Day 321: Failure. The Fail Safe - Feel Safe of the Mind

As I go about the process to sort out the miss-filing of everything that I lived in my Mind, while making assumptions through beliefs and opinions in separation from everything that exists vs being Here in Real Time, a process I am walking to realign myself to Oneness and Equality and what is Best for All, I can see how when I hit points where I see how I can change my priorities to realign from self interest to what is best for all I have resistances and I express these resistances with what I have learnt from others as a way to justify why I am not in fact required to change, why I can keep going at it, keep filing away my perspectives, beliefs and ammunition for when I won't feel safe and I will have to defend myself/protect myself and this is what we do and exist as, little self interested units more concerned about how I can have it my way, from coercing others into specific behaviors, to just have it my way in my mind, where I created everything that exists for which I struggle to take responsibility for because I have grown way more familiar to blaming others for who I have become than to taking responsibility for myself  and accept that I have to patiently re-parent myself to re-birth myself to Life.

So, one point that hit me hard yesterday was the point of Failure, which of course can exist only in comparison to what I 'was supposed to be' according to the desires that I expressed as a kid, in my case a veterinarian, plus as I walked my life, to the lives of others that I perceived as more successful, more stable, always believing that I was the only loose screw in the world, or the loosest one, but here again see how the Mind seeks specialness and it doesn't even matter in which direction, can't be the best? Can shoot for the worse, I will still be special because no one is as BAD as me.

Of course for everything we elicit to embrace in our search for moreness (aka madness) within a polarity delusion, there is a con-sequence, in my case since I did not manage to be the baddest because the world outdid me several times in what I was willing to do to get the prize of specialness, I was left with Failure, not good enough, not bad enough, an underachiever for my potential, I embraced failure as who I am.

Interestingly enough Failure is just another Mind Game, it's the game that says that since I have already tried something, including changing myself and have not succeeded at the first go, I should give up, it's more in fact, it's my tacit permission to give up, the one I gave myself when I realized it would require work to change because many things I ended up doing and living as, were just too automated and I did not have the tools at that stage to face how to change, what to do and so I accepted failure, because it felt better than keep up the trying without results which would result in compounded energetic experiences of FAILURE which I did not like, see, this is how the Mind keeps Safe, it will record the falls and then every time we try that one point again, it will broadcast for us ALL the previous times in which we did not succeed, seeking for that certificate, that permission, the authorization to justify rolling over and do nothing about what is going on inward and outward in this existence.

The problem is that when we do accept Failure as a way to stop feeling bad about our perceived inability to change, the Game is Over, that is when we draw the line that says that everything we'll do after that point shall fail again, we'll fail again and this goes on for lifetimes until we stop even trying because we have forgotten that we could have redefined 'failure' and no longer take it as the emotion loaded word that expresses our nothingness, worthlessness but on the contrary Real Failure is the moment we accept to roll over and just wait to die, its the moment when we accept that our lives have been wasted and so since the waste has already happened, we can now enjoy our wasted lives and give up our point of self responsibility for good -thanksgodforthat, what a Relief. Weird hei?

Sadly it all began as an excuse to why I ultimately did not manage to be better than others when in fact this is the whole point, we keep Failing because we hold this desire, to be MORE, when if we embraced our Equality as One, there would be nothing to compare to or aspire to, because the Whole as One in support of each other, has got it all, we are missing 'peace's only in separation and yet we insist on wanting to hold on to the Specialness of Individuality in separation vs the Safety of Individuality within Equality, where we get to be All of It because You and Me are One and Equal and what you have I also have in Oneness and Equality beyond separation.

Next time I will hit the Failure point I will tell myself that I have just stumbled again on my program, that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could Fail vs redefining Failure as a Miss-Take from which I can get up and self correct, because Realigning to Oneness and Equality and what is best for All will have to come in Real Time, crossing the points that we kept as Fail Safe - Feel Safe of the Mind, to make sure we would not make it out of this A-maze-ing place that is the Virtual Reality we created in our heads, but we can, if we accept to embrace the uncertainty of walking the steps required to be Equal to All Life Expressions beyond our reactive words/world so we can finally bring Heaven on Earth for everyone and stop excusing ourselves through Failure for Failing to do so.

