my feelings, lying to myself about the fact that speaking the Love words made me vulnerable, because when the other knows about my Love, they can harm me, take advantage of me.

The amazing twist to this story is that the speaking the Love word was already the Harm, The Abuse, as I armed myself to not be confronted any more, hei come on, I spoke the Love word, anything you say after that that doesn't respond in Kind makes You Evil, can't you see, I'm All Loving Here, why are you hurting Me/intending to Hurt Me/Thinking about hurting Me ? What's wrong with YOU ?

So, the best place to take my Love practices would be the Love and Light playground, the disadvantage was that we played with even weapons as we were All brandishing the Love and Light Saber, yet the common playground allowed a sense of superiority, the having married a Higher Cause, BeCause Now I am gonna hit you right in the chest with the Light (and Love) and My Brothers in Arms will back me Up.

All for One and One for All.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the word Love as a weapon to instigate and pass on my Fears to Other beings and myself, One and Equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the dis-ease of the word 'Love- that my body manifested every time I heard it or spoke it, as a bunch of Fears would be summoned up and then suppressed as I pushed them down with Love and blinded myself with Light

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to scheme the whens and hows to throw the Love word, as I unconsciously perceived the Power of it and would not waste it by throwing it around but would deliberately wait for the best time to use it for maximum effect and impact as I preyed on the Ones I wanted to Hook to me or have credits toward to ensure my Survival and Safeness within the system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word Love with a positive Charge so that I could get the positive experience of myself within the word 'Love' as I spoke it or thought about it, regardless of the hints of dis-comfort that my body gave me with regard to this word that I was not able to identify as Fear or that I was not willing to identify as Fear, because it seemed the Last Word left that could possibly/potentially dispel All Fears and I did not want to give it up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel diminished when I spoke the Love word to someone and they did not return the favor so I would not be able to feel 'loved back' and I perceived myself as left in a waiting state to be validated as lovable and therefore valuable, instead of realizing I was waiting for myself to embrace myself unconditionally and Love in Waiting was my diversion to busy myself and not give myself what I sought outside of myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being told 'I love you' because as I used this word to enslave and bend others to my desires and self interest, I feared what They had in mind that I may not have seen coming before they spoke the word Love, but that was now declared and out in the open as the point that they had an agenda too (and how disappointing that was) and that I had overlooked that point and was forced to see that I was just as much used as I wanted to use another with the Love Manipulation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if a woman spoke the Love word before than a Man within a relationship she exposed herself to being ridiculed and to showing her weakness as in the 'need to be loved for worth/value/validation', instead of realizing that men feared/fear this word just as much as we do, as the word Love is a declaration of both ownership and a credit that is now set on the table to be repaid that I myself hated for its unspoken load and then projected the hate for this word in separation from myself as the 'I saw You and what you were about to do' onto others' perceived manipulation/attempted manipulation of me, which was just the projection of my hidden intentions within the use of the word Love

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to join the Love and Light brigade in a hope that if it were a bunch of us fuckers who were overtly/covertly manipulating people with the word Love, then it would be OK to do so, because together we could pretend better and when called out we could just stand and shout 'One for All, All for One' and call on our Brothers in Arms to stand up for the Case of Love as Goodness against the Forces of Evil as the Truth of what Love Really Is as FEAR

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put a sticker on my wall declaring and defining myself as a LightWorker, meaning that I was a Loving person, not to be feared as I worked for the Light and not the darkness of the Planet, failing to see how I supported both constructs as the Light and the Dark of existence, the Good I wished for and the Evil within myself that I feared and hoped to delete with Light and Love and that if I could con-vince others of my LightHood and LoveHood status maybe I could believe it myself and STOP fearing myself and others as a reflection of me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear The Darkness of Me, wherein I defined as Darkness everything that was NOT of Love and Light, which was everything that was fearful and scary, which would have been most of my thoughts and the manipulative Characters that I played and that I did not want to own up to, as I wished to en-Light-en myself to move away, get over my Darkness so I could take a Breath and stop fearing myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear myself and to fear myself as Darkness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Fail to See that what I feared and was running from was myself, as I could not, did not want to face the Darkness of what I planned and schemed to always be on top AND looking good within the lies of Love and Light, and that I was willing to give up the whole of Me as the Darkness of Me to keep up the Happy Lie of Love and Light and the absence of myself as Self Responsibility for myself and existence Equal and One

