Day 219: The Human Race - Who is Winning ?

I have an English student who is very proficient and willing to learn.

During his last class he told me he failed again his math test, as usual he had 'overprepared' himself and when he was faced with really simple problems his mind just blanked out.

Math is his source of frustration, because while he can learn everything else by heart, math requires logic and a specific approach to the problems presented, this he has not yet learnt how to do, as he has grown wary of his mind and he doesn't trust himself that when he will be faced with a problem he can find a solution, no, he looks for similar problems he has already met and solved within his Mind to find the solution there, and if the problems have not been presented before within a certain triggering wording that resonates with the problems at hands, he blanks out.

I have talked to him about the point of why his teachers penalize him for the way he studies, he is a walking encyclopedia, no one can doubt he has put a lot of time in his work, but the frustration of the teachers is that they have to sit through a book speaking and not a person presenting what he himself got out of the book, he told me 'I can't trust my words, but I can trust the book's words, they are the BEST words to explain what I am learning. I told him, 'we don't know that, we haven't heard your words yet'. 

In this line I gave him an assignment, to watch and review with 'his own words' the documentary 'War on Democracy', which we watched together partially and which took him to a place of realizing that much of this world is unknown and as such current knowledge is as valid as someone poking you in the eye with their finger, it's painful, mainly useless and at worse damaging.

My assignment was meant to show him that teachers are not Gods, that we live in a flawed system and that there is nothing extraordinary about the education he is receiving that teaches him an elitist language the school of 'Classical' studies aims  for, even though he believes that knowledge and the language of separation he is learning, that allows him to only talk to people in his school, have value as they might put him on top.

Inside of him there is a constant nagging doubt, that he is not been rated for his studies, but for his Race, it's his Race that doesn't meet the marks he is working for. My Student is an Arab in a racist country, in a racist World.

This is why he is thinking to go back to Egypt for his University, where he may get a fair chance at life and not be graded/de-graded by the 'sound' of his surname.

This is the world we have created, where some Races hold more value than others, we don't even know how we got to this point of discrimination but it exists inside all of us. When I walk next to groups of Arab men, I am more uncomfortable than when I walk next to a group of Italians, I have the preposterous idea that what I 'Know' in their dynamics and mind games, is less dangerous than what I don't know. Plus I read stories about Arabs, that exist within me, I formed opinions and beliefs, I dislike women in a Chador, felt offended by the metal beak that they wear under the burka to breathe in extremist countries, by how they hop behind their men in subservience. 

Arab culture in my Mind exists as an offensive plot against women, and so within all my judgements and ideas and opinions, I myself stand as a point of separation, I myself contribute to my student not having Equal chances in life, because I believe, due to the 'faults' of his CULTure that he comes from a lesser definition of Humanity as I took on board the generational information of separation, of worth based on imaginary parameters, putting all the Arabs in the same pot and myself as the Woman that will have none of it.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from other races and in the specific within the Arabic people, in ways that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe to be right, because what goes on in the Arab world against women is not acceptable in me as the Mind

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I know is better than what I don't know, instead of seeing and realizing the origin of such stance as FEAR that makes me desire to hold on to knowledge and information as I seek relief from my own fear that I have not faced yet.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to blame the Arabs for their treatment of women as if the demeaning of women was only happening within the Arabic world, when in fact every day women in Italy are raped, beaten and killed by their partners/strangers, and they do not wear a Chador or a Burka

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when seeing a woman wearing a chador or a burka, feel irritated, angry, offended as if that was personal, as if just because I am a woman in my physical expression I have to stand in anger to show my stance of NOT accepting the demeaning of women in such way, instead of seeing and realizing that many women in the Arabic world seek protection from their own fears, when they are not forced into it, by men seeking protection from their own fears

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when seeing an Arabic woman wearing the metal beak under the Burka to be able to breathe, to feel angry at Arab men, blaming them for what these women go through and subject themselves to, when in fact I am angry at all men because I blame them for this meat market that relationships between sexes have turned into, instead of seeing myself equally responsible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame men for what happens to women around the world because I believe they were the ones meant to protect us and within this belief, accepting that we do need a protection and hence, our own inherent inferiority to men

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, when approaching Arab men, move into physical defensiveness just based on thoughts, ideas and beliefs that I have accumulated in my mind based on news I have read, programs I have watched and stories I have been told about the demeaning of women in the Arab world, when in fact this is just a generalization that I have never tested for myself in the physical reality

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make demeaning comments about Arab men based on News I read, heard or watched, when in fact I know nothing can be trusted as every news is tainted by the world we live in, that fosters fear and separation