Rewrite Your Story at Desteni

rewrite the Story of Humanity with Equal Money and Basic Income Guaranteed, give your Author-ization for things to change by becoming Self responsible for yourself and your Self Change to reflect the world we want to build and live in, one point at the time.

Related articles

• Day 320: Spoilt Words - Spoil Worth
• Day 432: Explorations into the Ineptitude of our Language Usage

Day 269: Humanity - The Living Money System

A few months ago I had the privilege to start translating the Equal Money book - I did only the first chapter.

Apart from the point of how much I struggled to deliver the same concept in my own mother tongue, the reading hit me like a rock in the face.

Suddenly many words that we use currently that I had never noticed took on a life of their own, it was like for a while everything around me was just about Money, and I mean every-single-thing.

It took me a while to land back in a sort of functioning reality, in a space where I could hold the realization and still live, it was not just humbling, it was sad and depressive and quite hopeless to realize that in fact, no matter how well we have disguised it, there is pretty much nothing else in our self created worlds at the moment, but Money.

If we look at our relationships, they are ALL money based, we give ourselves all sort of clues, we use Money words to tell ourselves that we are locked into a fictional nightmare, but then we have managed to dismiss the annoying question of 'there is something wrong here', manly because if we did admit to the 'there is something wrong here, hell for sure' we would have to seek solutions that we mainly don't know where to get, we don't know how to change, we fear facing the uselessness and un-realness of our lives, because THAT would be really upsetting, all this stress and anguish and we are not even alive, fuck.

So, today I want to write a relationship vocabulary that is Money based, maybe others will have my same realization that we are in fact the Very Money System that we wish to change 'out there' and that it's us through our accepted beliefs, opinions and our very words -that WE are the ones monetizing everything that is here, it is not the system doing that, we AS the System breathe Life into the monetary words we speak, and in separation from them, an alternate reality that is ONLY about Money took Life, took our Life, the lives of everyone and made a life for itself, from which we have been excluded, mirroring what we are doing to our words, use them to mold an existence in place for which we take no responsibility - and so, equally- the system born out of it takes no responsibility for us, we were the Master Creators and equal to us, we created a Master Creator System, the Money System and as we separated from it, it separated from us and applied all the same allowances and acceptances of its Creators, selfishness, ruthlessness, "mememe", now the System exists independently, we have lost access to it, we created it in such way that we never had access to it, and now it plays out what we play out, preferences, inequality and privileges, just for some.

This is but a short list of words we use everyday in apparently non-money related situations

dear, treasure, precious, value, valuable, appreciation, appreciate, worth, worthy, wealth, wealthy, privilege, classy, cheap, cheaply, invest, investment, trust ..etc.

Another thing we can see in self honest examination, is how We regulate our relationships based on our internal Value System, which is nothing else but having 'appreciated' people on a ladder that specifies who can do what for me, having 'preferential' treatments for some vs others -based on the previous point-, having someone 'dearer' than others, seeing someone 'cheaply', holding someone 'indebted' claiming 'credits' for something said or done in their favor, 'loving' those in a closed circle of trust as a trust-fund and the rest of the time spending it assessing what are our choices/options, all this based on what we have access to according to the 'value' in numbers we have available, granting ourselves the right to receive something from others only if we have the collaterals to guarantee we'll be able to pay back. 

