Day 146: Judging Myself, the Hows and Whys - Morality

Since I am just switching Characters at the moment and far from alive yet, I can only be judging myself through a Character for the Characters I play.

So the judging Character is the Judge, which needs supporting Roles to go on his missions, the supporting Characters of my Judge are my Morality Character, my Compare and Compete Character, My Inferiority and Superiority play out Characters, these two just swap on a swing, they kinda live together.

One point that I saw today is that unless I compare and compete, I could never access judgement because judgement is by definition through comparison, so whatever stick I use to measure myself against, there is a measuring as comparison and competition going on, or there could never be self judgement or judgement

Self Judgement supported by my Morality Character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to embrace this world in polarity as what is right and what is wrong and for defining every information I take on board through the eyes of my previously accepted Morality definitions of right and wrong, which I have filed as information that I use to compare myself against, to assess if I am doing something 'right' or 'wrong' so I can determine which experience I have to embody that is consistent with my own judgement, if I believe I did something wrong I will align with feeling bad about myself as in guilt, shame and then blame to relieve myself of both and if I believe I did something right I will align with self righteousness, superiority and feeling good about myself and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to participate in the emotions of guilt and shame and the experience of self righteousness and superiority as it it was me as Who I really am

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand, that the Morality Code I use to Judge myself is a construct of my own making, because most of the Morality information have been passed on from generation to generation but I have been the one accepting them as True and aligning myself and my experience of living to my self defined Morality stick o that I could always assess if I am right or wrong and thereafter access the related emotions and feelings, in a closed loop that once I boarded I believed I was unable to step down from

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there is a 'right and wrong' as I heard soo many times that we have to teach children 'right from wrong' as we make each other stupid and paralyzed into belief systems instead of teaching that Life is Equal and One and allow Common sense of Equality and Oneness to develop for each one without rules that can never fit every situation in life, as life is moving and every point has to be assessed for itself in self honesty for what would be Best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as 'bad' when I believe I have done something wrong, according to my own accepted and allowed morality system, instead of seeing and realizing that self judgement is NOT in fact self correction and that when I see myself judging myself I have to stop, Breathe, assess in self honesty if what I did that is causing me to participate within self judgement is system wrong or was Not Best for All, if system wrong I need to find what I have stored as the original instruction in my right and wrong morality book and self correct to equalize myself to it, if it is Not Best for All, I can stand up forgive myself and correct myself to realign to what is best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react when I judge myself as bad with the desire to justify myself because I don't like the way I experience myself when I believe I made a mistake, because I have this idea that 'good people' do not make such mistakes as the ones I make, and so I move into the judgement of me as a 'bad person' and from there I desire to, first justify myself and then see how can I share the blame or how can I blame in full someone else

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give in to blame and sharing blame in fear of how I will experience myself if the Judge in me will Rule that I AM WRONG and BAD, as I believe that the wave of shame that I feel every time I make a mistake is just too much for me to endure and that I don't know how to stop that experience of myself, instead I can stop, breathe and return to the physical to stabilize myself and walk through the unpleasant experience to delete it with self forgiveness and self correction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire as a kid that my little cousin would be blamed too, as I perceived there was blame on me in my family, which I believed was the cause of my feelings of guilt and shame, while his family looked at him like the apple of their eyes, and so I would throw his toys out of the balcony and then wait for the mother to come and get angry at him, because in my mind that way, I would see someone else being blamed and judged, and I could feel better about myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, due to the extensive self judgement I lived with, desire to see others being blamed and judged when I was a kid, and to feel a sense of elation when it was someone else and not me at the mercy of our Educators/Parents as I felt better about myself because among us all that could be judged and picked out, shamed ad made to feel guilty, it was not me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I was bad for holding secret desires as a kid to see other kids judged and condemned as wrong/bad so that I would not have to feel so bad about myself for my own self judgements and self condemnation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to teach kids the 'right and wrongs' of our ways that define what a Good person is all about, robbing the newly arrived on the planet of their chance for common sense in favour of a system of morality that defined the rights and wrongs of existence up to the minutest detail without any common sense but just so to make sure noone would ever challenge the system or they would be made to feel 'wrong and bad'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself through my Morality Character using memories as thoughts of other times in my life when I did better, spoke better, wrote better, within the sense of what is right and what is wrong, as I have accepted and allowed myself to be taken on memory lane by my Morality Character and shown moment of my Life where I was apparently a better person that I am now, so I would be able to compute how much I failed and fell into the cracks of my own mistakes as 'wrongs', when if I slow down I can see that most of the memories that come up in my Mind as my own bashing tool are manipulated and huge chunks of 'what really happened' are missing to fit the agenda of Each of my Characters while I just board the ride to self judgement as 'the way things are'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not notice that all my self judgements based on 'Morality', come from a memory as a thought, in which I compare myself to what I am doing to what I SHOULD be doing if I were a good person -while I am not - and for failing to see that this System Morality always leads to the same place, to make sure that I do not change because the burden of self judgements as My Morality Code is just too big to shake off and that if in fact I am a good person I must LIVE with it, as the consequence of my life, words, thoughts and actions