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be told 'I Love You' even when I feared the Love Word for the manipulative implications of it, just to believe that the other was Good too, or seeking to be Good, or denying his/her own Darkness at least as much as I was, so together we could walk The Lie, pretending to be Good, denying to be Bad, being none the Good and the Bad but having to live with the damnation of the confinements of the Words we spoke and charged with positivity/negativity about ourselves and others, based on imprinting, morality, environmental definitions that we then went out and lived out and believed to be Who We Really Are, until we became them through and through and within this I forgive myself for forsaking The Truth of me for the LIE/Light of Me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to copy and paste the use of Love from my family into the world, spreading the Fear that lives within and as the word Love by our own design, becoming the accomplished accomplish of this Crime against Life that Fear has been and become, being the Fear Monger of myself and existence Equal and One, and for this never ending Fear Mongering  Past I forgive myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live The Fear of Myself as the Fear of the World, projecting outside of me the Fear of Me, participating into turning this world into a fearful scary place in which everyone is out for themselves too busy with Survival to come back o the Equal Physical reality that we share to address the world and what needs to be changed within and without, to realign to Oneness and Equality and What is best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word Darkness to Bad and to Fear and through my own De-finition and the acceptance and allowance of others' definition of the word 'Darkness' I ended up fearing Darkness itself, not wanting to get close to the Darkness of Me as something that is unknown and possibly not nice, without realizing and understanding that as Darkness is my Greatest Fear, it came before me, as the Add-vice, to Never Switch Off the Light, or we may incidentally see and realize the Darkness of ourselves as ourselves, that Home was always HERE and WE had been the wanderer of the Light Show and the Ones that decided before to wander off ,and we can decide NOW to Stop the Show and return all the Light as Energy back to the Earth, and Ourselves back to Darkness, Darkness as the Equality and Oneness of ourselves as Life in and as Breath, to put an end to the Separation and the Damn-Nation of Ourselves as The Puzzle of Existence we believe we have become and FEAR.

Where are the Cookies ? :)

Self commitment statements to STOP the existence of Me as a "Loving Person - Character" to Follow

Day 106: Patterning/Parenting/Patenting Rights ?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is the right of a parent to pattern a child in his/her image and likeness, even though the actual parenting/patterning is not considering what is best for the Child as Life or What is Best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I was lucky as I believed I got a mild parenting/patterning in comparison to some of my girlfriends who got hit and battered by their parents, believing that they deserved it because they themselves said so, and for justifying 'some' patterning compared to others as long as it did not involve 'too much violence'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that sometime a child deserves a good harding, for their own good and that a good harding or a slap here and there, 'never hurt anyone' since they all survived them and grew into 'decent human beings', when in fact if the world was full of 'decent human beings' as a result of violent upbringing we would have changed the world already

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to laugh at the representation of abusive parents by the survivor children, believing that since we survived the abuses and we could laugh about it, we were all right

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that it is the right of a parent to do with the child what they want because they created the child and they can unmake it as they made 'it' in the first place, as my mother and many other mothers used to say when they got angry

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a good harding for some children because they were unruly and rude, instead of seeing and realizing they were just playing out family patterns out loud and that we need an overall education reform to re-teach what effective parenting is since none of us knows anything about it, or we would have created children that would have changed the world already

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that sometimes children 'just take them out of your hands' meaning slaps and physical punishment, just because I heard parents say so, instead of seeing and realizing that there is something wrong in a world where we believe that violence is sometime necessary to teach children about a world where they have to get along with each other and love their neighbor like themselves