We are the Living Money System, time to face the Money Point not as something separate from us, but as Us, then as we change who we are in relation to Money and we remove the monetary value from everything we have bestowed it upon, the system must change, because we change as The System, the living, breathing Money system itself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that there isn't a Monetary System out there, but the reflection of a system of Value I participate in as I separated myself from my words and allowed myself to create a system to manage my 'relationships of Value and worth' outside of myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when I first realized that everything I did in my Life carried a monetary value, and that all my relationships had been carefully measured and designed for me to maximize my chances to win at the Money game, to feel ashamed, and instead of clearing that shame and standing up within myself, to dismiss the point as too big to even be conceived, as more and more words showed to me the inherent nature of myself and Humanity and the game we are playing, and for believing I am one and equal to that moment of Shame in which I realized myself as One of the bricks of the Money system, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I dug into this Money point and who I am within Money, that there would be nothing that had not been contaminated by my desire to get the upper hand and to guarantee my own survival in the face of many who did not have enough to live, and for making up the belief that I could not be different or change so I would not have to change and move out from my own value system that gave me a sense that I knew what I was doing and that I was going to make it, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when a word that is Money related comes into my awareness, to refuse to follow the timeline of this word to be able to clear it once and for all, in fear that I will lose the value as credit that I have accumulated upon that word that I know I can use on the "Word market", and for desiring to hold on to my own word definitions and their market value, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create within each of my personality some money managing traits that I could use to gain an advantage on others because I could, once the shame would hit home, switch into another one of my personalities and keep myself Character Hopping to not catch up with the shame of not standing for a world that was best for all but only seeking what was best for me and for this, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire that the Money System would change Out There, because to Change the Money System within I would have to let go all my definitions and word-credits that I have accumulated in a lifetime of playing the Money game, and for fearing to let go and experiencing a sense of loss due to my own investment that did not bring home the promised results as self-interests, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I leave behind what I know and who I have been and my ability to make money no matter what, that I would be in fact jumping into nothingness, because the system we are redesigning is not ready yet to catch us all in a supportive net that can guarantee a life of dignity for all, and for wanting a sure reward before I move for a system that is best for all just because I have accepted and allowed myself to embrace life as a system of rewards and punishments, I forgive myself

I commit myself to stand for a system that works for all and to keep walking to stop my separation between the money system outside and the money system as Who I am, so as I stand One and equal to it, I can direct it as myself for what is best for me as best for all, for myself and All of Existence, Equal and One.

Related articles

• Day 90: Projecting outward The inward Path
• Day 300: The Encryption of Systems (Part One)
• Day 180: The Word 'Capitalism' in 'Equal Money Capitalism'
• Day 193: Is Equal Money Capitalism Doomed to Fail?
• Day 186: The Invisible Hand is Invisible because it Doesn't Exist - Equal Money Capitalism and Providing Results that are Best for All
• Day 261: You Can't understand Equal Money? You are So Predictable
• Day 245 Sexualized Sexual Eyes

Day 238: Concerned about what I share

This is a new one, sort of.

Since a month ago someone from my past came back into my life -not really- but came back into my head.

And now everything I post gets first screened for approval to see if it's acceptable or not, if it will rock the boat too much and even to send 'subliminal messages' hoping some hints are taken, so that I don't have to speak up or say what is it that I am really going through.

This clearly showed me that I still very much care about what others think of me, I was just idle for a year or so since there was nobody left around me whose opinion I cared for, everyone had just upped and left where I had not been the one to do that first.

Of all the people that can read my Facebook page, for a while I was concerned with my ex husband, I feared the label of 'nutcase' for the Annunaki Reptilians stuff I posted, which is CRAZY -not even remotely as the things we believe at the moment about our creation important to note-, because I fear the association with anything connected to the Reptilians due to my own judgements of the Reptilians story the first time I heard it, when I bent in two in hysterics thinking THAT was the stupidest thing I ever heard, a race that created us as slaves to mine gold, come on people, a race so advanced to be able to fly around and land on planets at leisure, couldn't they come up with some sorts of robots to do that work, who would take a race and try to change their DNA (and how??) and then make them mine gold for them, and couldn't they get an alternate source of energy than gold, so many holes in that story, they just compounded to make the Russian yoga teacher that shared it with me seem more like a Space Cadet than she ever did before.

When I met Desteni therefore I had to drag myself through my own self created and then self inflicted sense of ridicule for quite some time and never really sorted it out.

I know the Annunaki Reptilians piece is one I find the most embarrassing to be associated with, even today, not because what they share doesn't make sense, far from it, Anu's interviews are on top of my list of Amazing things I learned in this Lifetime, but just because of what I have not cleared within me yet, this became painfully clear when I wanted to share a piece on Capitalism with a guy on the Economics thread and I went all the way to posting it into another of my blogs which is more anonymous, in fear that if the page opened on the Reptilians interview, EMC, EMS and myself would be dismissed as foolish and plain insane, that the point of the Reptilians would be abused to Not Hear and not even consider what was shared.