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that to escape my self judgement I have to do the Moral/Right thing, which is to judge myself for my wrong doing, because if I do not AT LEAST judge myself where is my goodness and my morality, instead of seeing and realizing that this self judgement is standing in the way of my change and that I must let go of my desire to be good as the Morality Character in fear of my own self judgement to be able to stand for what is best for All without restraints

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist applying self forgiveness to all the events in my Life that I see as the source and files that I use against myself when I step into the Judge Character because I have judged Self Forgiveness like Forgiveness as the 'Easy Way Out' of my perceived 'wrong doings' instead of seeing realizing and understanding that Self Forgiveness is no Way Out and is not at all a Cop Out, it's just me giving myself another chance to stand in Oneness and Equality and stop the Self Abuse as Self Judgement as the point in which I feel like shit but I get to at least feel self righteous for judging myself mercilessly

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge self forgiveness as the eraser that will lift me from my responsibility as consequence of my life, because within the Morality Character and the Moral Judge of myself this is not acceptable as I have judged responsibility for consequence as suffering and I have resisted giving up my suffering because then I won't be a good person anymore as I have embraced suffering as the Right Punishment bestowed on myself by my Judge Character in my desire to be Good and doing what is Right and Just

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to equate Justice with Punishment, because our World system promotes punishment as Justice instead of Self Correction, with the result that I have been punishing myself as I embraced the sentences of the court of my own Judge as myself as Guilty as Charged, and yet I failed to see that I was the one setting the Charges, the Judgements and the Punishments, and as such I can let it go because realigning myself to Oneness and Equality cannot come from my suffering and punishment but only through my Self Forgiveness and Self Correction

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that some punishment in our Justice system are not harsh enough, because as I punished myself harshly for every mistake I believed I made or every wrong choice I believed took, so should the system, as leniency only shows weakness and as we know, spare the rod, spoil the child

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire my own self judgement as the punishment of myself for my careless life that I have judged as mostly 'wrong' through my Morality Character, instead of seeing and realizing I have been lost in a Character Play with other Characters and that correcting ourselves will come through unconditional self forgiveness first, because it' s only through remitting our sins that we can remit everyone's sins and this is how self forgiveness will work inward and outward until we live in a for-giving world for All and no longer in a for-getting world, where we forgot our self responsibility to our Self and all of Existence Equal and One

When and as I see myself attempting to, about to, or already making judgements about myself through my Morality Character, I Stop, Breathe, remind myself that I have seen how this plays out and why, breathe myself back Here into the Physical until I let go of the desire/need to judge myself

When and as I see myself attempting to, about to, or already making judgements about myself based on what is right and wrong, I stop, Breathe, investigate what beliefs/definitions am I holding regarding a particular point that I have charged negatively as in 'Wrong' or positively as in 'Right', so I can write it out to investigate its origin and correct myself through Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application

When and as I see myself desiring to be right, fearing to be wrong and the judgement of myself as wrong, I stop, Breathe, look at what it is that I am fearing as my own potential self judgement, so I can release the fear and dig into my experience to find the origin of my judgements of 'potential wrong' and release it through Self forgiveness and self corrective application