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel angry at his teachers when my student mentioned that he can't get good grades because he is an "Arab', when in fact this is what I participate in as well within my mind when I don't give 'good grades' as a chance to Arab men, just because they are Arabs

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to see Races and Nationality as having different value just because this is what our Economic System says, that not all are born with the same value and that some are worth more than others just because of where they were born and the 'group' they belong to, when in fact we belong to one Group, The Human Race as Life and Life has the same value and worth within us all

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel superior to the teachers of my student, because I want to help him out and they do not, instead of seeing and realizing, my desire to 'help' stems from my own guilt and shame for my participation in separation, judgement and blame and I know nothing about the reasons why his teachers are giving him a hard time

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as bad/negative/evil when I realized how much I was holding on to preconceived ideas toward the Arabic world and for then as a consequence blame myself for how my student feels, instead of seeing and realizing what he experiences is his own creation through having accepted and allowed himself to believe in his worth-less-ness and less-ness and that what I can do is stand stable as an equal as I walk with him through his assignments to offer my support to overcome this limitation he has accepted and allowed for himself as a result of what we, the adults, have accepted and allowed as ourselves

I commit myself to, when and as I walk next to Arab people, see a woman in a chador or a burka, to stop and breathe and not allow myself to participate in thoughts, emotions and feelings or backchat about Arabs and to make sure I am stable within breathe to no longer stand as a point of separation between myself and other races

I commit myself to, when and as I walk next to Arab men and I see the first signs of fear and the desire to change route, to stop and breathe and not allow myself to go into my mind or to react to the fact that I exist in the world with other races, none of which is less valuable or less worthy as Life.

I commit myself to support and explain about an Equal Money System, because changing the system of Value of our World will bring us Equality and peace and a change that can never be undone.

Day 193: Be Nice! - The Patron-izing of Reality

Reality is in the grips of Positive Thinkers and is being manipulated for 'feeling good", I know how it works to the T, I was one of them, I lived it, preached it and wouldn't have had it any other way. I was Sold, a Sould-Dear to 'sticking my head up my butt', it was warm and comfy up there, I really liked it.

To 'feel good' about this world we have to Not Look at It, there is No other way if we are looking to regulate our Life on Feelings and Emotions as a Guideline, it takes some practice, blindfolders and a dedication to Role Playing, it is the Fifty Shades of Grey of Humanity, Reality is sold out for a sadomaso kit of cuffs and gags.

Yesterday I had a conversation with my mum that ended in this 'ah today is your complaining day, let me take out some popcorn so you can have a go at it' -laugh/laugh-, I was not complaining, I just asked if this World seems All Right following the 'Education incident' she asked me about.

I was aware that I must have started somewhere to brush off reality, I am aware as well that it starts with the Family but I liked to see my mother 'not like other mothers', due to the fact that I suppressed much guilt and shame for our Relationship I have made her a Martyr in my Mind, better than most.

I don't like to think that everything She did was for herself, every bit of "Good' she chased was not for the Good of others, but was for 'feeling better' about this World, that is just sad, the truth of this World is Sad, isn't it?

There is a commmon thread we all seem to follow when we are born in this world, a thread that is woven with the horrors of Reality and our relationship with each other that ultimately ends in denial, not the longest River in Egypt, the other one, the one that says NO to reality, that shouts that the Physical is not Real, that tries to 'HarryPotter' existence into something else.

When she laughed last night and I did not join in I felt a huge Gap taking place between us, I saw clearly in detail as well how it isthat Children are moved out of Reality by Parents, it starts with the 'Be Nice, you know how lucky you are, think of those Poor children in Africa, what do you lack?", which shows as well how we use the Poor and Derelict for a 'Pick me up' they are the 'Tiramisu' of Existence, they make our Life sweeter by Comparison, it could have been me, and yet, it isn't.

This proves that there isn't One of us that is Not Aware of what goes on in the World, we are so aware in fact that we use 'reality' to threaten each other with and to push each other to build up a Nest in our Minds to escape reality, a 'Safe Place' haha, boy did we get this one wrong.

Poverty is in place as a reminder of our Better Place in Society, as the Wand and Bat we use to cast the 'Be Nice" spell on each other which contains the unspoken wide ranging 'or else', that goes anywhere from 'boarding house' to 'out in the street' ragged and starving in the Big Bad World.