I even redid my blog removing all their interviews, I posted the other 'acceptable' interviews on Eqafe, the ones people can relate to more easily and there they can find the Reptilians as well.

Of course this added an extra layer of friction, as this point has moved through me in different phases:

Phase 1: the Ridicule phase - secretly laughing about myself

Phase 2: The Fear phase, what will people think

Phase 3: The "In Your Face" phase, I have got balls I'll share ALL the Reptilians stuff, watch me

Phase 4: Ex boyfriend on radar - what will he think of me, can I stand being a nutcase again, what if he doesn't like me/want me anymore, what if he wants to disassociate from me

Phase 5: Monitoring my posts, activate secret policeman to watch each post and 'imagine' my 2 new/old FB friends reactions, seek "meaning loaded" posts to share to shape ex boyfriend into new potential boyfriend I can hook up with

Phase 6: Shame

Phase 7: Suppression

Phase 8: Fear that sharing EMS and EMC on a page with Reptilians interviews will be scuffed and derided

Phase 9: Revamping my Blogger site to delete All traces of 'weirdness'

Phase 10: Self Disgust

Phase 11: Writing it all out

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when the Russian yoga teacher told me the Reptilian story based on a group trying to reactivate our lost DNA, to laugh and laugh and secretly ridicule her for her beliefs, because I thought' how convenient, to blame this fucked up world and our existence on imaginary brain damaged reptilians that couldn't come up with a better solution to dig out their gold than twist our DNA that resulted in the fuck ups we are today

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when considering the Reptilian story tell myself that such an evolved race would have come up with something smarter, something like robots to do their dirty gold job, failing to even consider that we may be the robotic creations of such a plan

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, whenever the word robot, robotic, automaton comes up relative to Humanity, to move into resistance as I don't want to be associated to a robot, robotic Creation or automaton because that makes me perceive myself as diminished, "less than" what I liked to believe about myself and humanity and our inherent -although invisible - greatness

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when I was in the Taliban phase of Desteni, moving to obsess everyone around me with my 'discovery' of the Matrix, to share this information with my ex husband and when he replied to me 'The Matrix is NOT real, get a grip on yourself', to feel ridiculed and diminished and unable to explain HOW it was in fact real because I had spent evenings chatting with him after we watched 'The Matrix' movie to prove that it was In fact impossible to be living inside an engineered reality due to technical limitations, such as data storage, failing to see we were addressing this point from our own limited understanding of reality and how it all worked without considering the Creators' ability to manage the points we saw and deemed unmanageable without us 'sniffing out the truth of it all'

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, first seek approval and support from those around me about this incredible story that made so much sense to me I had to share it and when that didn't happen and I perceived people shying away from me, to isolate myself and push away everyone else that may be a source of ridicule for myself as I sat imagining the kind of conversations my ex friends would have about me, just as I had about the Russian yoga teacher and the reptilians story and for gossiping about my Russian friend and ridiculing her about 'her' reptilian's theory, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand, that the reason why I ridiculed my Russian friend was because I feared knowing anything about this reality that may contradict my belief in the Benevolence of it all that I had managed to hold on to in the face of Reality as the evidence that there could be no benevolence in this creation of Inequality and Suffering and a God/Universe/ White Light that expected anyone to go through unspeakable life experiences for the Glory of....., and for submitting myself to fear as a way to not take responsibility for this creation as mySelf, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when I met Desteni, fear that I would be forever changed by the information they shared and fear what I may come to learn about ourselves and this reality and within this fear to build up resistances to some information about the evident robotic nature of ourselves to the point of moving into reactions that I would suppress every time the words robot, robotic, automaton were written somewhere because I feared the experience of myself as diminished, belittled, dwarfed in the face of the truth that I never lived and that everything of me that I came to believe to be true was in fact a lie

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgement of others of me as a nutcase because I had been travelling and embracing many belief systems that I had successfully sold to others such as Law of Attraction, but I could not see how was I going to sell THIS ONE, as I projected on others my own fear of learning about this reality and the true nature of ourselves, even though I had already come to some obvious realizations about Humanity, such as the one that we are having Personality Disorders as the foundation of our interactions, and for believing that it is important that I sell a Theory to someone else to make it valid and true, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, instead of going to the root of my Fears relatively to these information, suppress it and create another Personality to handle it all, The" Bold In-Your-face- Personality, through which I mustered the courage to share the amazing Reptilians interviews, not from the starting point of sharing what I had found supportive, but from a 'screw you' starting point, to prove to myself that I could do it, that I had the balls to share what I came to learn was true and that other should learn as well so I could have their support and approval and feel good about myself again