I commit myself to stop my own self judgements as I see realize and understand that when I judge myself I actually believe I have done my part, as I have learnt from religion, that once I say 'I am wrong' I do feel devalued BUT I am now back to being Good and Right by my own admission of being wrong and bad, and that this is not effective to Correct myself until I in fact DO correct myself through self forgiveness and self corrective application AND Change myself in the physical

I commit myself to no longer participate in self judgements based on Morality in which I use one Character as support for another that can stand as a Judge to the actions, thought, words and deeds of my other Characters, but to consistently bring myself back Here To Stop this Character play Once and for All

I commit myself to flag myself for the self judgements of me that may come up automatically that I can identify through an emotion of guilt or shame, breathe, and investigate how and why I reacted so I can clear myself and equalize myself to my experiences to see where and how I need to change so I can script my correction to realign myself to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All

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Day 113: 'Give me the Love Saber and I will Change the World' Character

I had NOT consciously connected Love to Fear until recently through the investigation in Self Honesty of what emotions/feelings are and how they are connected within me as the experience of the word Love, at least not in/as awareness.

How I moved from Love as Fear to the 'Idea and BeLief' that Love could Change the World, is pretty unfathomable since fear cannot Change the World, this seems clear NOW, but at the time I only saw, or wanted to see the Power of Love, it was indeed a power to reckon with, It was Clear, if you spoke the 'L' word others would freeze, it was the Ace of Hearts, the Axe of Hearts, no one dared to look at it in Self Honesty and so the LOVE word would connect all of us to Fear and in Fear we would bow and submit, to each other and this 'Loving System'.

Saying to my friends 'I love You' became easy, I prided myself at how easy I could display my feelings, lying to myself about the fact that speaking the Love words made me vulnerable, because when the other knows about my Love, they can harm me, take advantage of me.

The amazing twist to this story is that the speaking the Love word was already the Harm, The Abuse, as I armed myself to not be confronted any more, hei come on, I spoke the Love word, anything you say after that that doesn't respond in Kind makes You Evil, can't you see, I'm All Loving Here, why are you hurting Me/intending to Hurt Me/Thinking about hurting Me ? What's wrong with YOU ?

So, the best place to take my Love practices would be the Love and Light playground, the disadvantage was that we played with even weapons as we were All brandishing the Love and Light Saber, yet the common playground allowed a sense of superiority, the having married a Higher Cause, BeCause Now I am gonna hit you right in the chest with the Light (and Love) and My Brothers in Arms will back me Up.

All for One and One for All.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the word Love as a weapon to instigate and pass on my Fears to Other beings and myself, One and Equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the dis-ease of the word 'Love- that my body manifested every time I heard it or spoke it, as a bunch of Fears would be summoned up and then suppressed as I pushed them down with Love and blinded myself with Light

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to scheme the whens and hows to throw the Love word, as I unconsciously perceived the Power of it and would not waste it by throwing it around but would deliberately wait for the best time to use it for maximum effect and impact as I preyed on the Ones I wanted to Hook to me or have credits toward to ensure my Survival and Safeness within the system

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the word Love with a positive Charge so that I could get the positive experience of myself within the word 'Love' as I spoke it or thought about it, regardless of the hints of dis-comfort that my body gave me with regard to this word that I was not able to identify as Fear or that I was not willing to identify as Fear, because it seemed the Last Word left that could possibly/potentially dispel All Fears and I did not want to give it up

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel diminished when I spoke the Love word to someone and they did not return the favor so I would not be able to feel 'loved back' and I perceived myself as left in a waiting state to be validated as lovable and therefore valuable, instead of realizing I was waiting for myself to embrace myself unconditionally and Love in Waiting was my diversion to busy myself and not give myself what I sought outside of myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being told 'I love you' because as I used this word to enslave and bend others to my desires and self interest, I feared what They had in mind that I may not have seen coming before they spoke the word Love, but that was now declared and out in the open as the point that they had an agenda too (and how disappointing that was) and that I had overlooked that point and was forced to see that I was just as much used as I wanted to use another with the Love Manipulation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if a woman spoke the Love word before than a Man within a relationship she exposed herself to being ridiculed and to showing her weakness as in the 'need to be loved for worth/value/validation', instead of realizing that men feared/fear this word just as much as we do, as the word Love is a declaration of both ownership and a credit that is now set on the table to be repaid that I myself hated for its unspoken load and then projected the hate for this word in separation from myself as the 'I saw You and what you were about to do' onto others' perceived manipulation/attempted manipulation of me, which was just the projection of my hidden intentions within the use of the word Love