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire that some children would be punished more harshly because I have been punished harshly for minor things and I hated seeing other kids getting away with murder and I wished they at least got what i got so everything would make sense as 'the way things are' for everybody

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to excuse poor parenting because 'everyone is doing their best' when in fact nobody has been doing their best but just what we have learnt and repeated from our parents giving it a minor twist here and there, so we would not notice how much we passed on just the same parenting traits to the children of this world, as what we had received

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to excuse the poor parenting of my friends, because they were my friends and parenting is a secret we have agreed to never challenge as others could say ' YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS TO BE A MOTHER' even though this should not be an excuse to stand up and say that passing on one's fears, ideas and opinions of a religious nature, or lies about Santa Claus and the Wonderful World we Live in, is a Lie, damaging and abusive

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support different parenting for girls and boys in which boys are praised for being strong/brave and girls are praised for being beautiful, while we define and limit children to  specific expressions just because this is what we were taught was important within gender definitions

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not tell my friend that the reason why her daughter wants to choose her father who has a driver over her mother who has fuck all, is because she is playing out what we adults taught her about the Value of Life vs the value of Money and since she is clever and can be imprinted with any bullshit from the parents and the parents' friends, she did, and now she believes that Money defines her and everyone, just like we do,  and we cannot in self honesty act surprised like 'gosh, where did she get THAT from ?" because WE KNOW where the kids get the shit they spit in our faces from, from us, yet when we see them playing it out we want to disown them and not be associated with such thinking as they play out in the Open for everyone to see Our Secret Minds that we deny and suppress

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, when I occasionally cared for children, to imprint them with the same bullshit I was imprinted with, with stories of morality about good and bad that stood in the way of their own development of common sense as an expression of themselves as Life, as Breath that they could have relied on for the rest of their life, if the adults that came before them, including myself, would not have interfered with the imprinting of their own bullshit as ideas, Opinions and believes and Multiple Characters as Personalities

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept that parking children in Church or in the hands of priests/nuns for their education is better than leaving them on the streets, even though in the streets they would see what is really going on in the world, while nuns and priests just veil them from reality while they screw with their heads with stories of martyrs and virgins all based in fear, pretending that there is a benevolent Creator sorting things out, and this is the good side of life with the Catholics, when they are not busy abusing the children physically

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that 'there is nothing wrong' with parking children in Church, where they sit and listen to the bullshit thousands of apparent adults have subscribed to, and having already gone through the point that adults know better, have to question their sanity vs the sanity of the believers and conclude the adults must know better, which opens the gates for all the religious shit to come in and be imprinted in their Minds, losing generation upon generations of people who no longer believe in Santa but believe in Gods, Saviours, Love and Fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that any religious teaching is in fact child abuse as the fears of the Parents are passed on to the children to create fearful useless Human beings that will never stand up for What is best for All since religion, together with their parents, stripped them of their common sense and their ability to see that there is no God's plan for this world that is not out accepted and allowed plan and that as we accepted and allowed it once, we can NO longer accept it and allow it and stand up for and as Life and What is best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad when I stood up against teaching religion to children, because the group in support of the 'harmless teachings' was larger than just myself standing up and saying stop, and because I feared their judgement and then I believed that I was making a mountain out of a mole, when there is CLEARLY nothing wrong with passing on the teachings of Good and Bad, while I could see that there was because innocence was always lost with religious teaching to never return

I commit myself to expose the point that parents must be accountable and that having kids is not something that everyone should do just because we don't need a licence, even though we need one for fishing, and that if humanity is insane we need to see this and stop reproducing like broken records, always paying the same music again and again until we work out HOW is it that we are doing what we are doing so we can correct ourselves and THEN have children who won't have to walk long paths of self corrections because they will not be broken at birth like we were

I commit myself to no longer support a world where we make parenting skills a taboo, in fear that all will be called out for their responsibilities to be/become accountable parents, because we need responsible and accountable parents to create a World that is not based on Fears but based on what is best for Life and What is best for ALL