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when B and T contacted me and I felt the past showing up, to move into fear about what I shared, fearing that what I shared was not acceptable to be considered 'normal' or 'worthy of attention' and that if I did continue I would be labelled a nutcase or someone belonging to a cult, and instead of unraveling what was going on within me, I activated the policeman in my head to whom I would first ask approval before I posted to make sure what I posted was acceptable and I wouldn't have to face consequences from my posting, such as being ridiculed or being dropped for 'no longer being interesting -or sane' and for accepting and allowing myself to be driven by fear and the desire to be accepted, valued and considered sane in what I have been sharing now for a month, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when I realized I was monitoring my posts through a policeman in my head, to move into shame and instead of addressing the shame to proceed to suppress it, pretending it wasn't there, just like the policeman in my head, because I feared the judgement of myself as weak and a man's puppet seeking for approval in the hope that I may get a relationship going for me if I didn't seem too insane or 'too out there'

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when debating Equal Money Capitalism and Equal Money System on the Economics thread on Facebook and when wanting to share some writing about why we are not considering the system we live in, to realize I had fears of associating the information on EMC and EMS to Reptilians and for considering changing my whole Blog format before addressing the fears driving me to this point, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a wimp for changing my Blog format instead of seeing that it may make sense to not create additional friction in those who are attempting to consider a new system of Governance and that instead of judging myself as a wimp, I could have looked at this point practically putting myself in the shoes of another, asking myself if I could have handled both the information about a new system and the truth of who we are at the same time and that if I came to the understanding that it may be more beneficial to lead others as mySelf to Eqafe and allow them to work out the information at their own pace, I could have done so, not as a wimp but as a self directed decision about what is best for all and not what is best for me to either cover up or pacify my fears and that this is the point why we are pushing to move beyond Reactions, emotions and feelings, so that we can CLEARLY see what needs to be done and just move to do it, beyond self judgements and beyond energetic as positive/negative/neutral driven actions

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not clear myself over this point for almost a month and for allow it to build up until I could no longer trust that what I was doing was in alignment with what is best for all because I did not take the time to clear myself enough to stand stable and move as self direction in the most effective and supportive way for all and for this, I forgive myself

When and as I see myself moving or about to move into checking in my mind through a Secret Policeman what I am about to do, I stop, breathe, bring myself back here, do not allow my decisions to be driven by secret energetics within me in fear of judgement, self judgement or desires to be liked and accepted, instead I make sure that I am clear before I post what I want to share with others in alignment with what is best for all

When and as I see myself having doubts about what I have decided to do, I stop, breathe, see realize and understand that if I am having doubts I am not Here, because when I have been here in and as Breath I have just done what seemed common sense to me and if I am having doubts I first need to bring myself back here in and as Breath and if the doubts persist, I shall sit down and write down what is going on within me that stands in the way of my clarity before I act in and as Self directive Principle

When and as I see myself fearing that what I am about to do may have undesired consequences, I stop, breathe, assess if the undesired consequences I am fearing are real or just imagined through one of my personalities and when I am clear and stable I act in and as Self directive principle

I commit myself to no longer be concerned about what I share as I see realize and understand that when I am here in and as Breath, stable, not driven by any reaction, emotion or feeling, I am able to assess the outflows of what I am doing and evaluate the benefit of sharing vs the benefit of not sharing and to breathe before I act to make sure nothing drives me that is not mySelf as Self directive principle in alignment of Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All.

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• Day 231: Is God a Reptilian? - ADC - Part 78
• 267. The Greatest Addiction Ever: The Mind
• 104- The Desteni Group = Learning how to Live what is Best for All
• Responsibility to Life
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Day 191: Mind Control - The Dark Side of "Hope"

All Points raised about Mind Control make us uncomfortable.