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to join the Love and Light brigade in a hope that if it were a bunch of us fuckers who were overtly/covertly manipulating people with the word Love, then it would be OK to do so, because together we could pretend better and when called out we could just stand and shout 'One for All, All for One' and call on our Brothers in Arms to stand up for the Case of Love as Goodness against the Forces of Evil as the Truth of what Love Really Is as FEAR

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put a sticker on my wall declaring and defining myself as a LightWorker, meaning that I was a Loving person, not to be feared as I worked for the Light and not the darkness of the Planet, failing to see how I supported both constructs as the Light and the Dark of existence, the Good I wished for and the Evil within myself that I feared and hoped to delete with Light and Love and that if I could con-vince others of my LightHood and LoveHood status maybe I could believe it myself and STOP fearing myself and others as a reflection of me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear The Darkness of Me, wherein I defined as Darkness everything that was NOT of Love and Light, which was everything that was fearful and scary, which would have been most of my thoughts and the manipulative Characters that I played and that I did not want to own up to, as I wished to en-Light-en myself to move away, get over my Darkness so I could take a Breath and stop fearing myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear myself and to fear myself as Darkness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Fail to See that what I feared and was running from was myself, as I could not, did not want to face the Darkness of what I planned and schemed to always be on top AND looking good within the lies of Love and Light, and that I was willing to give up the whole of Me as the Darkness of Me to keep up the Happy Lie of Love and Light and the absence of myself as Self Responsibility for myself and existence Equal and One

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be told 'I Love You' even when I feared the Love Word for the manipulative implications of it, just to believe that the other was Good too, or seeking to be Good, or denying his/her own Darkness at least as much as I was, so together we could walk The Lie, pretending to be Good, denying to be Bad, being none the Good and the Bad but having to live with the damnation of the confinements of the Words we spoke and charged with positivity/negativity about ourselves and others, based on imprinting, morality, environmental definitions that we then went out and lived out and believed to be Who We Really Are, until we became them through and through and within this I forgive myself for forsaking The Truth of me for the LIE/Light of Me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to copy and paste the use of Love from my family into the world, spreading the Fear that lives within and as the word Love by our own design, becoming the accomplished accomplish of this Crime against Life that Fear has been and become, being the Fear Monger of myself and existence Equal and One, and for this never ending Fear Mongering  Past I forgive myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live The Fear of Myself as the Fear of the World, projecting outside of me the Fear of Me, participating into turning this world into a fearful scary place in which everyone is out for themselves too busy with Survival to come back o the Equal Physical reality that we share to address the world and what needs to be changed within and without, to realign to Oneness and Equality and What is best for All

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word Darkness to Bad and to Fear and through my own De-finition and the acceptance and allowance of others' definition of the word 'Darkness' I ended up fearing Darkness itself, not wanting to get close to the Darkness of Me as something that is unknown and possibly not nice, without realizing and understanding that as Darkness is my Greatest Fear, it came before me, as the Add-vice, to Never Switch Off the Light, or we may incidentally see and realize the Darkness of ourselves as ourselves, that Home was always HERE and WE had been the wanderer of the Light Show and the Ones that decided before to wander off ,and we can decide NOW to Stop the Show and return all the Light as Energy back to the Earth, and Ourselves back to Darkness, Darkness as the Equality and Oneness of ourselves as Life in and as Breath, to put an end to the Separation and the Damn-Nation of Ourselves as The Puzzle of Existence we believe we have become and FEAR.

Where are the Cookies ? :)

Self commitment statements to STOP the existence of Me as a "Loving Person - Character" to Follow