You want my support? BE NICE

You want my unconditional Love? BE NICE

You want to live? BE NICE

You want to talk reality? Fuck Off, Be Nice, stop the Negativity -no of course I don't mean 'the One out there', I just mean yours, stop bringing up this subject that makes me feel bad for which I will have to patronize you until you STOP, get it, reality is Not the Problem, YOU ARE , so you better change your attitude Missy and align with the way things are, because the system won't change, cant' change, I won't support you wanting to Change this system, if I did it would stand as a testament about My Fuck Up and WHY didn't I, and I won't have any of that. Get that Clear, Missy.'

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that when my mother told me as a kid to 'be Nice' she was being a good person trying to teach me about Good Manners and how to respect others, instead of seeing she was asking me to shut up and never raise subjects that were moving emotions of unconfortability and inadequacy first within her and then within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'being Nice' is better than 'being Not Nice', instead of really seeing what both these statements meant and what they implied as the blind Acceptance of this System and how Acceptance and Allowance is the very thing that is keeping this system in place the way it is, and how the System has turned everyone into the jailers that keep others in place, no longer requiring any force because the jailing has become an Inside Job that we took on from our Parents when we grew up

I forgive myself that I have acepted and allowed myself to believe that my mum was 'good at heart' because I wanted something 'Good' in my life to hag on to and I feared letting go al delusions that are Family related and stand alone in this World having to face the Ugliness of what we have accepted and allowed in the name of Money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my mum 'Good' in my eyes out of the Guilt and Shame I felt for how I handled my relationship with her, not seeing, realizing and understanding that if we are on this Planet, we can't be Good and no one can be trusted until All of Us walk out of our Mind Consciousness system that seeks only self interest, to stand for what is Best for All, as Life, as One and Equal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that kids are patronized into existence, which means owned as Patron is the Master of the Colonies and Plantation, where the seeds as children never had a chance to grow up to be the best they could be because the System through the Parents told them to 'Be Nice' and not make waves of any kind that could upset the Status Quo

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that we never grow out of our education and the proof is in the British Etiquette for when we share a table and agree that we won't talk about Religion, Politics or Money, which is not so as to not have anyone upset, but so as to not have the System upset by people getting together discussing their Mind Control and how did we end up believing that the World the way it is makes any sense

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'Be Nice' and pass on this desease to other kids I interacted with when Being Nice meant that we had to be something else, do something else and mainly accept things the way they are without making a 'fuss' about it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when my mu last night said 'no, it's not that I don't see this World, I just accept it' feel a void inside of me and then when I saw THAT sentence as how I myself moved into acceptance of the World as it is to feel annoyed and patronizing toward her, wanting to say 'you don't know shit' just because I felt patronized by her speech that said 'I don't stand in your way to wanting to change the world, I hope YOU do, I am here waiting for you to do it' but regardless of her words what I heard was 'go on little system, go and face the truth of this unchangeable world then YOU'll see WHo has lost touch with Reality'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel patronized, because this word means owned, which means I have accepted and allowed myself to be owned by ideas and beliefs and the gicing up of others, aligning myself to 'giving up' and Being Nice and Positive because this is what will keep this system in place, the Happy Slaves we have become under the Imaginary banner of Freedom, when in fact we have never been Free and as far as Happy goes, we have managed to be biochemically Happy and that would be about it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself when I see that I don't want to see my mother this week end but then 'I think' maybe is because I want to retaliate, it's because I want to patronize HER now and cast her aside for Being Nice and for having become a convoluted bundle of emotions and feelings that I am not discerning clearly and for not trusting myself and my self honesty I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself, to always have to think things over before I make a decision, because I believe that I don't know what I want and now I believe that everything I want could be tainted with an agenda that I am not yet able to see in full and for this I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it makes any difference if I se my mum or not this week end, instead of seeing and realizing nothing that happens outside has any power over us, unless we decide it does and for gicing my power away to outside events, I forgive myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can be moved by external event, by someone outside of myself into thinking or feeling something, when in fact no one exists outside of me, but the World as a Mirror, to point out where I am still holding on to Ideas and Beliefs that keep me in Place, being Nice against All Odds and for asking others to Be Nice to me as a way to secure for myself 'Good Feelings vs negative Emotions' I forgive myself

I commit myself to stop my existence as a brick of the being 'Nice' movement as I see, realize and understand that being 'Nice' is a way to support this system and not make waves, it is a way to separate myself from this system in fear of rejection,  in fear that the system can't be changes and I better align myself through niceness to not rock any boat

I commit myself to stand for a Change as the Change that is required in this World, owning the point that we are the bricks  that needs changing and we need to turn our existence from a flimsy make belief into Matter, because only Matter Matters and each one's change into a substantial existence is required to realign to Oneness and Equality and What is Best for All, for a real Change to take place for All.

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