First because we OBVIOUSLY want to believe we are Free Thinkers in charge of ourselves. Some may have heard this phrase spoken in "The Matrix movie" about destiny 

 'You don't like to believe in destiny because you like to believe that You are in charge of Your Life'

The Story of Humanity. Never Mind the money spent on psychics and fortune tellers which would prove the opposite, that we KNOW that we are on a train track that is designed in detail and put in place for us to just run on and in fact FEAR that it may be so because that would raise ginormous questions about the benevolence of such Creation, and yes, we have been lightly brushing over a few points of Brainwashing such as religion and Family and then Society, but mainly to find faults and blame, to in fact relinquish for good our own responsibility for Who I am and How I Participate in this World.

Around us now there are tons of information on Mind Control, documentaries that explain in Detail how we got here such as  

Social Engineering in the 20th century, 

Psywar, 

The Century of Self, 

The Trap,

The Power Principle, 

these are NOT Conspiracy Theories, they are Documentaries by reputable sources meant to Wake Us Up, you can even found out about your Mind Control through the Entertaining Shows of Derren Brown, who has made Millions showing people with a Flair how gullible and dupable they are, watch 'Enigma' when you are in the mood to feel DUMB & DUMBER, being ignorant today about our own manipulation (and self manipulation) is not only inexcusable, it's plain Stupid.

The fact is that even those who are approaching the Mind Control of this World and have done research, believe that it is an outside event, that we are being Mind Controlled with sophisticated methods, spells, magic, witches, voodoo,  when in fact the truth is so much easier and so in front of our eyes, Mind Control is an Inside Job! it's done through triggers such as Fear, Desires, Love, Emotions and Feelings, the outside word is only sounding the tuning fork, we are the ones aligning with it, seems pretty obvious that we will have to be the Ones that STOP, the tuning fork is on its own preprogrammed trip - and not a cool one either- and won't wake up, someone else will be required to Wake Up and get off this deranged train so we can show each other 'see, the train only exists in Our Minds, and within the Mind we are Slaves, there is no way we can steer that train from on board, we have to get off the predesigned Path that we accepted and allowed, look, we don't need to remain passengers on this train to Self destruction, it's not compulsory, it's is impulsed/suggested/recommended, we are even being scared to death to get off it, but we can get off and get together to redesign this world as a World that works for everyone, we don't have to live this way!!"

Today as I read the news of the Daily UK Mail, which I suggest to read because it exposes the level at which we as Humanity have stepped down the Life ladder, there was a news about A Lottery Win, showing a very average British family climbing up the Social ladder, making their first important move, moving up on the Property market, moving on up from Life in the Lower "Classes", dusting off their Old Lives to enter their New world Rich and Careless.

Of course a range of emotions went with that, as I look back on an imaginary timeline of such a news I can see that 30 years ago I would have felt jealous and envious, but growing up I trained myself to be a positive thinker and 'rejoice' for the 'good lives' of others, not because I wished them well, but because I hoped that if I kept myself positive I too may be granted access to the Gods Olympus of Wealth and Well Being, which proves that our well wishing is nothing else but a lid over our darker wishes to which we no longer feel entitled as we TRY to be good and behave and be 'the best we can'. Pity it's all just a big ACT.

Today though another feeling that I tried to suppress and just brush away was just in plain view, I desired that house, that Life, the having a Good Life which I have equated with Money and Wealth, I hoped -secretly- even though it was a totally unfounded and groundless Hope because I should - at least- get myself a Lottery ticket to stand 1 chance in 1 million in a Lifetime -interestingly enough this proves that even Hope without Action is totally useless, I could Hope til I turned blue in the Face, without the ticket as an Action is a Not even 1 in a million chances, it's a No Go.

So, where is this HOPE as Desire coming From? Why is HOPE such a misused word used to put us in a blissful space of laissez faire, as we deliver ourselves into the belief that 'I have ignited Hope, done my part, now I just have to sit back and relax and let HOPE do its work', when in fact we are being thrown in the Face in so many ways the LIE of Hope and Hoping and if we only took the time to look we could clearly see the WHYs and the WHOs have been using this word in the past 10 years alone, what were the scopes of just prompting us with this word, what does the word 'HOPE' and Hope itself triggers within us that is so intoxicating that we fail to see that in-toxic-ating contains the word TOXIC, that we are poisoning ourselves and this World Hoping for things to Change while doing Nothing for Change on both an individual level or a Global level; that we are pushed to Hope for better Lives so we won't stand to make Lives better for All Equally because 'we got HOPE' that someone else will get down and dirty with such a task and we'll jump on the bandwagon when things are moving.
This is a question I have faced when asked about Desteni or 'EqualMoney' - 'how many are YOU?' - as the  Minds move to calculate the odds that we may make it, taking a sight of relief when learning we are FEW for now, ''Good, thanks God, you are still in the 'Unicorn' phase of this project, I am not required to join yet, what are the ODDS that such a small group could bring about a Change, really?', failing to see and realize that THIS is why we are still a small group, because of this fucking HOPE that stands in the way of our Movement, of us becoming Self Honest and seeing there are so many lives we don't wish to live on this Planet and yet we leave them up for grabs for the Poor,  and at most we HOPE their lives will change and that should be enough... 'isn't it'?

NO, it's not enough, if  We need some reminders of the biggest HOPE Promoters who make a living on that alone, We can check out Obama, the Vatican, Religious groups, and then last but not least OurSelves, and see how Hope drives us to No Action, to accepting this World as it is, because in secret, We Hope to cross the Line and Move On Up, and leave the Filthy world we created as the other Side of the Coin of Capitalism, for others to enjoy and suck up. Time to give up All Hope.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when reading News about people who made it feel the rising of Hope and for trying to brush it off because I know it's unfounded since, in the case of this Lottery, I have not even bought the ticket, instead of seeing and realizing that this rising HOPE is system programmed so I won't question the unfairness of this system as I delude myself that 'everyone can make it' not because there is any common sense in this belief but because the Hope I allow myself to feel, for the secret desires I hold, says so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to an energetic experience of 'shared joy' for the 'good life/good luck' someone had, because I secretly hold on to the desire that this may happen to me, which is not MY original desire, but a system implanted desire so that in holding on to this desire I won't take a position against this system to stand up for a World that is Best for All because who knows, I may make it too after All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the expression 'Let's Hope' when I don't want to be bothered to open up a point of 'we actually have to do something about THAT' because 'Hoping and wishing 'Hope' it's easier than exposing the truth of Hope for what it is, a Lie and a Con that is keeping Humanity stuck in Lalaland while the world is moving toward utter destruction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe 'there is nothing wrong with Hope' simply because I am invested in Hope as Dope as a way to not stand Self responsible for the changes that must take place in My Life as I am One brick of this Ugly Abusive Construction that this World has become that needs to return to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All and stand as Self Directive principle for myself and All of Existence Equal and One

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see Hope as a beautiful thing, an admirable thing, and the Hope dispensers as Good people instead of seeing the Dark Side of Hope and the grip it holds on us and how by 'Hoping' we are not moving to Change, as Hope implies a Change 'will take place God Willing/Inshallah' through an external event and not a Self Directed Change that each one of us Wills themselves through for ourselves and All of Existence, Equal and One

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to celebrate HOPE as something only the POOR have that are RICH at heart, failing to see we have been given HOPE instead of the FAIR SHARE of this planet to which everyone is entitled to, because we are Equally HERE, Equally Alive and No One is Worth More than Another, no Matter how hard we have been convincing ourselves otherwise and how hard we hoped one day to be one of the worthier to evade the Suffering that originates by seemingly small points such as 'Hope -FOOL attitudes and Dreams'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the Blind Faith in Hope dispensed from religious People, failing to notice that they gave us Hope and kept the Money, which could have been a self evident sign of what was really important and required at the moment to survive OR they would have given us the Money and kept the Hope, which is not the case

I commit myself to expose HOPE for what it is, a Tool for Mind Control, our throwing in of the Towel, our desire to Not be Self responsible and leave it All up to Hope, Hoping to make it, Hoping that others will make it too out of their disgraceful Lives we have created through a system of Abuse and that we wouldn't swap with ours & that it is time to Stop the HOPE, the Hopeful Feelings, The Hopeful wishes, the Hope-fool Leaders so we may stand as Self responsible Human beings and bring about the Change that is required for Life as Life, in this World, as this World.

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